Monday, April 30, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew

  • Noted climate expert Tim McCarver commented on the Fox Baseball Game of the Week that "climactic change" has caused the air to "become thinner", and has resulted in the great increase in home runs struck in major-league baseball.  Nice theory Tim, let's just forget the fact that the 4,552 home runs hit in 2011 were the lowest number since 1995.  Please just go back to butchering the English language during your broadcasts.  By the way, it's "climatic change".  Climactic change refers to a change in the process of  attaining a climax.  I think we can all agree that is something different.  
  • Sahib hit on something in his most excellent post Saturday, something that has been on my mind for some time now.  What would happen if we resurrected the old anti-drug slogan "Just Say No"?  No to the atheist/gay/greenbean/liberal/occupy/PETA/EPA/Homeowner Association/transgender/gun control types who want to control our lives based on the amount of perceived offense we cause them.  No to jumping through all the regulatory hoops, permits, licenses, yada yada yada like the trained sheep the government would like us to be.  No to mollycoddling every screaming brat who didn't get something he wanted (see below).  There is power in numbers folks, we must present a united front if we are to bring about change.  Let's start by saying "No".
  • An Oklahoma state trooper had an interesting day on Friday.  During a routine traffic stop, he noticed a pungent chemical smell in the vehicle.  When he asked the driver about it, the passenger in the vehicle bolted.  The trooper chased him down, and during the scuffle the man's meth lab exploded.  You know, the one he had hidden in his pants.  "Say, is that a meth lab in your pants, or are you just too tweaked to see me?"

Just Relax Honey.....
  • Ok folks, a little relationship advice from the Crew.  If your girlfriend is a dentist, and you dump her, probably not a good idea to let her around your mouth with pliers anymore.  Unfortunately for Marek Olszewski, he did not heed that sage advice.  Only a few days after breaking up with his dentist girlfriend Anna Mackowiak, Olszewski went to her for treatment of a toothache.  She sedated him, and EXTRACTED EVERY ONE OF HIS TEETH!  Same advice goes for those urologist/proctologist/neurosurgeon girlfriends too!
  • This month's issue of Imprimis from Hillsdale College arrived over the weekend.  The feature article is a fascinating look at "The Decline of American Monuments and Memorials".  Read it online here, and see photos of all the monuments mentioned here.  While you are at it, subscribe to Imprimis as well, it's free!
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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Hey Kid...There's No Crying In Baseball !

Now they've gone too far.  The left's entitlement virus has infected that great American  
Most of you probably know the story.  At Wednesday night's Yankees-Rangers game, Mitch Moreland of the Rangers tossed a baseball into the stands behind first base.  The ball was caught by Sean Leonard and his fiancee Shannon Moore.  A 3 year old child sitting adjacent to the couple immediately commenced caterwauling and screeching because he didn't get the ball.  

Seemingly oblivious to the tyrannical toddler, the couple enjoyed their moment, with Leonard taking a photo of Moore holding the ball.  Unbeknownst to the couple, Yankees announcer Michael Kay was berating them on live TV for not giving the ball to the child.

America seems to agree with Mr. Kay, as everywhere you look online this week there are attacks on Moore and Leonard.  About the kindest thing I have seen them called is "the worst people ever".  Never fear Sean and Shannon, the Crew has got your back!  

Moore and Leonard have demanded an apology from Kay and the YES network, and rightly so.  For those announcers to broadcast vicious personal attacks on the couple is reprehensible, and far worse than any violation of baseball fan etiquette Moore and Leonard may have committed.

Had they given the ball to the lachrymose laddie, the child would have had his sense of entitlement cemented for life.  We may have seen him next at age 18, squalling about how the American taxpayer needs to cough up the money for his college education.  Or maybe in front of Congress, begging for the government to buy his condoms.  Guess who agrees with me?  The kid's parents!  It turns out that Moore and Leonard offered the ball to the kid later in the game, and the parents declined.  They didn't want their son to think he could get anything he wants just by throwing a tantrum.  Bravo!  

Unfortunately, the Rangers undermined this life lesson by tossing the kid another ball from the dugout, and reports are that the team is going to give the boy a signed team jersey.  Great.  

One last bit of advice for the kid from this old baseball coach.....get better.  You were the only one in the vicinity of the ball wearing a baseball glove, and you couldn't make the play.  I know you are only 3 and all, but there are no excuses and no crying in baseball.  If you used the energy you spent on your tantrum working on your defense, that ball would be sitting on your bedside table right now.  

Saturday, April 28, 2012

The Cross Stays! Don't Like It? Tough!

How About Some Civil Disobedience from the Right?

Apparently some atheist group has their wee-wee all warm over a cross in a fire department parking lot that has been there for 91 years.  It is a memorial to World War I veterans in Woonsocket, Rhode Island.  The Wisconsin-based Freedom From Religion Foundation-FFRF (pronounced firf) has written a letter to the mayor of Woonsocket, Leo Fontaine, demanding its removal. To mayor Fontaine's credit, he stated:  “I have no intention of removing the cross under any circumstances.”  

