Monday, March 25, 2013

Monday Musings With The Crew

I have to confess.....I was so overwhelmed with the lunacy of the left last week, that I just couldn't form any coherent posts on any of the topics.  Let's try to sum up a few of the humdingers in Monday Musings today....

Excuse me while I whip this out!

  • It has come to this.  In the country of Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Reagan, it has come to this. Today, if you google the phrase "duck penis", the first thing you find is a story about the United States federal government.  Sufferin' succotash!  It seems that you and I gave researchers at Yale University $400,000 for a study entitled "Sexual Conflict, Social Behavior, and the Evolution of Waterfowl Genitalia".  Here is my question.....If this grant request was approved, exactly what do you have to propose researching in order to have a grant request denied?  The soul shudders at the thought.....
  • Florida State Senator Audrey Gibson (D-Jacksonville) has proposed legislation that would require purchasers of ammunition to present proof that they have taken and passed an anger management class.  Obviously she is one of the great Constitutional scholars of our time.  
The fiends are even marketing these weapons
to children!
  • Anthony Mayo was arrested in Mojave, CA on charges that he murdered his wife in August of 2012 in Las Vegas.  He allegedly beat his wife with a vacuum cleaner, and she succumbed to her brain injury 2 weeks later.  Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) responded by calling for a ban on all vacuums with a canister or bag capacity over 1 quart.  "There can be no justification for having these high-capacity devices in the hands of ordinary citizens" said the Senator, adding "They just suck."  

  • Can we finally put to rest the notion that Barack Obama is the most brilliant man to every occupy the Oval Office?  Last week on his sojourn through the Middle East, Dear Leader spent much of his time talking about the "2 state" solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.  Here is one of his more outrageous comments...
And those two states I think will be able to deal with each other the same way all states do.  I mean, the United States and Canada has arguments once in a while, but they're not the nature of arguments  that can't be solved diplomatically.

Grammatical difficulties aside, did the President of the United States just equate the Israeli-Palestinian conflict with the relationship the United States has with Canada along our northern border?  That seems a bit of a stretch, even for Dear Leader.  I mean, it has been months since the Canucks lobbed a missile strike into the U.S., and anyway they are just mad that it has been 20 years since a team from Canada won the Stanley Cup!

An interesting caveat to these great words of wisdom from Dear Leader......he delivered them while standing under a giant picture of Yasser Arafat, the father of modern terrorism.  I'm sure this photo gives Netanyahu a warm cozy feeling.....

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Poetry-Reading Lesbian Bondage Experts of the World Unite!

A tragedy of biblical proportions has befallen one of the hallowed halls of higher education.  The University of Tennessee has decided not to COMPLETELY fund a cherished UT campus tradition.  No, they haven’t done away with the annual torch walk and Smokey IX will get a new orange and white smock to be embarrassed in at football games next year.  It’s even worse.  Organizers will have to come up with some of their own funding for Sex Week.  Apparently, university leaders have caved and abandoned their principles in the face of opposition.  Instead of footing the entire $20K bill for Sex Week, they are only chipping in about a third.

As I read the news of this travesty, I thought “Gee, the poor kids won’t get to learn about being responsible, abstinence, contraception, and preventing STDs.”  Then I saw the agenda for the week.  Some of the highlights include:  “Getting Laid,” “Sex Positivity; Queer as a Verb,” “Bow Chicka Bow Woah,” “How to talk to Your Parents About Sex,” “Loud and Queer,” and “How Many Licks Does it Take…” – a workshop about oral sex. 

These paled in comparison to what I consider to be the climax of the week, a presentation by poetry-reading lesbian bondage expert, Sinclair Sexsmith.  In my almost 48 years of life and the millions upon millions of words I have read, I can honestly say I have never spoken, heard, or even read the combination of words, poetry-reading lesbian bondage expert. (Or PRLB to aficionados.)  And with great trepidation, I allowed my mind to wander and wonder… How does one get to be a PRLB expert?  Is there some kind of contest?  Is it a title like Nobel Laureate? Is there an International PRLB festival or symposium? And if not, The Crew has graciously offered to host one.  However; I digress.

PRLB Laureate Emeritus Sinclair Sexsmith 
What kind of country do we live in where our tax dollars are prevented from being spent on educating our children about getting laid and oral sex?  How can we ever hope to compete globally with China, Japan, and India when we are not doing everything in our power to assist the youth of America in becoming poetry-reading lesbian bondage experts?

