Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Dear Karl: Obama Letters to Karl Marx

As the Crew and I were leaving the SACSTW secret underground command bunker one recent afternoon, we heard a slight scuffling noise behind us.  With cat-like reflexes we spun and drew down on a shadowy figure lingering behind a tree.  In an obviously digitally altered voice he/she said, “You have nothing to fear from me.  In fact, I have something that might interest you greatly.”  At this point, the figure tossed a bundle of what appeared to be papers at our feet.  “What’s that?”  The Crew Asked.  “Letters.  Letters from Obama to his hero” the figure replied.  “Who’s his hero?” I asked.  “Just read the letters.  They explain everything.”  As the figure disappeared in the fog I yelled after him/her, “Who are you?”  The figure replied, “Just call me… Cavernous Trachea” and he/she was gone. 

The Crew and I quickly repaired to the command center to read the letters.  This is the first one:

“Dear Karl,
 I don’t know why I’m writing you.  This seems silly.  The doctors are totally over-reacting to my little ‘episode’.  I mean everybody needs to blow off steam once in a while right?  Running naked though the West Wing screaming, “Spiders!  Spiders are eating my brain!” was just my way of blowing off steam.  And I really wasn’t going to impale Joe Biden on that fireplace poker.  I was just messing with him.  Nobody can take a joke around here.
 So I guess writing you is supposed to be a more ‘reasonable’ way to deal with my frustrations.  They told me to write a letter to my biggest hero and most influential person in my life.  You were my first and only choice.  So Karl, help me out here.  Everyone’s against me.  Moochelle (she almost caught me calling her that) has been on a spending spree that would make Paris Hilton jealous, Reggie abandoned me, the republicans are catching on to my tricks, and I think my new Mao Zedong tat is infected.  I can’t put any weight on my left cheek at all.  Everyone around me is bummed too.  Even my best buddy, Mr. Teleprompter, is off his game.  Last week in my state of the union address, he just kept repeating the same exact lines from his…  I mean my old speeches.  And the worst thing… no one in my entire administration can think of a  single new euphemism for taxes.  We’ve used them all up.  Darn that vast right-wing conspiracy for trying to wake the chumps… I mean people, up.
 You know what Karl?  I think the doctors were right.  I do feel better!  I’m sure it has nothing to do with that shot they gave me about 20 minutes ago.  They told me it was just a B12 booster for energy.  Oh well, I better go. Stanley, my pet unicorn, just came into my bedroom.  It’s time for our ride on the South Lawn.
 I’ll write you again soon!

Your friend,

After reading the letter, The Crew and I went outside to where we had seen the shadowy figure to look for clues as to his/her identity.  The leaves and brush were disturbed where the figure had been standing, but we saw nothing else.  As we were walking away, The Crew exclaimed, “Hey!  What’s that?”  He picked up what looked like piece of scrap paper.  On closer inspection we discovered it was a receipt:

Agent Provocateur
133 Mercer St.
New York, NY 10012


*Editor's note:  Another great idea brought to you by SACSTW creative consultant Brian Holyfield - @Holyfield67

Monday, January 30, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew

  • Why did the University of Kansas hire the transgender child of Sonny and Cher to coach their football team?  What, was Renee Richards unavailable?

  • Newt, I'm trying really hard to support you in the GOP primary.  I love your knowledge of history, your ability to pick apart the foibles and fallacies of the Obama administration, and your ability to rise from the electoral dead.  What I don't love is when you criticize Mitt Romney on his wealth, his Swiss/Cayman Island bank accounts, his tax returns, blah blah blah.  That is a page right out of the "Class Warfare" chapter of the secular progressive handbook.  Very unbecoming for one who purports to be the "conservative" candidate in the GOP field.  You can be better than that.
Hmmm, daughter working the pole at age 16... nice work Billy Ray

  • Continuing the theme, supermodel Cindy Crawford's daughter made her modeling debut for Versace this week, appearing in an ad for Young Versace, a clothing line aimed at children 12 and under and pedophiles.  Here is Kaia Crawford in the ad:
Now Crew, you are saying.... the leather jacket, miniskirt, and loads of makeup are all a bit much for a teenage girl, but it's nothing obscene.  Well, technically you are right.  Oh, did I mention that Kaia Crawford is TEN years old?  Consider Mama Cindy up for a Hollywood HOs as well.

  • I (Sahib) needed to make an addition to the Crew's Monday Musings.  We just couldn't leave this story out.  A young man, 6, in California was suspended and charged with sexual assault for playing tag.  Check out the Fox News video.  A seventeen year old  snowball thrower is in trouble as well. I guess snowballs are now officially classified as missiles.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Funniest Movie Decade Ever-The '80's: Where have all the funnymen gone?

Funniest Movie Decade Ever!

I’ll leave the dissection of our Dear Leader’s state-of-the-union address last night to the other bloggers and pundits.  With the academy award nominations going out this week, I have another more important topic to discuss.