The problem is that the town of Woonsocket, like many other town's, is having financial difficulties and cannot afford to fight Firf in court.  I have a suggestion for Mayor Fontaine.  Civil disobedience.  I mean liberals are all about civil disobedience, right?  Obama, Pelosi, Holder, Ellen Barkin, et. al. are all for the OWS protesters camping, crapping, and disrupting people wherever the feel like it, so I'm sure that they would support a little town's fight to keep their 91 year old memorial.  Right?

Here is a letter of response I would write to Rebecca Market, senior staff attorney for Firf.  Mayor Fontaine is more than welcome to use the entire letter or any parts of it he wishes.  I would feel honored if he did.

Dear Ms. Market,
Thank you so much for your inquiry about our memorial honoring our fallen veterans of World War I.  We respectfully decline your request.  While we are glad the people of Wisconsin have taken interest in our town, we intend to decide on these matters for ourselves.  
Your dubious understanding of the establishment clause of the first amendment to the constitution aside, we discourage you from making this a legal matter. It would be a waste of time and money on your part.  We will not spend one dollar of town funds nor one minute of anyone's time addressing this matter in court.  It will make no difference.  We are neither moving or removing the memorial from where it currently resides.
Any attempt by outsiders to molest the memorial will be vehemently rebuffed.  I have authorized a permanent protest permit for the area immediately surrounding the memorial.  Local 2nd amendment protesters will be campaigning for a new concealed carry law.  They will be protesting 24 hours a day.  Current town law states that citizens are allowed to carry loaded firearms, but they must be prominently displayed.  Any attempt to disrupt this protest would be seriously ill-advised.
Thank you again for your inquiry.  I consider this matter concluded. I will make no further responses regarding this issue.
Mayor Leo Fontaine, Woonsocket, Rhode Island
As that I am not conversant in Rhode Island concealed carry laws, that part of the letter could require some editing, but I think it would make a good first draft.  I think Mayor Fontaine should tell Firf to stuff it.  The memorial stays and if it requires civil disobedience to keep it there, so be it.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Are You Fracking Kidding Me? EPA Terrorism

Obama's War on Domestic Oil and Gas Production

As my and The Crew's support for all causes environmental and all regulations federal is legendary, the title of today's post may come somewhat as a surprise.  Devoted readers may not know we are both charter members of the following organizations:

  • PETA - People for the Eating of Tasty Animals
  • Sierra Club - GMC Sierra 1 ton pickup truck owners group
  • WWF - The World Wrestling Federation
  • Greenpiece - The group promoting the camouflage of all weapons 
That being said, The Crew and I are completely dumbfounded that our Dear Leader and his legion of green-shirted thugs at the EPA would stoop to disingenuity, fabrication, intimidation, threats, and outright lies to increase federal control of private industry and forward his green agenda.

Senator Inhofe of Oklahoma spoke to these issues on the senate floor.  You can read the transcript of his wonderful speech here.  It is well worth reading in its entirety, but here are some of the highlights:
  • EPA official Al Armendariz explains his regulatory enforcement:   "I was in a meeting once and I gave an analogy to my staff about my philosophy of enforcement, and I think it was probably a little crude and maybe not appropriate for the meeting but I'll go ahead and tell you what I said.  It was kind of like how the Romans used to conquer little villages in the Mediterranean.  They'd go into a little Turkish town somewhere, they'd find the first five guys they saw and they would crucify them.  And then you know that town was really easy to manage for the next few years."
  • Since hydraulic fracturing or "fracking" began in 1949, there has not been one documented scientifically proven case of fracking causing groundwater or well contamination.
  • Cases in Wyoming, Texas, and Pennsylvania where the EPA issued "emergency orders" and made grandiose "revelations" to the media about fracking pollution before investigations were complete.  In all three cases, no contamination was found.  In all three cases, the orders were rescinded late on Friday evenings when congress was in recess.
  • In the Texas case, the EPA filed a complaint in federal district court to fine gas company Range Resources $16,500 per day per violation of the EPA orders.
  • These cases have held up, for two years, the development of the Marcellus Shale gas fields in Pennsylvania.  It is thought to be the third largest natural gas deposit in the world.
It is an election year and fuel prices are more than double what they were when our Dear Leader took office.  For political expediency, he is all for domestic oil and gas.  We just aren't allowed to remove it from the earth.

WAIT!!!! This just in from the Obama administration.  Our Dear Leader has developed a "green" method for extracting oil and gas from the earth.  It is pictured below:

Obama EPA approved oil extraction method...

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Barkeep! Hand Sanitizer, And Make It A Double!

Word is trickling out of the Peoples Republic of California that some local juvenile delinquents are showing up in emergency rooms with alcohol poisoning......from drinking hand sanitizer!  Apparently the stuff is about 60% ethyl alcohol, and the little miscreants are performing some alchemy to separate out the alcohol and get a 120 proof shot out of it.  Practicing the typical restraint of the callow teenager, a few GermX shots and it's off to the ER with stomach pains, nausea, and disorientation.

All of this sounds like just another Saturday night for the Crew, albeit circa 1983.  Of course back then it was Malt Duck and canned Country Time Lemonade spiked with vodka.  Hand sanitizer would probably have tasted better......but I digress.

