Sunday, May 15, 2016

What Have You People Done?

This blog was born in the crucible of the 2012 Presidential campaign.  Sahib and I spent years extolling the virtues of conservatism and limited government.  We lampooned and skewered big government statists no matter what party they called home.  Browse the archives if you don't believe me.

After several years, we concluded that our work was done.  Surely the political pendulum would swing back our way after the wreckage that has been the Obama administration.  The nation would turn to a Republican candidate who embraced and honored the Constitution, who recognized that the uncontrolled malignancy of the federal government is the biggest threat to the American dream.  Secure in this knowledge, I retreated to the Tibetan highlands to begin my pursuit of total consciousness.

Fast forward to two weeks ago.  I'm deep in study with the 14th son of the Lama, just about to reach Gunga Galunga...when from far over the mountain tops comes a plea for help, stabbing the darkness
with the light of a thousand suns.


















I had no choice but to respond. After a three day burro ride down the mountain, I used my satphone to hastily arrange an extraction by SHEAL team 2.  Ten exhausting days of travel (OK, we actually spent 8 of them on a beach in Vanuatu) later, I arrived back at SACSTW headquarters and received the horrifying news.

DONALD TRUMP IS THE PRESUMPTIVE GOP NOMINEE

I'm not going to rehash the whole primary process here.  Suffice it to say that GOP voters took a look at a leader who matched my description above, and tossed Ted Cruz aside like a stale doughnut. Blame it on open primaries, blame it on our reality show fixation, blame it on rampant syphilis...the bottom line is in the battle to defeat big government liberalism the Republican party will nominate a big government liberal.   

So I have come back.  Back to chronicle the insanity of a Trump-Clinton general election, back to implore voters and delegates to reconsider.  Until the gavel falls at the Republican National Convention there is still a chance to avert this disaster. 

#NeverTrump


Monday, August 17, 2015

Monday Musings With The Crew

  • Over the weekend in Kansas City, Mayor Sly James held an event called "Rock the Block".  The mayor's office organizes Rock the Block to provide urban yoots "a safe
    KC Mayor Sly James
    place to hang out and celebrate the end of summer". The event had to end prematurely due to the large number of fights breaking out among said yoots. By the time the hanging out and celebrating was over, the KC Police Department had maced and arrested multiple yoots. Nothing marks the end of summer quite like the tang of Mace hanging in the air.  Probably should have just stuck to Midnight Basketball




  •  Recently Mrs. Crew and I visited our local IKEA store for the first time.  Picked up a few items for the office, sampled the Swedish meatballs in the store cafeteria, all in all it was a nice afternoon.  My favorite part of the day was neither of us getting beheaded at the store. The same can not be said for an IKEA shopper in the retailer's home nation of Sweden.  Read more here.

  • In recent years, Topeka, KS has had a  problem with nekkid citizens. Public nudity is apparently legal in Topeka, and a few of the locals have been taking full advantage. Looks like the party may be winding down though, as the city council is taking up a new ordinance that would ban public nudity. Exceptions would be made for breastfeeding mothers, and children under the age of ten (?). SACSTW investigators have not been able to confirm that Topeka council members are privately referring to the new ordinance as the Crew's Law.
     
  •  Looks like the anti-gun laws in Massachusetts are really cutting down on crime. I'll just leave this surveillance photo from a Holyoke, MA bank robbery here....
    "Aaaarrrrr, gimme all the money"

  •  Let's close this edition of Monday Musings with a quiz to see how well you've been paying attention to the intelligent, well-reasoned arguments of the left this week.  Who was quoted as saying "I'd like to take my period blood and smear it all over some people's faces" when asked about pro-lifers?
    • Rosie O'Donnell
    • Rosie O'Donnell
    • Rosie O'Donnell
    • Bruce Jenner
                Still stumped?  OK, here's your one and only hint.....



Friday, August 14, 2015

WTH is a Fetty Wap?

