Obama Letter to Karl Marx: Cavernous Trachea is Back!

Tonight after Sahib Jr. Jr.'s baseball game, I picked up his bat bag to put his mitt away.  In the bottom I found the now familiar envelope with a note attached.  It said:  "Things are getting tense in the White House. Obama is starting to lose it. Here's his latest letter to Karl M.  Your friend, CT".  This was the letter:

Dear Karl,

Where to begin?  Who can blame me for going after Joe this time?  I mean who hasn't, in a fit of anger, at least once grabbed a rocket launcher from a Secret Service agent and taken a shot at their bane of existence?  I'm having to dictate this letter to my faithful unicorn, Stanley, because they've tucked me into bed kind of tight.  The doctors said something about not untucking me until I read some new Marvel comic.  I think they said it was about Thor.  Kind of a catchy title.  They called it a Thorazine.  

I just don't know what has happened.  My life has gone in the crapper faster than a Kim Kardashian marriage. One minute all the Republican candidates are beating on each other like British soccer hooligans after a loss to France, and the next I'm trailing Mitt Romney in the polls by three points!  

Things were looking so good.  My dear fictitious children, Sandra Fluke and Trayvon Martin, were providing me great press opportunities and deflecting the attention of the proletariat masses from the crippling debt, massive unemployment, and horrible economy with which I have gifted the country.  I was being celebrated for the one year anniversary of my killing of Osama Bin Laden.  And I had just about convinced everyone that the Buffet Rule would correct the rich not paying their "fair share".  Now look what's happened.  Has anyone ever has as bad as luck as me?  (I think it's a Rush Limbaugh plot!)

• The unedited photos of George Zimmerman leaked out showing the gashes on the back of his head. 

• The right-wing media found out that Sandra Fluke really wasn't a doe-eyed 24 year old co-ed, but a 30 year old feminist activist. 

• Charlie Sheen took my Secret Service agents out for a night on the town in Columbia. 

• Eric Holder is getting reamed in the congressional hearings over Fast and Furious. 

• The American public seems to think that Seal Team 6 was responsible for Osama Bin Laden's demise and not me. 

•  Some moron left the mike on when I was visiting with my good buddy Dmitry Medvedev about how "flexible" I can be after next year's election.

• Village idiot Joe Biden can't wait for the convention to unveil my support of gay marriage.

• People have figured out that we're fudging the numbers on unemployment and it's really not going down.

• Someone noticed my creative editing of the official White House presidential biographies  where I've added my fantastic accomplishment to every president's bio since Calvin Coolidge. (Ford doesn't count since he was never actually elected.)

Why is everyone conspiring against me?  I just can't be a one term president.  Maybe I can start another war.  It worked for Bush.  Oh well, I better go.  Those pretty colors swirling around the ceiling are too much fun to ignore.  Thanks for being there for me Karl!

Your friend,

Barry

As usual, I checked the surrounding area for clues as to Cavernous Trachea's identity.  I did find one strange thing.  Hoof-prints near the dugout.  Hmmmm.....

Cavernous Trachea Returns! Obama Letter to Karl Marx

The Crew spent a relaxing weekend in the SACSTW secret Ozark compound.  As he opened his tackle box to do a little early morning fishing, he found a now-familiar envelope with a note attached.  The note said, "I hope you enjoy BHO's latest epistle to his role-model and hero, Karl Marx.  Dear Leader seems a little frazzled. Your friend, CT."  He transmitted the text to me through the SACSTW satellite up-link.  I hope you enjoy it as much as we did:

Dear Karl,

I'm at my wits end!  It's not my fault.  What's with the gag-order from above?  I'm just following the Saul Alinsky play-book as closely as I can.  I mean why are George and Warren insisting that I quit speaking in public?  They want to see more Joe Biden?  I realize they see him as assassination insurance.  Holder put it best when he said, "Joe Biden can stop a bullet from leaving the barrel of a gun just by opening his mouth.  Joe's lunacy is more protection than three inches of Kevlar."  But why do they want me to stop speaking from the heart?  There's no way that Mittens can beat me.  

America NEEDS me to sympathize with them.  Americans don't want freedom. They want protection.  They don't want liberty.  They want comfort.  They don't want sacrifice. They want fairness.  I am just providing avenues by my words and deeds to give them what they want.

So what if I called to commiserate with Sandra Fluke but not Bridget Palin?  Who cares that I said my beloved fictitious son looks just like Trayvon Martin and ignored my other fictitious sons when they set fire to a young boy in KCMO.  (Heh, pulled some strings and you can't even find the story on the Kansas City Star's website anymore.)  What difference does it make if I tell the Supreme Court to back off and keep its mitts off my healthcare power grab?  People want me to take care of them.

Like I told my old buddy Meddy, once I've finished off Mittens this fall, I'll have more "flexibility".  That was pretty smooth of me.  A couple more like-minded justices and I won't have to worry about that pesky "constitution" interfering with my plans to fundamentally transform America.

Hey!  There's Stanley, my unicorn, here for our evening ride on the south lawn.  He shows up now even without those wonderful shots they used to give me.  They do insist that I eat my pudding however...  Oh well Karl, thanks for listening.  Gotta fly!