Editor's note:  Historical information contained herein should not be construed as an endorsement of underage drinking, nor should it be repeated to anyone who might be the mother of the Crew

Crikey people! Think of the ramifications of this.....every school in the country has a bottle of hand sanitizer in each classroom, in the office, the cafeteria......  For Ralph Nader's sake, they might as well just plop a fifth of Jim Beam on the counter so the little darlings can throw back a belt between classes!  

Let the California liberal pantywaists get hold of this, and we will need a prescription for a bottle of the pungent gel.  My stock in soap companies.

Follow the further exploits of Sahib and the Crew on Twitter and Facebook!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Study Shows Half of New Grads are Morons

Nice piercings!  Can I hire you as CEO of my company?
A recent study shows that more than half of recent college graduates are certifiable morons. OK, that's not really what the study said, but it should have.  An article on refers to a 2011 Current Population study done by Northeastern University that states 53.6% of recent college graduates are jobless or "underemployed".  I submit that my evaluation of the situation is the more accurate one.

Exhibit A:  Michael Bledsoe (Pictured above)
"I don't even know what I'm looking for," says Michael Bledsoe, who described months of fruitless job searches as he served customers at a Seattle coffeehouse. The 23-year-old graduated in 2010 with a"....?
A.  Degree in Mechanical Engineering
B.  Degree in Computer Science
C.  Degree in Creative Writing
E.  Degree in Education  
If you answered anything but "C", you must have gotten your degree in Creative Writing just like Michael.  Not only did young master Bledsoe pick a worthless degree, but he augments his white collar employability  with his choice of body piercings.  (Is that an OWS protest sign I see in the background?)  Maybe he has a nice neck tattoo that might distract potential employers from his nose ring.

The problem is not the job market.  It's that so many morons are looking for jobs.
"Bledsoe, currently making just above minimum wage, says he got financial help from his parents to help pay off student loans. He is now mulling whether to go to graduate school, seeing few other options to advance his career. 'There is not much out there, it seems,' he said."
Oh goody!  Glad he saw the error of his ways.  His lack of an advanced degree in Creative Writing is what is holding him back from finding one of those six figure jobs right out of college.  His neck tattoo should read MORON.

Now I may have offended some people reading this by tossing around the word moron. (Definitely no devoted SACSTW readers, but maybe a stray lib or two who has stumbled onto our blog.)  If I have.... GOOD!  Guess what?  Michael Bledsoe's parents should get MORON neck tattoos as well.

This is what demoralizes me to my very soul.  Michael Bledsoe's parents never instilled an awareness of personal responsibility in him.  He honestly doesn't realize that his situation is the result of his POOR CHOICES.  It's a problem with the job market and evil corporations.  The university didn't provide him with the proper employment assistance. (Well, I guess they really didn't help by offering a Creative Writing degree to begin with.)  Millionaires refuse to pay their fair share in taxes.  And when all else fails, it was George W. Bush's fault.  It is inconceivable to him that he bears any blame for his plight.  A large portion of the blame for his blissful unawareness falls on his parents.  But not all of it.

At some point, people with bad or moronic parents need to take a stand and say, "My parents sucked, but I am responsible for what I do and how I behave."  They need to have that epiphanous moment where they realize, "Gee, majoring in Creative Writing was really stupid!" and "Wow, maybe if I lose the nose ring, employers might take me more seriously."

And the so-called "experts" are so much help:
Andrew Sum, director of the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University who analyzed the numbers, said many people with a bachelor's degree face a double whammy of rising tuition and poor job outcomes. "Simply put, we're failing kids coming out of college," he said, emphasizing that when it comes to jobs, a college major can make all the difference.
Well, Andrew got it half right.  When it comes to jobs, the college major makes all the difference.  He's wrong about "failing kids coming out of college".  We're failing them BEFORE they even start college.

Parents please, do not raise morons.  Teach your children to think critically.  Teach them poor choices have consequences. Otherwise, you could end up with your very own Michael Bledsoe.   Living in your basement.  Until he's 40.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew

  • President Obama kept up his assault on American unity last week by noting "I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth".  Nothing pleases Dear Leader like an opportunity to make one group of Americans angry at another.  It is quite sad to see a President whose only hopes of election rely on the division of the electorate, rather than its unification.  As to his silver spoon claim,  I suppose he is correct.  What he has had is the teat of the American taxpayer clamped firmly in his mouth for virtually all of his adult life.  Not only was he not born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he evidently wasn't born with a baseball in his hand either......

  • Newt Gingrich was recently bitten by a penguin.  No real comment on that one, I just had to write that sentence.  Read more here.

  • Look, I'm not saying that country music is a mere shadow of its former self. Actually that is exactly what I'm saying.  Exhibit A-   The #1 country album in the United States for the last two weeks is by ....Lionel Richie.  Anyone interested in seeing what real country music looks and sounds like, please click play.....

