Monday Musings With The Crew

• In August of 1974, a Republican president resigned his office after his complicity in the Watergate affair surfaced.  As is the case with many transgressions, the cover-up was worse than the crime (just like your momma has told you all these years).  The President had ordered high-ranking members of his administration to lie to the American public about the break-in, and proceeded to do the same himself.  Exactly 0 people died as part of the Watergate affair.  In the past 3 weeks, Barack Obama has ordered high ranking administration members (SecState, UN Ambassador, etc) to lie to the American public about the murder of 4 Americans, including a U.S. Ambassador.  Obama has then proceeded to repeat those same lies to the American public himself.  At least Nixon had the courage to do what was best for the country by resigning.  

      

• Watching Obama 2012 downplay expectations for Wednesday's presidential debate has been quite smirkworthy.  The best part was David Axelrod batting his sad puppy dog eyes at the media while lamenting Obama's lack of time for debate prep.  He's just been too busy "governing the country" according to Axelrod.  Unless blowing off heads of state and hanging with Mr. and Mrs. Knowles is "governing the country", I beg to differ Dave.  But hey, it was a funny line.....
• late update-  John Kerry joined the Obama sympathy club over the weekend, sniffing that it's just not fair that Barry can't properly prepare for the debate, after all "he's got a day job".  

• Remember Amanda Clayton?  She was the Michigan woman who gained notoriety earlier this year after it was discovered she was receiving food stamps despite having won over $700,000 in the lottery.  Sahib covered her story brilliantly here.   I can hear you now, um...Crew...why are you referring to Ms. Clayton in the past tense?  The answer is....because she was found dead of a drug overdose in a Detroit house over the weekend.  I will not revel in the death of Ms. Clayton, I will only comment that karma is in fact a bitch.

• Speaking of trips down memory lane, one gas station owner did just that recently.....  Actually the day Obama took office gas was $1.67 at my neighborhood station.

• Weapons obtained from Holder Arms and Ammo (aka the U.S. Justice Department) have been linked to a 2010 massacre of 16 people in Juarez, Mexico.  Many of the victims were teenagers attending a birthday party.  Speaking of resigning from office......are you listening Mr. Attorney General?  Read more here.

Do you really want to know?

• Chinese cuisine is was one of my favorites.  That is until I read about the Red Flower Chinese Restaurant in Williamsburg, KY.  The restaurant has been cited for serving road-kill after a customer observed employees wheeling a mangled deer into the kitchen.  The owner's son has admitted to picking up the deer along I-75 outside of town.  The owners claimed they "didn't know we couldn't do that".  Ugh. Maybe the health department should have been concerned about the Red Flower's menu, featuring General Tire's Chicken, Moo Shu Possum, and Crab Raccoon.  

Edict from the Soda Nazi: No Big Gulp for You!

Ministry of Plenty
Department of Healthy Food Initiatives

EDICT----EDICT----EDICT----EDICT

Press release - MOPDOHFI - 31 May 2012

The Ministry of Plenty Department of Healthy Food Initiatives has decreed that the people of New York City are TOO FAT!  The Baron of New York, Michael Bloomberg, is tired of watching the gelatinous masses walk past the windows of his ivory tower.  Effective immediately, all sugary drinks exceeding 16 ounces are expressly VERBOTTEN!

The Baron has stated that since the proles... errr... people are too stupid to make the correct decisions concerning their dietary habits, he will mandate healthy habits for them.   He echoed earlier sentiments of Food Czar Sam Kass (formerly titled Sandwich Nazi, but they ran into copyright issues with Seinfeld), "The government must ensure that every little girl drinks, by force if necessary, beverages we deem to be nutritious regardless of parental wishes.  It is crucial that every little girl grows up healthy so that she can make the correct decision later in life to abort unwanted children because it is not the government's role to tell women what they should do with their bodies."

Failure to comply with this edict will result in $200 fines, compulsory invitation to one of Minister Holder's reeducation camps, and/or in extreme cases, season tickets to the New Jersey Nets.  The Baron also hinted at future edicts banning tobacco, alcohol, foods that fail to meet Muslim Halal standards, extreme sports, and  the viewing of Fox News.  As it is written, so mote it be.


Reminder:  We have always been at war with Eurasia


You can view the article that prompted this edict here.

Obama Letter to Karl Marx: Cavernous Trachea is Back!