Your undying fan,

Barry 

Just like in Sahib Jr.'s backpack, The Crew found gum drops next to the letter in his tackle box.  Hmmm....

Sahib and The Crew Launch New Business Venture: Feminsurance

Feminsurance TM. 

Because heartless conservative men refuse to allow the government to force insurance companies to completely pay for your birth control!

Today, Sahib and The Crew in coordination with the WHAMO! (White Heterosexual American Males Only!) movement are branching into the health insurance business.  Let it never be said that Sahib and The Crew do not have our sisters in the leftist feminist movement at heart.  As it becomes apparent that SCOTUS is likely to scuttle Obamacare as unconstitutional, we have decided to jump into the breach to meet the feminist needs.

Today, we are proud to announce...... Feminsurance TM.

• Are you tired of having to pay anything for birth control pills?  

•  Are you fed up with your insurance premiums being wasted on circumcisions, prostate exams, testicular cancer treatments, and erectile dysfunction medicines for men only?
•  Would you like to see chocolate prescriptions designated as a medical necessity? 
• Would you like to see fertility treatments covered for single women and women partners only? 

If your answer to any of these questions is 'YES',  sign up for Feminsurance TM. today! SACSTW operators are standing by.

But WAIT!  There's more!  We excited to announce that SACSTW and WHAMO! are in negotiations with none other than women's reproductive rights champion, Sandra Fluke, to be our spokesperson for Feminsurance TM.  We will keep you abreast of the negotiations.

Devoted SACSTW readers and charter WHAMO! members, please join us in this effort to meet the plight of our sisters on the left.  Because really, who should have to pay $9 a month for birth control pills?

Cavernous Trachea Strikes Again! Obama Letter to Karl Marx

Just when The Crew and I had thought we had heard the last of Cavernous Trachea, it happened again.  I was pulling the daily school planner out of Sahib Jr.'s backpack and I found an envelope addressed to SACSTW.  In the envelope was a letter with a post-it-note on it.  The post-it-note said, "Hello gentlemen!  Here is the latest missive from Dear Leader Obama to his hero and inspiration, Karl Marx.  Enjoy! Your friend, CT "  This was the letter enclosed:

Dear Karl,

I don't care what anyone says!  I did NOT have another "episode".  Maybe my celebration was a little excessive, but once again my actions were misinterpreted.  I probably shouldn't have done my Yosemite Sam imitation, snatched that Secret Service agent's gun out of his holster, and started shooting holes into the ceiling of the Oval Office, but I was just so darn excited.  Things are really starting to come together.  

Joe hasn't said anything incredibly stupid in the last 24 hours. (I wonder if he's in the country.) Moochelle is planning another vacation and is going to be on Leno so she hasn't been nagging me about smoking.  The republicans are beating the crap out of each other in the primaries.  Breitbart's death has delayed the release of his "Obama Gone Wild" video series at least for a while.  Life is good!  But you know what Karl?  That's not what really has me revved up.  I have accomplished two things I thought would never happen in my presidency. 

My two biggest enemies, Rush Limbaugh and Benjamin Netanyahu, have really screwed the pooch.  I think I've really snowed Bibi about Iran.  I think I've lulled him into complacency by repeating "Give negotiations a chance! Give sanctions a chance!" over and over again.  I never thought he would buy it, but I believe he has.  He has to keep the rhetoric up to assuage his constituency, but I think I can stall him long enough that Iran will have nukes before Israel feels they have to preemptively strike.  I am SO smart.  But he's just the little Satan.  I've scored my biggest victory against the Great Satan, Rush Limbaugh.

I can't believe Rush fell for DNC plant, "23" year old Sandra Fluke.  I mean it was SOOOO obvious.  She's a Cornell graduate for Pete's sake, and that's where I "went" to college. (Hee, hee, hee) Wait, no, I "went" to Columbia.  Oh well, whatever.  She was perfect with her "cherished" friend who lost her ovary due to the pernicious policies of the Georgetown administration.  I can't believe no one thought to ask why such a champion of female contraceptive rights wouldn't chip in a few bucks a month to help a "cherished" friend in dire medical straights. Or why didn't her anonymous friend go to Planned Parenthood or any of the multiple free clinics in DC?  Stupid conservatives.  And then Rush takes the bait hook, line, and sinker by calling her a slut and prostitute.  I couldn't get the talking points off the Media Matters fast enough.  Five dollar a gallon gas, trafficking guns to Mexican drug cartels, the Volt going belly up, more "green" energy companies propped up by federal loans failing, who cares?  Rush obliquely called someone a slut.  This has been the best week ever.

Well Karl, I have to go.  The doctors won't give me any more of those B12 shots that make me feel so good.  Eric Holder has to sneak them to me down in the kitchen.  If I don't take them, my unicorn, Stanley, doesn't show up for our evening rides on the South Lawn.  Thanks for letting me share my awesome news with you.

Your friend, 

Barry

 I dug through Sahib Jr.'s backpack looking for more clues as to the identity of Cavernous Trachea.  All I found were some gumdrops in the bottom of his backpack.  Sahib Jr. hates gumdrops.  Hmmmmm....