Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Sahib's Great Toilet Paper Conundrum

The Anatomy of an Attempted Discussion with a Liberal

Recently, something my high school American History once said has really been sticking with me.  He said that he never read conservative opinion columnists because he agreed with them.  He read the liberal columnists because he wanted to know what the enemy was thinking.  Hence, I have been spending some time reading the Huffington Post.  After a few months of this, I can tell Mr. Englund what the liberals are thinking... NOTHING!  The following is a typical interaction with a liberal commenter on the Huffington Post:

I was reading a story about a study that was reporting that 10% of US watersheds were "under stress".  They had a nifty map and everything.  Green was good. (of course it was)  Red was bad.  Here it is.
Notice anything about where most of the problems areas are?  We have such smart readers.  You guessed it!  The desert areas.  Like in all other things, California has the biggest problem which prompted the following comment from yours truly, Sahib.

“Wow, this is a real puzzler. The population of California has nearly quadrupled since 1950 and the water supply is stressed. What a shocking development! I had a similar mysterious problem where I live. When I was single I only went through a roll of toilet paper a week. Now that I have a wife and two boys, I need a lot more than that. Maybe there's a climatologist out there with computer model that can explain it for me.”

Which prompted the following exchange with OldJazzyGirl:

“Better yet............You could explain WHY righties SCREAM about CONTRACEPTION?”

“Huh? Use it whenever my wife and I have relations.  Two boys are enough for me.  There are occasionally loud noises, but I wouldn't exactly call it screaming.”

At this point, the conversation takes a swift detour from the original topic...

“Perhaps you could connect population explosion and why we need easily accessed contraception for ALL?”

Not sure that anyone really believes in a "population explosion" in the US anymore, but I figure I'll play along...

“Since when has it been hard to come by?  I've been able to access it without problem since I was 16.  And believe me, I wasn't about to ask anyone else to pay for it when I was 16.”

“Apparently, you are SPECIAL. Take your head out of the sand.”

“Again, since when have contraceptives been hard to come by?  Condoms are about $1 a piece.  Generic birth control pills range from $10 to about $35 a month without insurance.  Doesn't seem that daunting to me.”

“It is for some people. And you need a doctor's prescription for birth control pills. The uninsured? 
And guess what....The world is bigger than you. To suggest that because something is easy for you so, therefore, it should be an identical experience for everyone else suggests that your head is somewhere other than in the sand.”

“The world is bigger than me?  Wow, didn't know that.  How about instead of spouting hyperbolic rhetoric you provide some concrete examples of how excruciatingly hard it is for people not living in my apparent Mecca of contraceptives to acquire them? ”

“I shouldn't have to educate you on the problems of people who have less than you have. If you haven't noticed by now, you never will.”

“You won't because you can't.  When the facts don't match your perception of the world you hide behind tired platitudes and rhetoric.  Show me where in the US in a concentrated population area a person can't walk to the nearest convenience store and buy a pack of condoms.

You don't want access.  You want EASY access.  The problem isn't availability.  It's laziness. It's people behaving irresponsibly.  It's people making bad choices.
It would be nice if the condom fairy would wave her magic wand right before the moment of penetration.  Or in the case of "my man won't wear a condom", the birth control unicorn would come stab you in the arm once a month, but that isn't going to happen.

I understand that some people's lives are harder than others, but I defy you to find a major metropolitan area in this country where any person can't find affordable contraceptive options.  It might just take a little effort to find them.  But apparently for you, this is too much to ask.”

Sahib Sep 25, 2013 at 14:14:43 in Green
“"of people who have less than you" Honey, even when I was making $5 an hour and trying to decide which utility I needed the least, I paid for my own contraceptives. You know why? Because I thought it was the responsible thing to do. I was in no way prepared to have children so I took steps to make sure it didn't happen. I took personal responsibility. I understand that concept is an anathema to many of you on the left, but there it is.”

OldJazzyGirl on Sep 25, 2013 at 14:23:44
“Blah, blah, blah, blah, me, me, me, me, me. You have to be one lousy mother.”

Sahib Sep 25, 2013 at 14:39:39 in Green
“AHHHHH! Another favorite tactic of the left... "I have no facts to back up my assertions so I will resort to ad hominem attacks!" But yes, if teaching my boys that choices have consequences and teaching them to take responsibility for those choices constitutes a "lousy mother", I am happily a lousy mother. Psst.... Just don't tell my wife that I mentioned earlier, she thinks SHE is their lousy mother...”

And that devoted readers, is where OldJazzyGirl bailed... I have checked right up to the publication of this post, and to my great sorrow, OldJazzyGirl has abandoned me. But I am far from discouraged.  Because I know there are 100s just like her ready to spew their drivel.  This exchange was not the exception.  It is the norm.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Big Changes For Hollywood HOs Award....

One of our regular tasks here at SACSTW is awarding the Hollywood Hall of Shame award, or Hollywood HOs for short.  A brilliant creation of Sahib's, this award goes to the celebrity who best embodies the brain-dead, liberal-dogma spouting, narcissistic traits that we all have come to love in our Hollywood heroes.

I'm going to take some liberties today with Sahib's award, and announce a name change...     The Hollywood Hall of Shame award will now (at least for this week) be known as "The Miley".  I have a team of designers and sculptors feverishly working to produce a trophy, but can share this image of the prototype design with you today.....

Anyway, on with the countdown.  Several excellent contenders were vying for the very first Miley, but the judges selected Gwyneth "Fast and Furious" Paltrow.  The actress was an absolute menace on the roads this week, cutting off a school bus while riding her scooter with daughter Apple (don't get me started...).  Husband Chris Martin followed close behind on another Vespa, and the pair haughtily "zoomed" through traffic creating their own lane as they went.  Watch for yourself....