The bard of the 21st Century, Mr. Wap.
Earlier this week, this was a question that I posed to The Crew. The local sports and news stations in Kansas City were going orgasmic over a reported Fetty Wap sighting at the Tuesday night Royals' game. So I phoned The Learned Crew (my source for all things hip) and asked, "What the hell is a Feddy Wop?" He said that he wasn't sure but he believed that Feddy Wop was a who and not what.  I told him that from all the hysteria I thought perhaps Elvis had returned from the dead or that the Queen of England was travelling under an alias.

He said, "I'm on it!"  A few minutes later he called back and explained that in fact yes,  Feddy Wop is a who and not a what and that the proper spelling was FETTY WAP.  Mr. Wap is apparently a new musical artist of some renown and is very popular with some of the Royals players.  His big hit is a little ditty titled "Trap Queen".  The Crew further informed me that he had viewed the video for Trap Queen and that he needed to get off the phone and shower as a result.  Before he clicked off he said, "You have to watch it."  So when I got home from work, I sat down at my computer to review "Trap Queen".  Here are my thoughts.   (Having grown up trying to decipher Mick Jagger's lyrics, I went split screen with the Trap Queen lyrics as I was watched.)

This man is truly the bard of his generation and I was viewing his magnum opus.  I believe I was listening to the Handel's Messiah of the 21st century. For those of you who haven't seen the video, I think I gleaned a few things:

  • Fetty (to his friends) makes a fantastic living as a baker.  He multiple times refers to making pies with his baby and having a sack to roll.  I am inferring that he means a sack of flour to roll into pie dough.
  • He likes money.
  • He likes his stripper girlfriend
  • The pie baking business is dangerous because he surrounds himself with a number of very large and scary looking individuals.

It was a very uplifting and inspiring song.  So much so, that I felt compelled to up my street cred by taking Sahib Jr. to see "Straight Outta Compton" last night.  I feel my pants sagging off my butt as I type.

Have a wonderful Friday and a safe weekend everyone.  And PEACE OUT!

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Happy Birthday.....To Us!


August of 2011 was dark and full of terrors.  With the 2012 Presidential campaign in full swing, the spectre of a second Obama term was looming over all of us.  I pitched the idea of a political commentary blog to Sahib, and SACSTW was born... four years ago today.

At first I thought we would occupy ourselves primarily with the election, but it didn't take long for SACSTW to careen off in another direction.  After all, there are any number of outlets where you can hear the latest banal politital analysis if you so choose.  But let's be honest...there aren't too many that cover the craziness of our world like SACSTW.

The first few weeks we were a little cautious, feeling our way through the blogosphere like the rank amateurs we were. That all changed on September 26, 2011 with the publication of Sahib's classic "Raising a Nation of Mush-Brained Wusses".  That post blazed a trail for the snark, sarcasm, and satire that is SACSTW's trademark.  Soon after, a little thing called Occupy Wall Street happened, and our cup was overflowing.

No one escapes the arrows of SACSTW, we will skewer anyone who.....

Breaking News-Breaking News-Breaking News

SACSTW interrupts this maudlin, self-congratulatory pablum to bring you late breaking news and definitive evidence that the devolution of Homo sapiens is nearly complete. South Carolina authorities have charged 55 year old David Hoyt with shoplifting $75 in steaks from a Food Lion store in Spartanburg County.  Seems hum drum you say?  What is interesting about another shoplifter?  Dear readers, let me assure you Mr. Hoyt is no ordinary shoplifter.  Upon questioning, Hoyt's girlfriend confirmed that the scalawag had stolen the steaks by....hiding them in his colostomy
Not Sahib
bag. 

And so it has come to this.  After 4 years, 390 posts, and with readers in over 100 countries, I find myself without words.  All because of David Hoyt and his colostomy bag of purloined protein.  

I'll just close with this.  Sahib and I have been writing partners for 4 years, and friends for almost 10 20 30, for crying out loud it has been damn near 40 years!  Happy 4th Birthday buddy!

Editor's Note- that is the colostomy bag guy, not Sahib.  


Wednesday, August 12, 2015

SACSTW Tweet of the Day!

Today's tweet comes from perennial SACSTW favorite David Burge (with a nod to Chief Brody), give him a follow at @iowahawkblog...