Were have all the funnymen gone?  I guess they are still stuck in the ‘80s.  While some have argued that the ‘80s was the worst decade ever for music and fashion, there is no doubt that it was the funniest decade for movies, ever!  There is one outlier year* but I will get to that later.  I know lists like this are very subjective and open to significant debate, but let’s take a look at the ‘80s together:

Airplane, Caddyshack, A Christmas Story, Vacation, The Blues Brothers, Trading Places, 48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Stripes, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, History of the World: Part I, Spaceballs, Major League, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Naked Gun, Arthur, This is Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride, and Revenge of the Nerds

How can you argue with that list?  What happened to these guys?  Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, Billy Crystal, Chevy Chase…  I know these guys are getting a little long in the tooth, but did they forget how to be funny?  When was the last time one of these guys did anything that even evoked a mild chuckle? 

This is not to say that there haven’t been any funny movies made in the last 22 years, but true comedic classics are few and far between.  The ones that spring to mind are:  The Big Lebowski, There’s Something About Mary, Happy Gilmore, Anchorman, Wedding Crashers and Dodgeball.  But what have Adam Sandler, Bill Stiller, Vince Vaughn, or Will Ferrell done recently that really made you laugh?  For any of you who say yes, I present to you Jack and Jill, The Little Fockers, The Dilema, and The Land of the Lost and say, REALLY?  Bridesmaids and The Hangover were funny, but I wouldn’t call them classics.

With the world ending this year, have we just run out of funny?  When our Dear Leader, Joe Biden, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid make me laugh harder than anyone in Hollywood, it is a sad state of affairs.  Come on Mel… John… Ivan…, don’t you guys have just a few more in you? Please?

*The outlier year is 1974 which gave us Holy Grail, Blazing Saddles, and Young Frankenstein.  Leave it to a few brits and a little Jewish guy to make three of my top five all-time favorite comedies in one year.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

1000 Days of Disgrace- The Harry Reid Senate

April 29, 2009 was 1000 days ago.  It was also the last time the U.S. Senate passed a budget.  Under Democrat Harry Reid's (D-NV) leadership, the Senate has abdicated one of its primary responsibilities.  What could be more important in these turbulent times than formulating, debating, and ultimately passing a budget for the national government?  Of all the outrageous inadequacies of Reid's term as Majority Leader, this is the most egregious.  

On May 24, 2011, the Democrat-controlled Senate voted down 4 different budget proposals, one each from Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisc), Rep. Pat Toomey (R-Pa), Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky), and oh yeah, former Senator Barack Obama (D-Il).  Dear Leader's budget proposal was narrowly defeated, 97-0.  Surely with all this nay-saying, the Reid Senate has a plan of its own to guide the United States out of the current fiscal abyss.  You'd think so wouldn't you?  You'd be wrong.  Reid and his merry band of Democrat slackers are more concerned with the political ramifications of the budgeting process than they are the effects of their rampant spending on the U.S. taxpayer.  

Maybe 1000 days isn't enough time for the Senate to formulate and present its own budget plan.  Just how long of a time is 1000 days?  Well, 1000 days is.....
  • long enough for McDonalds to sell 9 billion lbs of french fries
  • long enough for the Washington Nationals to lose 202 baseball games
  • longer than the COMBINED marriages of :
    • Drew Barrymore and Tom Green 
    • Jennifer Lopez and Chris Judd
    • Mario Lopez and Ali Landry
    • Britney Spears and Jason Alexander (no, not the Seinfeld guy)
    • Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney
    • Nicholas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley
    • Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock
    • Michelle Phillips and Dennis Hopper
    • Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman
    • Kim Khardashian and Kris Humphries
  • and most importantly, long enough for the United States Government to spend 9.7 trillion dollars of Other People's Money. (that is $1,077 for every pound of french fries sold by McDonalds worldwide!)
I'd say it's time for the Reid Senate to get off its collective keister, and get back to the business of the people. Read more about this monumental failure of leadership at the most excellent Heritage Foundation blog, and talk more about it on the Sahib and the Crew Save the World Facebook page.  See you there!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew

Personally, I think Ken is fabulous!
  • Reports from the Associated Press last week indicated that Iran's "morality" police were cracking down on the sale of Barbie dolls, closing some toy stores that carried the Western icon on their shelves amid concerns that the statuesque blonde doll would cause great harm to the impressionable youth of Iran.  Investigators from SACSTW's Tehran bureau are looking into reports that the Barbie dolls are being replaced by Michael Moore inaction figures.  No mention is being made of Iran's morality police cracking down on state-sponsored incineration of innocent men, women, and children.  At least they have their priorities straight.  Interestingly, the AP reports don't mention Ken.....I'm just saying. 
  • After whipping presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney by 12 points in South Carolina, Newt Gingrich's presidential bid has new life.  During Thursday's debate, Newt adroitly fended off clumsy questioning about his ex-wife's inflammatory statements.  Now I know that Newt is not the paragon of virtue conservatives would like him to be, but since when do scorned ex-wives automatically have bullet-proof credibility and unassailable integrity?  I'll tell you when....when they are criticizing Republicans.  
  • Super model Heidi Klum is divorcing Seal after 6 years of marriage, citing the ever popular irreconcilable differences.  Pressed for details, Klum said "I was getting tired of having to throw raw fish to him at the dinner table every night.  All he ever wants to do is lay around and balance balls on his nose".
Mr. Klum in better days