Never let it be said that Sahib and The Crew are anything but civic-minded, so in support of this great cause, we are starting the Midwest Chapter of PRLB (a wholly owned subsidiary of WHAMO).  Anyone wishing to join is welcome.  You can submit your application in the comments section of this post.  Donations will be taken at the first chapter meeting to be sent to those poor kids at UT.  Because it’s all about the children.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Monday Musings With The Crew

  • Something is happening in Philadelphia that should terrify you to your very core.  Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter has directed the Philadelphia Human Rights Commission to investigate Philadelphia Magazine.  You see, the magazine dared to publish an essay about race relations that was authored by a white journalist and that contained quotes and opinions from white citizens of Philadelphia.  Mayor Nutter called the piece "disgusting", and described the white citizens quoted in the article as "too cowardly" to use their names.  Here's my opinion.......Mayor Nutter is just one more in a long line of race-baiting progressives who will do anything it takes to shut white people up.  He is despicable, intellectually dishonest, and a threat to every freedom-loving American of any color.  Read the Philadelphia Magazine article here, and decide for yourself.

  • Pew Research Center has released an interesting study of cable news outlets, comparing time spent reporting factual news vs time spent on opinion and commentary.  CNN led the way, spending 54% of its time reporting the news, and 46% opining about it.  Fox News was next, with 45% hard news and 55% opinion.  A distant third were the pyschopathic leftists at MSNBC, who spend 15% of their time reporting the news, and an astounding 85% of their time spewing filth about it.  Me? I think 15% sounds pretty high for MSNBC's actual news coverage.

  • Barack Obama, the great centrist, has nominated a hard left radical to fill his Cabinet's empty slot at Labor.  Tom Perez is a dangerous man, and should be allowed nowhere near a presidential Cabinet post.  Senate Republicans must derail this nomination at any cost.  Read more about Mr. Perez and the Inspector General's report on his gross misdeed's while at the Dept. of Justice here.  

I'd give her a million bucks in taxpayer funds
just to go away....
  • And then there's this......   The federal government has awarded a Harvard-associated hospital $1.5 million of Other People's Money (OPM) to research why lesbians are so fat.  According to the grant application, 75% of lesbians are obese.  Look, only one of two things can be happening here.  Either Rosie O'Donnell is just skewing the curve for everybody, or.....dare I suggest it.......maybe this is nothing more than the classic chicken and egg scenario.  

  • Finally, in a remarkable example of typecasting, Barack Obama is apparently playing Satan in the current History Channel hit "The Bible".  The big baddie himself showed up in last night's episode, and the internet exploded with the amazing similarity the character had to Dear is Glenn Beck's tweet on the topic.......                  

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Secret Video From Inside Conclave Of Cardinals Released!

In what can only be described as a stunning triumph in undercover journalism, SACSTW has obtained highly classified video taken during the recent conclave of cardinals.  The video captures the reaction of the new pope as he is informed of his election.  It is believed that the video was taken by a hi-tech camera hidden in Cardinal Murray's cassock.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Holy Smoke!

In related news, the Environmental Protection Agency, in conjunction with the United Nations,  is preparing a lawsuit against the Vatican for violation of air emissions standards.....

Monday, March 11, 2013

Courtesy of our friends at The Patriot Post.....


Monday Musings With The Crew

it's been a good year....

  • Congratulations to the KState men's basketball team on their first conference championship (albeit shared!) since 1977.  Attention KU fan, if you are going to count your shared titles in 2005, 2006, and 2008,  we are counting this one.
  • A 25 year old high school softball coach has lost his job after "allegedly" asking some of his female players to "find a cute girl" for him to date.  Troy Hennum was on the job at Roosevelt High School in Seattle for a grand total of 6 days.  I suppose we can be thankful he was just using his players to find him dates, instead of actually dating his players.  More here.

Very fly in the prison
orange Mr. Mayor!
  • Former Detroit mayor and current scumbag Kwame Kilpatrick was convicted today of multiple counts of racketeering and corruption.  When last we saw Mr. Kilpatrick, he was doing 14 months in the slammer for probation violations related to a case involving his affair with his chief of staff.  Maybe I should start a weekly "Democrats in prison jumpsuits" feature here at SACSTW!
  • Dennis Rodman's little buddy Kim Jong Un has evidently gone off his meds.  The North Korean crackpot has canceled the armistice agreement that ended the Korean War.  Somebody better tell Hawkeye and Beej.  
  • Found some old video of Howard Dean the other day, he's the one in the green......

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Dianne Feinstein: It's Legal To Hunt Humans....Really

Here at SACSTW, we strive to illustrate the sheer idiocy of the left.  To that end, we occasionally use hyperbole, satire, and other tools with which to skewer our prey.  At other times, we just let them fall on their own sword.......