  • Finally, there's this.  Frankly, I hate to dump this story on SACSTW readers.  I had several choices for this space, but chose this one through the process of elimination.  The Maryland Midnight Dumper's reign of terror is over.  Kelly Ervin was recently arrested on charges that he has defecated in the yards and driveways of his neighborhood for years.  One of the victims in the vicious ass-ault was Robert Robinson.  Robinson, an ex-cop, had complained of someone leaving piles of feces and toilet paper in his yard 7 times in the last few months.  He installed a video surveillance camera and caught Ervin in the "act".  Ervin explained his prolific pooping by saying that during his early morning jog, he would always need to defecate at about the 2 mile mark.  What was he to doo?  Apparently, running 1 mile out and 1 mile back to his house didn't occur to him.  He just carried a wad of Angel Soft around, and left his calling card whenever the urge struck.  Ervin was charged with "littering or dumping under 100 pounds".  In a related story, 3 members of the local police department's evidence room staff have resigned.

Friday, April 20, 2012

First They Came for Barbie: Feminists Run Amok

Behold this travesty against women and young girls!

A few weeks ago I decried the death of the civil rights movement in my post, "When did I have a dream, become I have a hoodie?"  After some reflection, the civil rights movement is positively vibrant compared to the feminist movement.  

After successfully insisting on breast-reduction surgery for Barbie in the late '90, the feminists have turned their ire to Lego.  Yes devoted readers, you read that right.  Lego.  The Spark (Sexualization, Protest, Action, Resistance, Knowledge) movement has targeted the new Lego Friends as an evil that must not go unchallenged.  

"Ladyfigs are somewhat anatomically correct, which hypersexualizes girls, according to the group.  'They have little breasts and they have fancy hair,' the organization's executive director, Dana Edell, told 'And it just disturbs us that this is the image that they want girls to see.'"
So according to Ms. Edell, girls want to be flat-chested with drab hair?  Of course, her true agenda came through in her next quote.

"What it's doing is telling girls that this is what's important to you," Edell said of the beauty parlor and hot tub sets. "Girls aren't building space shuttles, they're getting their nails done."
Ahh, Bach!  (for M*A*S*H fans)  It's not that the little Lego girl has vaguely feminine features that has Ms. Edell's undergarments in a twist, it's that she has girly-stuff accessories.  I understand why situations like these confuse liberals in general and feminists specifically.  In the liberal Utopia, the masses are told what to buy, think, and feel by those who know what's best for them.  It would never occur to them to... maybe... just not buy Lego Friends?  Last time I checked, Lego security is not manning store toy departments and smacking Space Shuttle Lego kits out of little girls' hands.  I don't believe a Y chromosome check is required to purchase Harry Potter sets.

Hey!  I have a novel idea.  Lego exists to make money right?  So if people don't buy Lego Friends, they don't make as much money, right?  So just maybe, if enough people who agree with Ms. Edell don't buy Lego Friends, Lego will stop making them because they are not generating revenue.  Of course it is also possible that Ms. Edell and her merry maids are the lunatic fringe and Lego Friends may be wildly popular with little girls.  Why don't we let market forces decide?  That would, however; require allowing people the freedom to CHOOSE how they wish to spend their money.  And we all know how much liberals love that!

So this is what the feminist movement has devolved into, breast reductions for plastic dolls, dictating product line decisions to private companies, and demanding free birth control pills.  As with most liberal movements, the feminist movement has long ago confused the fight for equal opportunity with the demand of equal outcome. Susan B. Anthony would be so proud.  If she had a daughter, I'm sure she would look just like Sandra Fluke.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Happy Patriot's Day!

I know all these days of celebration can get confusing, what with Dear Leader issuing a Presidental Proclamation that 2 days ago was National Equal Pay Day, Dyngus Day was this month, National Talk Like A Pirate Day coming up in September, AARRGGHHH!  

Long-time readers know that I am a Founding Father aficionado.  We have talked about overlooked dates in our history before, read about Constitution Day here.  Today, April 19, is another such date.  It is known as Patriot's Day, not to be confused with the designation of September 11 as Patriot Day.  Patriot's Day marks the 237th anniversary of the Battles of Lexington and Concord, the initial engagements of the American Revolution.  

On April 19th, 1775, Emerson's "shot heard round the world" was fired at the Old North Bridge,   This was the first outbreak of open military conflict between Great Britain and the colonists.  It was the moment of conception for this great American experiment that President Obama is trying so hard to abort.  

The commander of the milita at Lexington, Captain John Parker, had this to say when British troops were sighted... "Don't fire unless fired upon, but if they want a war let it begin here".  And begin there it did.  

Imagine the fears, passions, and spirit  those revolutionaries carried in their souls during the long, bloody war for independence.  None of them asked to become Founding Fathers of a new nation.  They were "just" men of honor, achievement, and principle, who found themselves and their communities suffering intolerably from the oppression of a central government.  They came together, defeated the most powerful nation on the planet, and established a republic that became mankind's greatest hope.  

They knew what Edmund Burke knew...."All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing".  Instead of doing nothing, they acted, and the bell of freedom begin to ring.  

This Patriot is ashamed at what we have allowed our country to become.  I wonder how it all happened, but I bet Edmund Burke knows.  Mostly I wonder this.... When and where will the NEXT "shot heard round the world" be fired?

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Survey Shows Obama is in Deep Doo Doo!

Straits are looking dire!