  • Last week's Youtube sensation was Winkelhimer, the painting squirrel.  The furry Van Gogh is all the rage in his hometown of Jennings, LA.  Rescued after a cat attack by Shyla Mouton, Winkelhimer has been painting ever since.  His Facebook page has 534 fans as of this writing, only 530 more than the SACSTW page.  Hint, hint SACSTW readers.....  Here is a video of the rodent Rembrandt at work:
Memo to Ms. Mouton....Winkelhimer isn't painting, he is chewing on the end of the brush.  Sorry to burst your bubble.
  • As I write this, Billy Cundiff of the Baltimore Ravens has missed a game-tying 32 yard field goal at the end of the AFC championship game, sending the New England Patriots to the Super Bowl.  Never, never, never pin your post-season hopes on a kicker.  
Please join Sahib and I on Facebook, and email your comments and criticisms to sacstw@gmail.com.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Pakistani Elmo, Funny Hats, Mush-brained Kids, and Defecation: Who could ask for more?

Wow!  What a fun five months it has been!  When The Crew and I started Sahib and Crew Save the World (SACSTW), we really had no defined expectations other than sharing ridiculous things going on in the world and making each other laugh.  We really hope you have enjoyed reading our posts and that we have made you laugh too.  If you accidentally learned something, we are sorry.  It wasn’t intentional.

This week has included a few milestones for us.  We topped 6000 views on our blog, published our 100th blog post, went over 300 followers on Twitter, sent more than 5000 tweets, and created a SACSTW Facebook page.  Modest accomplishments for many, but we are proud of them.  More importantly, we have infiltrated Karl Rove’s secret lair, built a time machine, and assembled a team of 100s of imaginary reporters, photographers, scientists, and confidential informants.  So in honor of our myriad accomplishments, we thought we would give you a blast from the past of our favorite posts.

The Crew favorites:

Sahib post ~ Raising a Nation of Mush-brained Wusses – This is one of my favorites as well.  It was remembering more than writing.

Crew post ~ Joint News Release- Ministries of Funny Hats and Indeterminate Spelling – I think Princess B had to be the big winner in that contest

Sahib favorites:

The Crew post ~ Jihad Me Elmo – Our new ambassador to Pakistan…

Sahib post ~ Ich Bin Ein Defecator: New Rally Cries for the Occupy “Movement” – I got to quote (sort of) JFK and Blazing Saddles, and make fun of Alec Baldwin, Susan Sarandon, spoiled rich girls, and moonbat lefty protestors.  I slept the sleep of the righteous that night.

We hope you enjoy our trip down memory-lane.  Feel free to dig through our archives, there’s lots of good stuff you might have missed.  Make sure to click on the Facebook "Like" button to add our Facebook page to your profile, if Facebook is your thing.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

O'Reilly Harpoons "Moby" Dick Harpootlian on MLK Day Hypocrisy

Like Melville's Ahab, Bill O'Reilly buried a harpoon deep in the bloated belly of southern Democrats on his show that aired on Martin Luther King Day this week.  As veteran SACSTW readers know, one of our favorite themes is skewering the hypocrisy of the left, and it has never been done better than Officer O'Reilly did on Monday evening.

Let's set the stage.  As we all know, the GOP held a debate in South Carolina on MLK day.  This caused great offense and consternation to Dick Harpootlian, the chairman of the South Carolina state Democratic Party.  If the name sounds familiar, he is the guy who made these reasoned and thoughtful comments about the GOP primary season on Megan Kelly's show:

So, the chairman of the state Democratic Party of South Carolina isn't worried about offending vertically challenged voters because  "I don't think they can reach the machine....".  You know, the sensitivity and compassion of the left is striking.  But I digress.

On Monday, Harpootlian made it clear that he thought by holding a debate on MLK day, the GOP was ignoring Dr. King's birthday, and showing its racism and disregard for the black voters in South Carolina.  Officer O'Reilly asked (rather gently I might add) Moby Dick if he knew what happened on MLK day in 2008.  After much stammering and dodging, Harpootlian grudgingly admitted that the Democratic Party held a Presidential debate on MLK day in 2008, sponsored by the Congressional Black Caucus.  So, to review,
Democrats debating on MLK day GOOD, Republicans debating on MLK day RACIST and OFFENSIVE.

As I have mentioned before (referring to Mitt Romney in fact), the best way to evaulate these talking heads is to look for those little moments when they drop their guard (although I'm not sure Harpootlian has one) and say something that illuminates the dark recesses of their core philosophy.  Harpootlian did just that when his conversation with O'Reilly turned to the presidential election of 1860.  Incredibly, Moby Dick said that GOP candidates Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich were injecting race into the 2012 election by referring to it as "the most important election since 1860".

What happened in the presidential election of 1860?  Americans elected a Republican President who guided the nation through its most turbulent years, preserved the United States for future generations, and oh yeah, freed millions of blacks from the chains of slavery.  Those are plain, simple facts that can not be disputed by anyone.  Harpootlian's comment on the election of 1860...."We in the South have a little different version of what happened in 1860".  Wow, even for the jaded and cynical Crew it was hard to believe he admitted that.
Behind those words lurks the dark and twisted soul of the Democrat Party.