All these years I have thought these were used to display clothing,  now I find out they are really hunting decoys......

Friday, March 8, 2013

The Face Of Gun Control In Colorado

Everyone knows that gun control activists are busy all across SecondTermica, making grabs for your lawfully purchased guns, magazines, and ammunition.  Nowhere is this more true than in the Colorado statehouse.  Unfortunately, the great state of Colorado has succumbed to a massive influx of liberal statists from California.

The Colorado legislature has moved forward with several anti-gun legislative measures, and one of the lawmakers at the forefront is Representative Rhonda Fields.  A Democrat from Aurora, Fields has been a prominent voice railing against your Constitutional rights.  Let's see, I'm sure I have a picture of her somewhere.......

Nope, not there....hmmm

Wait.......yep, there it is!

Ain't she a peach!  Now to be honest, I'm not sure exactly when this particular mugshot was taken....could have been in 1976 when she was arrested for larceny.  Or maybe 1991, when she was arrested for shoplifting.  I'm pretty sure it's not from 1998 when she pled guilty to writing bad checks.  Probably wasn't from her careless driving charge in 1989, or her traffic citations in 2007, 2009, and 2011.  

Ahh, now I see.  The date on the mugshot is indeed 1991.  Voters in Aurora must be so proud!  

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Woman Killed By CousCous!

Look, I know that the news today is all about Rand Paul's filibuster, the shredding of the Constitution by Dear Leader, blah blah blah.  The real news today is that an innocent young American woman was killed by a heretofore seemingly inocuous form of Middle Eastern grain.  Was this another Islamist plot?  Can we expect further pasta attacks?  What??  Hold on just a second here......

I am being informed by SACSTW researchers that the couscous in question was actually CousCous, a 350 lb African lion.  The beast apparently killed a worker at an exotic cat refuge in California.  The 24 year old volunteer intern was inside the cage with CousCous when the cat attacked her.  As I watched the report on Fox and Friends this morning, noted wildlife expert Gretchen Carlson intoned that authorities were investigating what "triggered the attack".


Let me save the "authorities" a lot of time and trouble.  What triggered the attack by Couscous was the close proximity of a defenseless prey item.  End of story.  Literally.  Every time a human being tries to cozy up to a large predator and gets killed and/or consumed there is great confusion and consternation amongst the greenbean/animal lover/do-gooder crowd.  Let's ask noted grizzly bear enthusiast Timothy Treadwell about the habits of large predators around humans.  Nevermind, I forgot that Timothy and his girlfriend were killed and eaten in 2003 by their bear buddies.

Take some advice from your old friend the Crew......a sure fire way to avoid becoming predator poop is to stay out of cages that contain said predator.  Note that this advice is not all-encompassing in areas where such creatures roam around naturally.  In these places I would add this corollary.....don't get it on with your sweetie in the African bush.

Personally, I blame The Lion King, but that's just me.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Breaking News- Hugo Chavez Reportedly Dead

News is breaking out of Venezuela that long-time whackadoodle President Hugo Chavez has died.  The 58 year old Chavez had been in poor physical condition for some time, and in poor mental shape for as long as anyone can remember.  Chavez's death is just one more blow to the exclusive "Heads of state that wear insane hats" club, of which Hugo was a charter member.

As the news of Chavez's passing filtered out of Venezuela, suicide prevention specialists were dispatched to the homes of Sean Penn and Danny Glover, lest they decide to whack themselves upon hearing the news.

More importantly, today's events bring to a total of 3 the number of despotic wingnuts who have assumed room temperature since the era of SACSTW began.  Perhaps the overwhelming logic and intellectual superiority of SACSTW was simply too much for their delicate psyches.  Much work remains to be done.....

Friday, March 1, 2013

Women Try Out Biden's Advice- Must Watch Video!

This just in to the SACSTW news desk.... Already planning for after he gets clobbered in the 2016 primaries by Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden has started a company specializing in self-defense instruction for women.  We have obtained video of Joe's first class going through some firing drills.......

Please compare and contrast the clips of women firing Joe's weapon of choice, versus the eminently controllable and precise AR-15.

There appear to be a few flaws in the curriculum at the Biden School for Self Defense.  Certainly there are many women out there perfectly capable of operating a shotgun properly, SHEAL Teams 1 & 2 come to mind.  Is a double-barreled scattergun fired into the air the best SD technique for anyone?  Umm, no.  Joe Biden should just shut his yap when it comes to guns, and only bloviate on topics he IS an expert on.  Like spending other people's money.