The SACSTW polling service has unearthed something remarkable.  The latest SACSTW "Are you really crazy enough to vote for Obama AGAIN?" Poll has yielded some startling results.  100% of previous Obama voters polled said they could see no way in which they would vote for Obama again.

I can already hear the howls from the left:  "What sample size did you use?  Were your questions biased to generate desired responses?  From what group/s of people did you select your sample?"

Come on moonbat lefties, give us a little more credit than that.  We are the people that invented a time machine, invented the Wombinator, started the WHAMO! movement, unearthed the Karl Rove/OWS conspiracy, and have obtained Obama's personal letters to Karl Marx.  I think we can fairly conduct a simple poll, but we will address those questions:

The sample size was three, the sample was chosen from people I know, and I only asked one question.  "Are you really crazy enough to vote for Obama again?"  I can even hear rumblings from some of our devoted readers... "Going out on a limb a little bit.  Aren't you Sahib?"  Ordinarily, I would agree, but the demographics of the three people polled casts, what I believe to be, a dark pall over Obama's re-election chances.

Here's the demographic info:
Race:  Caucasian
Gender:  2 female, 1 male
Age group:  40-55
Economic class:  Upper-middle class
Geographic region:  Midwest
Political affiliation:  Democrat
Political philosophy:  Liberal

One could argue that a few white, upper-middle class people from the mid-west not voting for Obama does not necessarily foretell ominous tidings for Obama.  Even if they classify themselves as liberal Democrats.  It's when we start digging into the details of these people that things for Dear Leader really start to look bleak.

None of these people have voted for a Republican presidential candidate.  EVER.  In fact the male poll participant went so far as to say that he thought Jimmy Carter got a bad rap and was one of the best presidents we've had.  One of these are people voted for Jimmy Carter.  TWICE!  They all voted for Mondale, Dukakis, Gore, and Kerry.  Heck, if they were old enough, they probably would have all voted for McGovern.

These are the former Obama voters that our Dear Leader has lost.  I don't care how you want to spin it.  When you lose people like these as your supporters, you are in serious trouble. When a guy that claims Jimmy Carter was one of best president's ever says, "I just can't vote for him again.  As much as I hate to say it, I would vote for Newt Gingrich before I would vote for Obama again", things are potentially looking very bad for President Obama. (excuse me while a shed a little tear)

SACSTW Picture of the Day!

I think this about sums it up

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Indiana Parents Proven Able To See Into Future!

The scene is a Bloomington, IN bar.  A 24 year old woman on the dance floor accidentally bumps into a 30 year old woman.  The 30 year old woman, Ms. Silas, is pictured here.  Her cheerful countenance and orange outfit should be a clue that this scene ended badly.  Yep, Ms. Silas allegedly responded to being bumped by attempting to bash in the other woman's head with a bar glass.

Ms. Silas has been booked into the Monroe County jail on a Class C felony batter charge.  She appears to be quite an asset to society, having previously faced charges including forgery, theft, fraud, and disorderly conduct.

But wait Crew you say, what in the world does this story have to do with someone being able to see into the future?  Well, Nostradamus has nothing on Ms. Silas's momma.  She presciently named her little darling Fellony.  Fellony Silas.  Momma Silas should have stuck with her first choice of names for her little cherub..... Miss DeMeanor.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew

  • The older I get, the stronger my Libertarian leanings become.  To that end, I have grown increasingly more appreciative of John Stossel of the Fox News Channel.  The former ABC personality in a recent interview with the Heritage Foundation said he left ABC because "it sucked there".  Check out the video....

  • The Secret Service had a fun week in Colombia at the Summit of the Americas. At least 11 members of Dear Leader's Secret Service detail are being investigated for utilizing the services of some local prostitutes during their stay at the Hotel Caribe in Cartagena.  The scandal broke when one of the prostitutes refused to leave an agent's room because she hadn't been paid.  Look at the bright side, at least we know the American taxpayer is not the only one getting the shaft from the Obama administration.
  • Look, I am not saying that high schools are becoming bloated governmental institutions out of touch with their students, but then this story from England caught my eye.  On March 16, Megan Gillan's parents received a letter from their daughter's school.  The letter expressed concern about Megan's poor attendance, and cautioned the Gillans that Megan would not be able to attend her prom if her attendance didn't improve.  Megan Gillan died on January 19.  Read more at the Manchester Evening News.
  • More interesting tidbits from across the pond.....The UK National Army Museum recently held a vote to determine Britain's greatest ever military opponent.  The five finalists included Napoleon Bonaparte, Erwin Rommel, Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, Michael Collins, and the winner George Washington.  Hmmm, remember George didn't even make Dear Leader's top 4 US presidents.  
  • Lady Gaga got a little grief last week for allegedly promoting unhealthy eating habits and body image to her 23 million Twitter followers.  Patrick Wanis, an expert in human behavior, was quoted as saying "....her tweets reveal that she is possible insincere and will simply do anything to get attention".  Please Patrick, tell me it isn't so.  I have seen no evidence that Lady Gaga has any interest in getting attention......

Friday, April 13, 2012

PLEASE! Save the Children! Buy a Wombinator!

Thudguard Brainbucket I

Raising Mush-Brained Wusses: Redux

The world is a big scary place!  Children should be protected from all environmental hazards as well as from themselves.  