Tonight after Sahib Jr. Jr.'s baseball game, I picked up his bat bag to put his mitt away.  In the bottom I found the now familiar envelope with a note attached.  It said:  "Things are getting tense in the White House. Obama is starting to lose it. Here's his latest letter to Karl M.  Your friend, CT".  This was the letter:

Dear Karl,

Where to begin?  Who can blame me for going after Joe this time?  I mean who hasn't, in a fit of anger, at least once grabbed a rocket launcher from a Secret Service agent and taken a shot at their bane of existence?  I'm having to dictate this letter to my faithful unicorn, Stanley, because they've tucked me into bed kind of tight.  The doctors said something about not untucking me until I read some new Marvel comic.  I think they said it was about Thor.  Kind of a catchy title.  They called it a Thorazine.  

I just don't know what has happened.  My life has gone in the crapper faster than a Kim Kardashian marriage. One minute all the Republican candidates are beating on each other like British soccer hooligans after a loss to France, and the next I'm trailing Mitt Romney in the polls by three points!  

Things were looking so good.  My dear fictitious children, Sandra Fluke and Trayvon Martin, were providing me great press opportunities and deflecting the attention of the proletariat masses from the crippling debt, massive unemployment, and horrible economy with which I have gifted the country.  I was being celebrated for the one year anniversary of my killing of Osama Bin Laden.  And I had just about convinced everyone that the Buffet Rule would correct the rich not paying their "fair share".  Now look what's happened.  Has anyone ever has as bad as luck as me?  (I think it's a Rush Limbaugh plot!)

• The unedited photos of George Zimmerman leaked out showing the gashes on the back of his head. 

• The right-wing media found out that Sandra Fluke really wasn't a doe-eyed 24 year old co-ed, but a 30 year old feminist activist. 

• Charlie Sheen took my Secret Service agents out for a night on the town in Columbia. 

• Eric Holder is getting reamed in the congressional hearings over Fast and Furious. 

• The American public seems to think that Seal Team 6 was responsible for Osama Bin Laden's demise and not me. 

•  Some moron left the mike on when I was visiting with my good buddy Dmitry Medvedev about how "flexible" I can be after next year's election.

• Village idiot Joe Biden can't wait for the convention to unveil my support of gay marriage.

• People have figured out that we're fudging the numbers on unemployment and it's really not going down.

• Someone noticed my creative editing of the official White House presidential biographies  where I've added my fantastic accomplishment to every president's bio since Calvin Coolidge. (Ford doesn't count since he was never actually elected.)

Why is everyone conspiring against me?  I just can't be a one term president.  Maybe I can start another war.  It worked for Bush.  Oh well, I better go.  Those pretty colors swirling around the ceiling are too much fun to ignore.  Thanks for being there for me Karl!

Your friend,

Barry

As usual, I checked the surrounding area for clues as to Cavernous Trachea's identity.  I did find one strange thing.  Hoof-prints near the dugout.  Hmmmm.....

Monday Musings With The Crew

• The Crew humbly submits Cee Lo Green for this week's Hollywood HoS award.  The hip hop "star" and judge on NBC's The Voice made an appearance at a fundraiser for Dear Leader in Atlanta on Friday.  In the spirit of civil discourse and respect for the office of the President, Green gave a middle finger salute and dropped several f-bombs while "singing" at the podium.  By the way, is it just me or does Mr. Green sing like he needs to buy bigger underwear?  Here's the video:

• A very interesting video of Attorney General Eric Holder surfaced at Breitbart.com over the weekend.  From January 1995, the video shows then U.S. Attorney Holder talking about the need for an anti-gun advertising campaign in Washington D.C.   While most of what he says is typical liberal folderol, there are a couple of interesting moments.  The first occurs at the 2:30 mark, when Holder talks about needing influential people like "Jesse Jackson and Marion Barry" to get involved.  This was AFTER Barry had appeared in his own fun little "how-to" video about smoking crack, AND done a stretch in a federal penitentiary.  The second happens at 3:10 of the video, when Holder says  we must "brainwash people into thinking about guns in a vastly different way".  Hmmm.  I for one am glad that most people don't think about guns the way the Attorney General does, or we'd all be selling them to Mexican drugrunners.  Take a look for yourself:

I also found this great photo of the beginnings of AG Holder's career in law enforcement..............

• Memphis Police Officer Dion Anthony is under investigation for allegedly having sex in his squad car while on-duty. In addition, the acts taking place in the squad car were broadcast over Anthony's department microphone, and could be heard by anyone with a police scanner.  Sergeant Karen Rudolph told a local TV station that "in this instance it's possible he didn't follow proper procedure".  The Crew wonders exactly what the sergeant is referring to......position?  duration?  dismount technique?   