I'm guessing that the South Carolina Democratic Party Chairman's "version" of what happened in 1860 goes something like this:

That damn cracker Lincoln came in and stole the election away from mah man John Breckinridge!  Then he told us God-fearin Southerners that we couldn't keep those blacks (probably not the word he was thinking) in our fields anymore, and we ended up having to pick our own damn cotton!

Here is the video from the O'Reilly factor- see for yourself what the Democrat Party of South Carolina thinks:

USMC Yellow "Rain" of Terror Conspiracy Exposed!

Once again the crack SACSTW undercover reporting staff has unearthed another conspiracy.  The team that brought you Karl Rove: OWS Mastermind has discovered an Obama administration conspiracy to cover up what really happened with the USMC urination scandal.  Many of you have seen the image below, but what you may not have seen is what crack SACSTW digital image forensic examiners discovered.  The images that have been plastered all over the Internet have been digitally altered.  Below is the digitally altered image of the marines.

Digitally Altered Image

Below is the original image.  If you are a liberal, you may want to turn away.  This will probably be more disturbing to you than the altered images.

Actual Image

This revelation poses a number of questions.

1.  What are Obama campaign bumper stickers doing in Afghanistan?

2.  Why were the marines urinating on them?

3.  Why would the Obama administration want to cover this up?

Never fear devoted readers.  Intrepid SACSTW reporters have the answers.  The Obama campaign staff looking to take advantage of AG Holder's somewhat "flexible" interpretation of federal voter qualifications decided to blaze a new trail in the search for new Obama absentee voters.  Thus it was decided to carpet bomb Afghanistan, Pakistan, and parts of Africa with Obama bumper stickers.  This also answers the question as to why the administration would want to cover this up.  It would be very embarrassing and potentially damaging to President Obama's reelection campaign if this came to light.

Why then, did the marines urinate on the Obama bumper stickers?  The answer to this took a little more digging.  Apparently, the marines saw the bumper stickers being air-dropped into Taliban controlled areas.  Concerned that the Iranians or other Taliban sympathizers were air-dropping arms or supplies to the Taliban terrorists, the marines investigated.

After killing and/or driving off the Taliban forces, the marines discovered that the Taliban forces had been using the Obama bumper stickers as toilet paper.  Frankly concerned with their condition, the marines decided to clean them to the best of their abilities.  Water being in short supply and remembering that urine is sterile, they made use with what they had handy.  Improvise, adapt, overcome!  At least, that's their story... and they are sticking to it.

And that devoted readers, is the unvarnished truth.  Or at least our interpretation of it.  Be comforted by the fact that the entire SACSTW staff is dedicated to shining the light of truth on whatever the left is trying to conceal.

*Editor's note:  Another masterful idea from crew member emeritus and creative consultant Brian Holyfield - @Holyfield67

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

You Cry Harder! North Korean Grief Reeducation

SACSTW reporters have the latest scoop on our zany buddies from the east, North Korea.  North Koreans just aren't sad enough!  The North Koreans are such a happy-go-lucky group of people it is easy to imagine that they would have difficulty being somber.  I mean they lead such easy lives of leisure and plenty. Fortunately, their latest and greatest Dear Leader has implemented a new system to assist them with proper levels of grieving. 

Lachrymosity Level Enforcement Department
After numerous "criticism" sessions, it was decided that the fun-loving North Korean people really didn't know how to properly grieve.  Thus, many of them received personal invitations to grieving reeducation camps.  I mean look at these pictures... These people make jocularity a national pastime.

Kim Jong Il official concubines
(There wasn't this much sobbing over the deaths of JFK, MLK, Elvis, and Princess Diana combined!)

Grieving is a family activity in North Korea

After much deliberation, a new system has been implemented:  The national Lachrymosity Level system of national mourning.  To show the world that they are hip to new technology, the Lachrymosity Level system will use a series of emoticons to inform North Korean citizens of their proper level of misery.  Below is the Lachrymosity Level (LL) matrix:

Lachrymosity Level
National Conditions
Expected Behavior
Kim Jong Un celebrates a birthday, is cast as Odd Job in the “Goldfinger” remake, or has a successful bowel movement.
Uncontrollable joyous weeping, writhing on the ground, and rending of clothing.
Kim Jong Un is not mistaken as a beluga whale by Japanese trawlers while swimming.
Public expressions of mirth are expressly prohibited.  Wistful smiles are allowed if meditating on the wonders of the Dear Leader.
Default national Lachrymosity Level
Feet must be shuffled and eyes must be downcast.  Muffled sobbing is encouraged.
Kim Jong Un has a hangnail, dies, or Obama loses the 2012 election.
Uncontrollable screaming, wailing, and rending of clothing.  Every third citizen must commit seppuku.

Invitees of the grieving reeducation camps will receive LL emoticon flash-cards along with their copies of "North Korean Golf for Dummies - How to Score 38 under in your first round ever!" by Kim Jung Il.  All other citizens will receive their LL emoticon flash-cards with their monthly bowls of gruel ration cards.  On notification of the the nation's LL condition, all citizens are required to pin the appropriate LL flash-card to their outer-clothing.