We thought there was a company out there that realizes that 42 point harness safety seats, outlet covers, child gates, corner bumpers, drawer locks, cabinet locks, oven locks, and refrigerator locks are NOT enough to keep our cherubic spawn safe.

We thought we had a savior. Paladin of child safety, Thudguard (yes, Thudguard), now brings us the Thudguard Baby Protective Safety Helmet.

But when we read the reviews for the Brainbucket I, our hopes were dashed.  This was what we learned (actual review from Amazon):

"Unfortunately, this helmet only protects the top and sides of the head. The face isn't properly shielded. We've tried incorporating a visor made of high-impact polycarbonate (available for industrial workers in various sizes) but the straps of the visor interfere with the helmet itself. Swim goggles are easier to incorporate, but leave the nose and mouth exposed. (The smallest-size motorcycle helmets are still too large and too heavy. We've tried them.) The rest of the child's body is also a problem. I know this helmet isn't trying to address this, but it's worth noting that this is only one part of a full protection approach. Our system of pillows, towels and duct tape works pretty well, but is too warm in hot weather. I'd love to see a full-body suit that breathes."
The Crew and I immediately understood the issues that the reviewer raised.  Who knows when your little darling might crawl across the plate at a major league baseball game just as the pitcher is ready to uncork a 95 MPH fastball?  Or maybe one of your older children brings home the new Ebola virus strain they developed in biology class and accidentally drops the Petri dish in your baby's crib.   Let not your hearts be troubled dear readers!  SACSTW engineers are on the job.

Sahib and The Crew are proud to announce the SACSTW Wombinator I.  The Wombinator I is a bullet-proof, air-tight, Lucite box.  The Wombinator I is aerodynamically designed to withstand a Category 3 hurricane or an F4 tornado.  It's amphibious too!  The box is mounted on ultra-slow-moving tank tracks similar to those used to move the space shuttle to the launch pad.  On top of the box is a state-of-the-art, CDC approved, Level 5 Bio-hazard air-filtration system.  But WAIT, you might say... "what if my little angel rams his fragile noggin against the sides of the box? My infant might be capable of generating crawling speeds up to 1 MPH in the box." The SACSTW R&D department is way ahead of you.  The air-handling system also provides a pressurized buffer of air to prevent your child from contacting the sides of the box thus eliminating the possibility of nasty head-on collisions.  The pressurized buffer also acts as the steering mechanism.  As your infant contacts the buffer, the box moves in that direction.  Below is a picture of the Wombinator I. 

 SACSTW Wombinator I

And soon to be released by SACSTW Labs, the Wombinator Mark V Family edition.  Built to accommodate a family of six, the Wombinator Mark V will come with 30 mm cannon gun mounts** and optional radiation blast shielding.

For those of you who don't really LOVE your children, I guess you could go with the Thudguard products.  In addition to the Brainbucket I for you avant-garde interior decorators out there who have broken glass floor coverings, Thudguard also offers baby knee pads.

The important thing for all parents to remember is that we need to teach our children that they are NOT responsible for their own bad decisions.  Their problems and failures are ALWAYS someone else's fault.

Have a great weekend everyone!

** 30 mm cannons sold separately.  Purchase requests should be submitted to Eric Holder at the Department of Justice.  Make sure the shipping address is labeled "in care of" the Cali cartel.

Secret Video of North Korean Missile Launch Released!

Lachrymosity Level Notification System
Uh oh folks, looks like the North Korean National Lachrymosity Level  has been raised to Lugubrious after this week's botched launch of the nation's latest "long-range" missile.  Despite Dear Leader 3's protestations that the launch was simply to put a communications satellite into orbit, SACSTW knows better.  The tiny tinpot was actually test firing a long range missile that could be used to deliver a nuclear warhead.

SACSTW operatives have just sent raw video footage of the launch to headquarters, take a look for yourselves......

Evidently the Pacific Rim is safe from North Korean nuclear missile attack for a little longer.  Meanwhile, the people of North Korea continue to starve.  Well done Kim3.

Note:  For more information on the North Korean National Lachrymosity Level system, please read Sahib's excellent treatise on the topic here.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Cavernous Trachea Returns! Obama Letter to Karl Marx