• The Humane Society of the United States has filed a complaint against McDonalds and Smithfield Foods, provider of the pork used in the cult icon McRib sandwich.  The HS is charging that Smithfield maintains its hogs under inhumane conditions.  Maybe so, but the real take-home from this story is.....HOLY CRAP, THERE IS PORK IN THE MCRIB!!!!!

Edict from the Sandwich Nazi: Mandatory Lunch Inspections!

Ministry of Plenty
Department of Healthy Food Initiatives

EDICT----EDICT----EDICT----EDICT

Press release - MOPDOHFI - 15 February 2012

The Ministry of Plenty Department of Healthy Food Initiatives has decreed that all school lunches brought from home must be inspected for mandatory nutrition levels and to insure that no seditious notes from parents disparaging our Dear Leader Obama are included.

Reports of little girls bringing turkey and cheese sandwiches, bananas, chips, and fruit juice for lunch can no longer be tolerated. Food Czar Sam Kass (formerly titled Sandwich Nazi, but they ran into copyright issues with Seinfeld) states, "The government must ensure that every little girl is fed, by force if necessary, food we deem to be nutritious regardless of parental wishes.  It is crucial that every little girl grows up healthy so that she can make the correct decision later in life to abort unwanted children because it is not the government's role to tell women what they should do with their bodies."

Lunches not meeting governmental standards will be discarded and will be replaced meals specially selected by Dear Leader Obama's wife. Only children whose parents are money-grubbing capitalist swine will be charged for these lunches.

Failure to comply with this edict will result in a compulsory invitation to one of Minister Holder's reeducation camps.  As it is written, so mote it be.


Reminder:  We have always been at war with Eastasia


You can view the article that prompted this edict here.

The Race Card Is The Real "Last Refuge of a Scoundrel"

Here is a quiz brought to you by the Obama administration.....

Which of the following issues is the real reason that Obama Attorney General Eric Holder is under fire from the right?  Choose all that apply.

1. Holder's involvement in the Clinton Admininistration's last minute pardon of Democrat contributor and fugitive tax evader Marc Rich.
2. Holder recommended clemency for 16 members of the terrorist organizations FALN and Machateros as Clinton's Deputy Attorney General in 1999.
3. In 2008, Holder urged the Supreme Court to uphold the unconstitutional Washington DC handgun ban in D.C. v Heller, claiming that the Second Amendment does not protect an individual's right to keep and bear arms outside of a state run militia.
4. Holder gave a speech on February 18th, 2009 in which he proclaimed "the United States is a nation of cowards" when it comes to racial relations.
5. In May of 2009, Holder declined to pursue the case against members of the New Black Panther Party for voter intimidation during the 2008 election, citing "a lack of evidence".  (personal note-  please, oh please let the New Black Panther Party show up at my polling place in November of 2012)
6. In November of 2009, Holder announced plans to bring 9/11 conspirators to New York for trial in the U.S. criminal court system.
7. Agents of Mr. Holder's Department of Justice supplied weapons to drug traffickers, weapons that have been used in hundreds of violent crimes, including the December 2010 murder of U.S. Border Patrol Agent Brian Terry.
8. He's sueing the state of Arizona because they dare to try and take action against the overwhelming flood of illegal immigration that the Obama Administration has failed to address.
9. He opposes any attempts to reduce voter fraud through voter ID measures.
10. He's black.

Let's let Attorney General Holder give us the answer, from a Sunday NY Times article by Charlie Savage...

In the interview, Mr. Holder offered a glimpse of how he viewed the criticism. He said he thought some critics — like Senator Lindsey Graham, a South Carolina Republican who favors allowing the military to handle terrorism suspects over the criminal justice system — are expressing “good faith” arguments about their policy disagreements.

But Mr. Holder contended that many of his other critics — not only elected Republicans but also a broader universe of conservative commentators and bloggers — were instead playing “Washington gotcha” games, portraying them as frequently “conflating things, conveniently leaving some stuff out, construing things to make it seem not quite what it was” to paint him and other department figures in the worst possible light.

Of that group of critics, Mr. Holder said he believed that a few — the “more extreme segment” — were motivated by animus against Mr. Obama and that he served as a stand-in for him. “This is a way to get at the president because of the way I can be identified with him,” he said, “both due to the nature of our relationship and, you know, the fact that we’re both African-American.”  (emphasis is mine)

Is it Stedman, is it the Attorney General?
  I don't think even Oprah  knows for sure!

Yep, you're right Mr. Holder.  All us crackers out here would be just fine with items 1-9 on the above list, if only you were white.  In the fine tradition of Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Cornel West, Attorney General Holder is carving out a place of his own in the race-baiter hall of fame.  Do us all a favor, resign your office immediately and go back to just squiring Oprah around town.