Lachrymosity Level Notification System
Dear Leader Obama is reported to be considering a similar system for media reporting of his daily poll numbers.  Media outlets in the People's Republic of San Francisco have volunteered to be the initial test market.  

SACSTW reporters will keep you updated on the latest situations in both North Korea and San Francisco.

*Editor's note:  The idea for today's post was brought to you by SACSTW creative consultant and crew member emeritus Brian Holyfield - @Holyfield67

Monday, January 16, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew

  • Right off the bat in this issue of Monday Musings, let's talk MLK.  What would Martin Luther King think about the callous hoodwinking of black Americans by the Democratic Party?  Democrats constantly reinforce the idea that blacks in America are dependent on governmental largesse for their very existence, not capable of making their own way in today's world.  I believe Dr. King might find that particularly offensive.  How many of the millions taking today off will spend even a moment thinking about Dr. King?  Not many I'm afraid.  For the record, the Crew is spending today doing what Dr. King believed in.....working hard to support myself and my family.  

  • Michael Moore is the most famous movie maker in the country, his films are constantly shown on national TV.  Uh, Crew you say, what about Scorsese, Spielberg, Eastwood, et al?  Hell, what about the Farrelly brothers?  Sorry, I forgot to mention the country referred to in this musing is Iran.  Hey, I didn't say it, this guy did.
    • Late-breaking update to the Michael Moore story.  Iran's most popular filmmaker says if you are white, over 29, and didn't vote for Obama, you are a racist, homophobic pig.  Hmmm, just what is he trying to say about Obama?
  • The most sensible response to the "golden shower" administered to some room-temperature Taliban fighters by U.S. Marines comes from one of my heroes (and fellow KState grad)....U.S. Rep Allen West, (R-Fl).  If you don't know much about Lt. Col. West, take a little time today to research him.  West sent an email to the Weekly Standard that read in part:
“The Marines were wrong. Give them a maximum punishment under field grade level Article 15 (non-judicial punishment), place a General Officer level letter of reprimand in their personnel file, and have them in full dress uniform stand before their Battalion, each personally apologize to God, Country, and Corps videotaped and conclude by singing the full US Marine Corps Hymn without a teleprompter.“As for everyone else, unless you have been shot at by the Taliban, shut your mouth, war is hell.” 

 Read the rest of the email here.

  • A dozen students at a Portland area high school were injured on Friday during a science class experiment that went awry.  The accidental combination of water and volatile metal produced a small explosion and an irritating gas.  The students were transported to area hospitals and treated for respiratory problems.  All are expected to fully recover.  I mention this only because it brings back fond memories of Sahib and Crew toiling away for many hours in biology class.  After weeks of hard work and sacrifice, Sahib and I completed our magnum opus...."The Phenomenon of Spontaneous Generation in Drosophila melanogaster".  Truly some of our finest work.

  • Finally, since no Monday Musings is really complete without a video of a swimming goat, here ya go:

Yes, crazy goat lady, he is learning to swim.  He is also plotting how to kill you in your sleep.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Obama vs the U.S. Constitution- Round 2

How I got Mrs. Crew to pose for this
I will never know!

Ding Ding Ding Ding

Round 2- Recess Appointments

     A shaken and wobbly Obama retreated to his corner after a beatdown from the US Constitution in Round One.  With cutman Bill Ayers and manager Jeremiah Wright exhorting him to continue, Obama answered the bell for Round Two on January 4th by appointing 3 new members to the National Labor Relations Board and Richard Cordray to be the director of the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.  Normally such appointments require Senate consent, but Obama sidestepped that little detail by labeling the moves "recess" appointments.
    Appointment of senior Federal officials requires the advise and consent of the U.S. Senate.  Article 2, Section 2 of the Constitution allows the President to apppoint such officials without consent during times the Senate is in recess.

3:  The President shall have Power to fill up all Vacancies that may happen during the Recess of the Senate, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their next Session.

     Such recess appointments have been used by Presidents of every party since Washington, so hey, what's the big deal right?  Really, it isn't a big deal to the Crew, except as an example of the rampant hypocrisy of the left (that means you Bill).  

     Here's the rub... When Dear Leader made his recess appointments on January 4th, the Senate had only been in "recess" for 2 days, not the 3 required by law. In addition, Senate Republicans have been meeting in what is called "pro forma" sessions, meaning the Senate is technically not in recess at all.  Lefties are crying foul, saying Republicans are using political tricks and technicalities to deny Obama the power to make recess appointments.  They are right, that is exactly what Senate Republicans are doing.  

     If you are starting to feel a weird sense of deja vu, don't fret.  Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid used exactly the same tactics to prevent President George W. Bush from making recess appointments.  The difference is that President Bush had enough respect for the Constitution to not ignore the "technicalities" of the Senate rules.  Barack Hussein Obama has no such respect, and has demanded his recess appointments go through.

     Looks like Obama has won on points in Round 2, knotting the bout at one round each.  The big showdown comes in Round 3 scheduled for late March.  That's when the Supreme Court will take up the issue of Obamacare's constitutionality.  In my humble opinion, the individual mandate is CLEARLY unconstitutional.  SCOTUS should stand tall, strike down Obamacare, and continue the championship reign of the U.S. Constitution.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Obama vs the U.S. Constitution-Let's Get Ready to Rumble!