The Crew spent a relaxing weekend in the SACSTW secret Ozark compound.  As he opened his tackle box to do a little early morning fishing, he found a now-familiar envelope with a note attached.  The note said, "I hope you enjoy BHO's latest epistle to his role-model and hero, Karl Marx.  Dear Leader seems a little frazzled. Your friend, CT."  He transmitted the text to me through the SACSTW satellite up-link.  I hope you enjoy it as much as we did:
Dear Karl,
I'm at my wits end!  It's not my fault.  What's with the gag-order from above?  I'm just following the Saul Alinsky play-book as closely as I can.  I mean why are George and Warren insisting that I quit speaking in public?  They want to see more Joe Biden?  I realize they see him as assassination insurance.  Holder put it best when he said, "Joe Biden can stop a bullet from leaving the barrel of a gun just by opening his mouth.  Joe's lunacy is more protection than three inches of Kevlar."  But why do they want me to stop speaking from the heart?  There's no way that Mittens can beat me.  
America NEEDS me to sympathize with them.  Americans don't want freedom. They want protection.  They don't want liberty.  They want comfort.  They don't want sacrifice. They want fairness.  I am just providing avenues by my words and deeds to give them what they want.
So what if I called to commiserate with Sandra Fluke but not Bridget Palin?  Who cares that I said my beloved fictitious son looks just like Trayvon Martin and ignored my other fictitious sons when they set fire to a young boy in KCMO.  (Heh, pulled some strings and you can't even find the story on the Kansas City Star's website anymore.)  What difference does it make if I tell the Supreme Court to back off and keep its mitts off my healthcare power grab?  People want me to take care of them.
Like I told my old buddy Meddy, once I've finished off Mittens this fall, I'll have more "flexibility".  That was pretty smooth of me.  A couple more like-minded justices and I won't have to worry about that pesky "constitution" interfering with my plans to fundamentally transform America.
Hey!  There's Stanley, my unicorn, here for our evening ride on the south lawn.  He shows up now even without those wonderful shots they used to give me.  They do insist that I eat my pudding however...  Oh well Karl, thanks for listening.  Gotta fly!
Your undying fan,

Just like in Sahib Jr.'s backpack, The Crew found gum drops next to the letter in his tackle box.  Hmmm....

Monday, April 9, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew

Fresh off a weekend of seclusion at the SACSTW Ozark hideaway, I have emerged to bring you yet another edition of Monday Musings.

  • From the "We Didn't Really Think This Through" Department:  Animal rights activists from Showing Animals Respect and Kindness (SHARK) planned to document a South Carolina pigeon shoot by filming it from a remotely controlled micro helicopter.  Hmmm, harassing hunters with a small flying object.  When participants in the pigeon shoot heard about the plans, the event quickly morphed into a "micro-helicopter shoot".  Shortly after SHARK launched their drone, it was blasted out of the sky by numerous shotgun rounds.  By the way, is SHARK really the best acronym for a group concerned about treating animals with respect and kindness?

  • More fun animal news....   Remember the spotted owl?  It was the original darling of the enviro-animal rights-down with industry whack jobs back in the 80's.  The Obama administration has developed a new  plan to save the spotted killing all the other owls.  It seems that more aggressive barred owls are displacing their spotted cousins from their preferred environment.  The feds have decided to gun down barred owls over the next few years in another attempt to save the spotted owl.  It seems that (with apologies to Mr. Orwell) all owls are equal, but some owls are more equal than others.  
Spotted Owl Gooood
Barred Owl... Baaaaadddd

  • A quick report on the Crew's congressman, the odious Emanuel Cleaver.  The former Kansas City mayor turned U.S. Congressman (and chairman of the Congressional Black Caucus by the way) is being sued by Bank of America for defaulting on a 1.5 million dollar loan on a carwash business in the Kansas City area.  Just another notch in Manny's long history of questionable financial dealings.  The kicker here is that you and I are on the hook for the bill.  The carwash loan has an SBA guarantee, meaning the US taxpayer will foot 75% of the bill.  Shockingly, the congressman has had no comment on the issue.

  • To continue the animal theme today (hey, I just spent the weekend out in the woods), have you heard that Alicia Silverstone is supplementing her fading movie career by opening a daycare operation in her home?  SACSTW has obtained video of lunchtime........

That's all the fun and frivolity for this morning....please remember to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.  Keep the comments coming!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Gay Pride Flag at US Base: BIG Obama Conundrum!

Gay pride flag purportedly at US base in Afghanistan
Talk about being on the horns of a dilemma!  What are our Dear Leader and his minions of insufficient light to do?

As reported on The Blaze and other news outlets, a gay pride flag has purportedly been flown at a US base located in Afghanistan.  While many different groups will certainly have opinions (some very fervent) about this, it presents a real conundrum for the president and his lefty pals.

On one hand, the Afghan people, known for their tolerant and inclusive nature (particularly towards homosexuals), could be slightly offended.  And by slightly offended, I mean only 10 to 20 Americans murdered and less than $10 million in damage from the resulting protests/riots.

On the other hand, the GLBT lobby is one of the victim class darlings of the left.  If the president makes too big a stink about this, he might lose some unicorn sprinkle points.

Rather a sticky wicket for the Prez.  How can he shamelessly grovel to our enemies in Afghanistan while pandering to the left's strategy of dividing us by creating and exploiting victim classes?  I think I'll make some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the show.

Hollywood HOs: Keith Olbermann

Congratulations Hollywood HOS winner Keith Olbermann!

I know Keith Olbermann winning this week's Hollywood HOs (Hollywood Hall of Shame) award is a bit of a stretch.  Not that he isn't deserving, but it is a bit of a stretch that he is part of Hollywood. Ostensibly, he is (or was) a news person.  That being said, Keith hasn't been anything but a left-wing shill for quite some time, so we'll lump him in with the rest of the moonbat liberal entertainment industry.