The Paltrow's narrowly averted making Applesauce out of their daughter, and in doing so are this week's Miley Award winners!

P.S.  I've never really gotten the "Gwyneth is so hot" thing.  Your thoughts?

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Meet the Ravaged Taxpayer of Missouri

The scent lingered in the air,drawing the attention of the beasts.  It was familiar,and tugged at their brainstem, urging them to respond.  A couple more sniffs, and they were sure…….somewhere in the great state of Missouri, someone was trying to return tax money to the taxpayers.  

The beasts paused, and lifted their foul snouts from the bloody and torn carcass of the taxpayer.  Slavering and dripping with Other People’s Money, their jaws opened to render a baleful howl…….

“With a price tag of $800 million, this legislation (the proposed tax cut) is an ill-conceived, fiscally irresponsible experiment that would hurt our economy, and jeopardize funding for public services”...........Governor Jay Nixon

“The bill will have a devastating effect on our school district…….we will have to start making cuts immediately that will effect students education.   Corporations will be seeing more profit, and our students will be paying the price”..................Independence (MO) Superintendent Dale Herl

“passing HB 253 hurts education, transportation, mental health and all other priorities we have as a state”      Missouri State Senator Paul Levota (D-11)

Once again, the creatures suckling at the public teat got their way.  After the Missouri General Assembly passed the first income tax rate cut in the state in OVER 100 YEARS, it was promptly vetoed by Democratic Governor Jay Nixon.  The Assembly held their veto session this week, and fell short of overriding Nixon’s veto.  

So there ya go….the torrent of OPM that flows from the people to the government goes unstaunched.  Any attempt to do so is met with the predictable and trite laments of how it will ruin the lives of children, cause the elderly to burst into flame, and force ugly chicks to purchase their own birth control.  

The great beasts are satisfied now, for the moment.  They lower their loathsome heads, and resume ripping and tearing at the taxpayer’s corpse, consuming every last fiber of meat and gobbet of fat.  


The Day the Climate Stood Still

There is a great deal of buzz over an upcoming literary release.  In fact, the excitement level has surpassed even that of 14 year old girls over the publication of the last Twilight book.  Yes, devoted readers, that's right... I am referring to the soon to be New York Times best seller, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change's Fifth Assessment Report, or AR5 to its friends. (Wait, isn't that an assault rifle?)

Don't worry, I won't spoil the cliff-hanger ending for you.  Well, OK.  If you insist.

*****SPOILER ALERT!******

  • The earth might be getting a lot warmer, a little warmer, or maybe cooling slightly.  (Cue the three bears...)
  • The sea levels might rise a little or a lot.

Regardless of what happens, it's our fault.  Which brings us to a new entry on Sahib's List of Questions Liberals Refuse to Answer:  What is the ultimate goal of the apocalyptic climate change hand-wringers?  I know the answer for the more cynical of us.  Liberals want control AND they want to make money.  How much has Algore made off his "green initiatives"?  But I believe that there are truly people out there that believe the earth's entire polar bear population will soon be stranded on small patches of melting ice.  This seems to upset them.  It is for these people I pose the question:  If I could give you god-like power to do whatever you wished with the earth's climate, what would you do?  Initiate climate stasis?  The earth has been warming and cooling since its creation.  In the timeline of the earth's history, how can you take a sample size of 150 years and extrapolate a trend?  So please tell me, what is the global climate goal?

Which begs another question... Are global coastal populations going into cryogenic stasis for the next 100 or so years?  The big scare that the AGW people like to use is the earth warms, land ice melts, and then sea levels rise thus drowning billions of people.  Worst case scenarios have sea levels rising five feet by 2100.  Apparently, between midnight on December 31, 2099, and 12:01 on January 1, 2100, sea levels are going to instantly jump five feet. (maybe)

Hold on... the crack SACSTW climate staff is informing me that the sea level rise will NOT happen over night.  So I guess people living on the coasts will have to move their deck chairs back 6 inches a year.  Oh, the humanity!

Oh, and anyone curious about the #1 entry on Sahib's List of Questions Liberals Refuse to Answer?  I've posted it before.  The first commenter to post it wins a free copy of AR5.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

A Day of Remembrance...

When I was contemplating what to write today, the following quote kept running through my mind.  It is one of my favorites and I feel really embodies the American spirit:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. "
-Theodore Roosevelt 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Is the Apocalypse Upon Us?

Well devoted readers, it's been a while.  While The Crew and I have taken a bit of a sabbatical to recharge the batteries and restore the creative juices, there is just so much going on in the world we couldn't stay away any longer.  The world has become even a stranger place than when we took our little break.  Here are just a few of the signs that the apocalypse may be upon us:

  • Twerk and selfie have been added to the Oxford dictionary.  My late high school English teacher is spinning in his grave.
  • Hannah Montana has out-skanked Madonna, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton combined.
  • Democrats are wanting to bomb middle-eastern countries and Republicans are against it.
  • Beefcake Vlad Putin is actually photographed with his shirt ON and is now the voice of reason in the middle-east. 
  • Some middle-aged white dude dressed like Beetlejuice has the pop "song of the summer".
  • Lindsay Lohan's 423 trip to rehab might be the one that takes.
  • Actual news headlines that include:  "Weiner Accused of Abusing Staff" and "NYPD Denies Accusations of Vagina Slapping in Bong Throwing Incident"
  • And last but not least... Sahib has been posting comments on the Huffington Post. (I feel so dirty...)
Those are just a few things that have caught my eye in recent months.  Check back soon for more!  It's good to be back.