(in the Crew's best Michael Buffer impersonation)

Ladies and Gentlemen...... Welcome to the century's main event!  A bout for the future of the United States, liberty for people across the globe, and the very notion of individual freedoms!

Introducing the combatants.

First the challenger, fighting out of the blue corner, straight from the Chicago political machine, trained by Jeremiah Wright and Bill Ayers, fighting for statism and governmental intrusion, here is Barack Hussein Obama!

And in the red, white, and blue corner, born in Philadelphia, PA, trained by Washington, Madison, and Jefferson, fighting for individual liberty, 224 years old and STILL Champion of the World.... the Constitution of the United States!

Ding Ding Ding Ding

Round 1- Religious Liberty
Obama threw a flurry of jabs in Round One, using the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and a lawsuit by Cheryl Perich claiming the Hosanna-Tabor Evangelical Lutheran Church and School in Michigan violated the Americans with Disabilities Act by firing her.  Perich, a "called teacher" and commissioned minister within the church, taught secular and religious classes, as well as leading chapel service.

Perich took a disability leave in 2004, after being diagnosed with ........narcolepsy.  The church refused to hire her back after her leave, and in the fine tradition of liberal pantywaists everywhere, she sued.  The case went all the way to the Supreme Court, where our champion knocked Obama to the canvas with a unanimous SCOTUS ruling in favor of the church.  Confirming that churches have the right to a "ministerial exception" to anti-discrimination laws, Chief Justice Roberts said this:

The interest of society in the enforcement of employment discrimination statues is undoubtedly important, but so too is the interest of religious groups in choosing who will preach their beliefs, teach their faith, and carry out their mission.

Click here for Peter Johnson Jr's excellent commentary on Round One

Check back tomorrow for blow by blow accounts of Round Two- Recess Appointments!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Hollywood HOs Weekly Winners: Beyonce and Jay Z

Hollwood HOs

"We are the coolest people ever!"
We have not one person, but a couple as this week's Hollywood HOs (Hall of Shame) winners.  Beyonce and Jay Z are this week's winners, but not for the reasons you think.  By now, you have probably heard about parents being blocked from getting to their babies in the NICU, taped-over security cameras, and other general celebrity nonsense.

Apparently, hospital administrators and Mayor Bloomberg want to stay on the good side of one of the entertainment industry's power couples because their exhaustive "investigations" have shown complaints to be exaggerated.

No, Beyonce and Jay Z are this week's Hollywood HOs winners because they named their daughter Blue Ivy.  What was their choice for a boy's name?  Plutonium Kafka?  I have always wondered which came first, the talent or the narcissist. Do fantastically talented people become narcissists as a result of people constantly fawning all over them or do narcissists succeed because they really believe they are the center of the universe?  And if all the Hollywood celebs are the center of the universe, shouldn't they be multiverses?  It's enough to make Stephen Hawking's brain to explode.

Who would have thought that Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple would have the "normal" name.  I can give Moxie Crimefighter's dad Penn Jillette somewhat of a pass because I think he was crazy to begin with, but why do these idiots do this to the people they are supposed to "love"?  Their kids are going to have a hard enough time growing up somewhat normal in the abnormal celebrity world.  Why make it even harder for them?

I can answer my own question.  It's because celebrities don't think it matters.  Being creative and nuanced is what counts.  They are the center of their own multiverse.  The rest of the world will adjust to their wills and desires.  When the jacked up name of their kids is just one more straw on camel's back it's OK right?  They've got money.  That's all that matters right?

Of course, it doesn't always turn out badly for the oddly named children of celebrities.  The first one I can remember is Chastity Bono.  (Come on!  Cher naming a kid Chastity is like Courtney Love naming her kid Sobriety.)  We all know what a healthy, happy, well-adjusted woman she grew up to be.  Though if I remember correctly, I think she did change her name....

*For the record, Sahib's boys' names are simple correctly spelled names.  No hyphens, no symbols,  no silent Ps. Of course the Crew's boys are named Habakkuk and Splat, but that's OK.  He IS the center of the universe.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Chuck Woolery: Stop Competitive Mediocrity!

Great American Chuck Woolery, "Dump competitive mediocrity like George Clooney dumps hot Italian models!"

"Too soft on politicians that use class-warfare to divide us!" Amen Chuck!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

2013 Obama Interview: A Peek into the Future

Chris's legs have lost that loving feeling...