Last week, Keith Olbermann was fired from Current TV.  The Current TV network is the brain-child of save-the-world-by-lining-my-pockets-with-green evangelist Al Gore.  It is breathtaking to imagine how insufferable Keith Olbermann must be to get fired by a group of people whose ideology and moral compass he shares.  He IS the Billy Martin of broadcasting.

Keith, here's a saying that you might want to consider:  If one person says you're an ass, you may or may not be an ass.  If everyone says you're an ass, it's time to take a hard look in the mirror.

Treating people like garbage will always cost you.  Talent will only get you so far.  Talent, hard work, and treating people with kindness and respect will perpetuate success.  Even if personal warmth and interaction do not penetrate the BB that is your heart, I would think that someone with your "massive" intellect would realize that treating people well is an excellent means to an end.

Of course Keith, you are so brilliant that nothing you have ever done, said, or thought can possibly be wrong.  Good luck in your next gig!  I hear there's a public access channel in Missoula, Montana looking for talent.

Have a wonderful Easter weekend everyone!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Sahib and The Crew Launch New Business Venture: Feminsurance

Feminsurance TM. 

Because heartless conservative men refuse to allow the government to force insurance companies to completely pay for your birth control!

Today, Sahib and The Crew in coordination with the WHAMO! (White Heterosexual American Males Only!) movement are branching into the health insurance business.  Let it never be said that Sahib and The Crew do not have our sisters in the leftist feminist movement at heart.  As it becomes apparent that SCOTUS is likely to scuttle Obamacare as unconstitutional, we have decided to jump into the breach to meet the feminist needs.

Today, we are proud to announce...... Feminsurance TM.
  • Are you tired of having to pay anything for birth control pills?  
  •  Are you fed up with your insurance premiums being wasted on circumcisions, prostate exams, testicular cancer treatments, and erectile dysfunction medicines for men only?
  •  Would you like to see chocolate prescriptions designated as a medical necessity? 
  • Would you like to see fertility treatments covered for single women and women partners only? 
If your answer to any of these questions is 'YES',  sign up for Feminsurance TM. today! SACSTW operators are standing by.

But WAIT!  There's more!  We excited to announce that SACSTW and WHAMO! are in negotiations with none other than women's reproductive rights champion, Sandra Fluke, to be our spokesperson for Feminsurance TM.  We will keep you abreast of the negotiations.

Devoted SACSTW readers and charter WHAMO! members, please join us in this effort to meet the plight of our sisters on the left.  Because really, who should have to pay $9 a month for birth control pills?

Monday, April 2, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew

This morning I am giving serious thought to the sorry state of education in the United States, as evidenced by Barack Hussein Obama.  Seriously folks, let's take a quick look at Dear Leader's class schedule, and see if he can pass any of the basics.....

  • ENGLISH 101-  Also known as "Words Mean Things" class.  In last week's video address to the nation, Dear Leader continued his assault on "Big Oil" and the English language by averring that oil companies continue to get "4 billion of your tax dollars in subsidies every year".  Well Barry, you're going to have retake the vocabulary unit of this course.  A subsidy is defined as "a sum of money paid directly from government to a private industrial undertaking, charitable organization, or the like".  Repeat after me class, OIL COMPANIES ARE NOT RECEIVING 4 BILLION DOLLARS IN SUBSIDY PAYMENTS FROM THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT!  They ARE benefiting from business tax deductions that were they taken away would increase oil companies tax burden by about 4 billion.                        
          • F
  • REMEDIAL ECONOMICS-  So, Barack Obama's idea on how to lower your gas price at the pump is to increase the tax burden on oil companies by 4 billion dollars.  Raise your hand if you think that Dear Leader has this one exactly backwards....
          • F


Most Obama sources agree that Barack Sr. was born in June of 1936.  Somehow he managed to serve in World War 2, even though it ended when he was 9 years old.  Hmmmm.  He must have been part of the vaunted Kenyan Kiddie Korps that helped sweep Rommel from the continent.  

Come to think of it, let's give Barry another F for math class with this one.

  • Health Class...................


One final multiple choice question class.......Based on what we have learned from Barack Obama's report card, choose the one that best applies

A:  Barack Hussein Obama is an uneducated twit, unable to grasp even the most basic concepts.
B:  Barack Hussein Obama is simply a mouthpiece for the progressive left.
C:  Barack Hussein Obama is a pathological liar, rife with contempt for you, the American taxpayer.
D:  All of the above.

Remember...please like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter @sahibandcrew to join in the fun!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Obama Can KISS Off !

Saw an interesting video interview of KISS frontman Gene Simmon's views on Dear Leader and his policy toward Israel.....

I agree with almost everything the King of Lingual Length says in this video, right up to when he says "President Obama means well, I think he is actually a good guy.....".  

Please SACSTW readers....lean in close to the monitor.  Free your mind of all the puff pieces the mainstream media has done on George and Weezy Obama.  Prepare yourself to think clearly, and accept this truth...

Barack Obama is a bad guy who wants to destroy the underpinnings of freedom that have made America the greatest country in the world, and wants you, your children, and your grandchildren to live in perpetual servitude to the federal government!

This insistence by many who oppose Obama that he is a "good guy" who just has bad ideas is going to come around and bite us in November.  In the immortal words of Earl Pitts.... Wake Up America!