The SACSTW Physics Department having completed work on its time machine prototype has had its very first glimpse into the future.  We have some bad news and some great news.  The bad news is the first message from the future is a Chris Matthews’ interview with Obama.  The great news is that Obama lost the 2012 election.  The following is a partial transcript of the interview from February 1, 2013:

CM:  Mr. President, thank you very much for your time.  In know this must be a difficult time for you.
BO:  …………………….
CM:  Mr. President?
BO:  ……………………
CM:  Mr. President, I know you are upset.  Please talk to me.
BO:  Oh, hi Chris.  I didn’t notice you there.  When did you come in?
CM:  Mr. President, we have been setting up for an hour.
BO:  Oh, sorry.  Hey!  Since when have you been in a wheelchair?
CM:  **Sob** It happened on election night.  When the early election returns looked favorable for you, my legs were tingling and jumping around like Charlie Sheen on a three day meth bender.  But when you gave your concession speech 15 minutes later, they went completely numb.  I haven’t had feeling in them since.  But enough about me… How are you getting along now that you are out of office?
BO:  ……………………
CM:  Mr. President?
BO:  Sorry Chris.  Since when have you been in a wheelchair?
CM:  Don’t worry about my troubles Mr. President.  How are YOU doing?
BO:  Well Chris, to be honest… not so hot.  The girls aren’t speaking to me, I’ve had to eat that crap the Michelle tried to force on school kids, and Reggie won’t return my calls.  I think he’s found someone new.  And you know the worst part Chris?
CM:  What’s that Mr. President?
BO:  I’ve only been able to play about 15 rounds of golf!
CM:  But Mr. President, you’ve only been out of office 11 days…
BO:  Yes, but they’ve all been rounds on **sob**, local courses!
CM:  The horror!
BO:  Warren and George have been making fun of me.
*editor’s note:  Warren Buffett and George Soros
CM: So how do you think the new president will fare?
BO:  How will he fare?!?! HOW WILL HE FARE!?!?  He’s friggin Tim Tebow!
CM:  I know, it is a little amazing…
BO:  Amazing?  AMAZING?  Friggin miraculous is what it is… if I believed in that sort of thing.  The guy farts unicorns and pukes lollipops.  First he wins the Super Bowl**, and then his fans get the 28th amendment to the constitution passed in six weeks lowering the minimum age for the presidency, and then the day after he is inaugurated Iran surrenders to Israel!  Gas prices are down, unemployment is down, Obamacare has been repealed, and the republicans balanced the budget in six days!
CM:  I know, it’s very disturbing.
BO:  If things keep going like this, Tebow and the republicans will have America an unassailable superpower again by the end of the year.  HE”S UNDOING EVERYTHING WE WORKED FOR!
CM:  Mr. President. please calm down.  You are going to give yourself a heart attack.
BO:  I won’t calm down!  And the running mate he picked!  I can’t believe he picked……..

At this point, the SACSTW time machine prototype experienced technical difficulties.  Once our scientists get it back up and running, we’ll try and get you the rest of the interview.  Suffice it to say, we were very encouraged by what we heard.  It just goes to show you how bad Obama is that Sahib and the Crew would prefer a Florida Gator/ Denver Broncos quarterback over Obama.

*Sahib and the Crew would like to thank our good friend and Crew Member Emeritus Brian @Holyfield67 for the idea for this post.  We hope you enjoy it Brian!

**Sahib and the Crew are not responsible for gambling losses based on SACSTW time machine predictions.  Sahib and the Crew do however expect a 10% vig on any gambling wins based on SACSTW time machine predictions.  We're kind of like the IRS that way....

Democratic Primary Results in New Hampshire

By now we all know that Romney won the Republican primary in New Hampshire, with Ron Paul second and John Huntsman third.  Any guesses who finished third in the Democratic primary?  I'll give you a hint....

Yep, my man Vermin Supreme finished third in a field of 14 candidates in the New Hampshire Democratic Primary yesterday.  Garnering 1.4% of the vote (better than Rick Perry on the Republican side!), Vermin vows to keep up the campaign throughout the primary season.  Is this a great country or what?

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Best and Brightest of the Democrat Party to Challenge Obama In New Hampshire Today!

Fear not New Hampshire Democrats!  You have an alternative to voting for Dear Leader in your primary today.  A challenge to Barack Hussein Obama has arisen from a wing of the Democratic Party that is significantly more grounded in reality than the Obama Administration.......Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Vermin Supreme!

So, I show this video to Sahib and he immediately asks...."what is Joe Biden doing running against Obama?"
While it is true that the Vice-President and Mr. Supreme have many philosophical similarities, they are not one and the same.  I think.

Mr. Supreme has been running for President for quite some time now.  He garnered 149 votes in the 2004 Democratic Primary in Washington, DC.  He is running on the tried and true "Pony for all Americans" platform.  Not exactly "a chicken in every pot", but hey, it should appeal to 8 year old girls.  In addition, he would like to make kidney transplantation mandatory for all Americans.  Quite frankly, that sounds more palatable than the medical care Obama has planned for us!

Vote early....Vote often.....Vote Vermin!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew

From time to time we here at SACSTW like to look beyond governmental follies and secular progressive inanity to engage in serious, thought-provoking analysis and commentary.  This is not one of those times.
  • From the "how did I miss this last week" department.....Another law that took effect January 1 in Illinois allows holders of a valid trapping permit to collect furbearers killed on Illinois roadways for their pelts and even for food.  Asphalt trappers are urged to wear protective gloves and glasses to avoid exposure to "fluids" that may be harmful.  The recently departed along the highways and byways of Illinois can also be kept for food, although Bob Bluett with the Illinios Department of Natural Resources says "it depends on what shape it's in and how long it's been there".  Note to reader- decline any and all dinner party invitations from Mr. Bluett.  Read more about this story here.
  • Alan Colmes is a vile and digusting human being.  During a Fox News Channel appearance last week, the execrable Colmes ridiculed Rick Santorum for the manner in which his family dealt with the death of a new-born child.  Take a look at this video.  Note around the 1:48 mark where Colmes denies "mocking" the death of a child, and starts to say what he was really mocking....then corrects himself.  Kudos to Rich Lowry from The National Review for pinning Colmes's miserable hide to the door.  

After his comments generated much well-deserved criticism, Colmes issued an "apology" to Santorum for his hurtful words.  Translated from liberal-ese..."I'm sorry I let my guard down and revealed my true despicable nature on national TV".  
  • Quick, look through your bookshelves and coffee tables at home to make sure you don't have any overdue books from the Charlton, Mass. Public Library.  Evidently in Charlton the local police call on 5 year old library patrons with overdue materials at their home and threaten them with arrest.   
  • A 2006 law banning men from working in women's clothing/lingerie shops in Saudi Arabia is finally going to be enforced.  Boycotts from women reluctant to buy their intimate apparel from male employees have pressured the government to begin enforcing the law.  The leading retailer of women's clothing in Saudi Arabia, Gunnysacks "R" Us, has made no public comment.

  • An Australian tourist visiting Zimbabwe had an interesting bungee jump from the Victoria Falls bridge recently.  Erin Langworthy, 22, leaped off the bridge and plummeted toward the waters of the Zambezi River.  Her bungee cord snapped, and she was sent hurtling into the crocodile-infested river with her feet still tied together.  Miraculously she survived the fall, and was able to swim to shore safely.  Now folks, the Crew recommends against bungee jumping under almost any circumstances, but particularly when the waters below look like this....

Don't forget to email us your comments, criticisms, and outrages at sacstw@gmail.com.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Hollywood HOs Weekly Winner: Ellen Barkin

Hollywood Hall of Shame ( Hollywood HOs)

The new year brings a new weekly feature to SACSTW.  Welcome to the the inaugural Sahib and Crew Save the World Hollywood Hall of Shame award, or Hollywood HOs for short.  Our inaugural winner should come as no surprise to regular SACSTW readers.  She was the topic of Wednesday's blog post.  Congratulations Ellen Barkin!  You are the very first member of our Hollywood HOs.

First SACSTW Hollywood HOs member Ellen Barkin

For those of you who missed her shenanigans, Ms. Barkin accused the fine officers of the NYPD of shoving and threatening her.  Her barely legal boy-toy recorded the exchange for posterity.  If senseless carnage and violence is your thing, check out the video below.

After the incident, Ms. Barkin obviously feeling remorse at her boorish behavior followed up with this conciliatory tweet, "F--k all of u, Bloomberg, & every1 goosestepping behind u!"  Since her colorful tweet, Ms. Barkin has wisely taken Thumper's mother's advice and has said little at all.

So Ms. Barkin, The Crew and I salute you as our first inductee into our Hollywood HOs!  You do Hollywood and your profession proud.

*Editors note:  There will be an end of year Hollywood HOs winner... Stay tuned!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Make Mine an Eagle Salad Sandwich!

Pre-Ginsu Blade Wind Turbine Golden Eagle
Post-Ginsu Eagles

Wow!  The law of unintended liberal consequences strikes again.  Apparently, the killing of protected birds is okie dokie as long as it is in the pursuit of "green" energy.  Seems like red splattered energy to me.  Why haven't we seen Greenpeace protesters strapping themselves to turbine blades?  Oh, that's right!  Wind-power is one of the darlings of the left.  According to the People's Republic of California officials, one (that's uno for you bi-lingual education proponents) state-approved wind farm kills 4,700 birds yearly.  This includes 1,300 raptors of which approximately 70 are golden eagles.

But wait!  There's more!  According to a MSNBC article, the federal government is proposing a "first of its kind" permit to allow wind farm developers to legally kill golden eagles.  The screaming from lefty-bunny-huggers must be deafening.  Hmmmm, maybe I need to turn up my hearing-aid.  All I hear is crickets.

I know, devoted readers, that I should no longer be surprised by the hypocrisy of the left.  Anything is permissible to them as long as it forwards their agendas.  I just wonder about the outrage we would be experiencing if say, a nuclear reactor was zapping these regal creatures from the sky.  Aging actresses and Disney tween-queens would be hanging on the fences sobbing.

Far be it for your humble author to get all weepy about environmental issues.  I am a card-carrying member of PETA (People for the Eating of Tasty Animals) and have one apron that says "Kill It and Grill It" and another that says "Choke It and Smoke It".  I am for exploring all energy options that can make us less dependent on oil controlled by South American dictators and the mad mullahs of the gulf.  However; don't get all preachy with me about "saving Mother Nature" and conveniently ignore the environmental impact of your "green" initiatives.

Oh well, I guess I'll just pull on my baby-seal-skin boots and head out to the local reservoir to catch me a mess of fish for a nice snail-darter sandwich.  This time of year the bald eagles are thick out there.  I promise that I won't tell them their cousins are being julienned out on the left-coast so Californians can feel good about being "green".