Monday Musings With The Crew

• Let's get my nomination for this week's Hollywood HoS in first......The usually level-headed and erudite Cher has gone on quite a Twitter rant the last few days.  Calling out Mitt Romney as a "spineless racist", a "cretin", and referring to Sarah Palin and Michele Bachman as " T-baggies", Cher is yet another example of the remarkable tolerance of the left.  Read the whole sordid mess here at twitchy.com.  I'd cut and paste into this space for you, but it makes me throw up a little in my mouth.  

Wieber after failing to qualify

• You'd think the Olympics would be the last bastion of achievement, the last place we'd have to worry about the namby-pamby fairness police.  You'd be wrong.  In a stunning miscarriage of justice, USA gymnast Jordyn Wieber will not compete in the women's all-around final.  Why?  Because the American team is too good.  A new Olympic rule states that no more than 2 gymnasts from each country can compete in the all-around final.  Wieber, the reigning all-around world champion, qualified third in the point standings yesterday.  However, because Americans Aly Reisman and Gabbie Douglas finsihed 1 and 2, Wieber did not make the all-around final.  That event is supposed to be a competition between the top 24 gymnasts in the Olympics, but 22 of those who compete will have finished behind Wieber in qualifying.  Pathetic.  

• NYC Michael "Big Gulp" Bloomberg has his beady little eyes set on baby formula now.  In a bizarre example of true "cradle to grave" governmental interventionism, Bloomberg has decreed that baby formula will be kept under lock and key in hospitals, and not offered to new mothers without some sort of brow-beating by a governmental lackey.  Everybody knows breast-feeding is ideal for new moms and babies, but hey, what about that girl in high school who was so skimpy up top you couldn't even get a real.....but I digress.  The good news is that Sahib will have a detailed analysis of Mad Mike's latest bit of idiocy later today, stay tuned!

• I bet you are having more fun this summer than Wallace Weatherholt.  The 63 year old Florida man took a family out on his airboat for a tour on June 12th.  He dangled a fish in the water to attract an alligator (yeah, I know).  A 9 footer took the fish, and Wallace's hand.  To add insult to gruesome injury, Florida is charging Weatherholt with "unlawful feeding of an alligator".  We all would have been better off if Wallace had dangled Cher over the side of his boat.  Of course if he had, the state would probably be charging him with "unlawful poisoning of an alligator".  

• Hi, this is Sahib.  I just had to add a blurb about the Obama Olympic kiss controversy. Apparently, the first couple were on the kiss camera at a pre-Olympic basketball game in Washington and the first lady rebuffed BHO.  This was what the White House had to say, "spokesman Josh Earnest says the couple didn't realize it was the "Kiss Cam" watching them.  He says they found this out after, when their daughters told them."  Of course, the second time when Moochelle knew the camera was on them, she was very receptive.
  
• Question:  How do you tell if a girl in a bikini is from Texas?

           Answer:

Hollywood HOs: 'Don't Want No Retard Baby' Margaret Cho

Hollywood HOs

Once again it was a dog-fight for this week's Hollywood HOs winner.  It was a battle of clueless versus vile and vile won out.  Kathie Lee Gifford was the runner-up with her interview of Martin Short where she commented on how great of a marriage they have and asked how long they've been married.  Martin Short's wife died of ovarian cancer in 2010.  As clueless and self-serving as Kathie Lee is, it wasn't malicious.  And we nominate Martin Short for Hollywood Hall of FAME for his classy handling of the issue.  He didn't bust her on live TV.  Being the evil person I am, I would have said: "You want to know our secret?  She never talks back."  I know it would have been WRONG, but that's just me.

Hollywood HOS Cho

But I digress.  Without further adieu, this week's winner is another classy lady in the proud tradition of previous Hollywood HOs Cher, Hanoi Jane Fonda, Roseanne Barr, and Sarah Silverman. Congratulations Margaret Cho!  She had these wonderfully sensitive things to say recently on Bravo:

“My period comes like twice a month. My eggs are jumping ship,” she said. “Seriously, they’re like, ‘the last one out’s a retard.”

“I get worried about that, as an older woman, I don’t necessarily want to have a retard,” she said.

You want your kid to have the best chance at life,” she added. “I’m trying [to get pregnant]. It’s hard for a lesbian.”

 And there you have it devoted readers, another one of those lovable "quirky" Hollywood types. And guess what boys and girls?  She's married.... to a straight guy...

 "It's not a traditional situation. It's not a committed marriage. We're just friends who share space. My parents don't understand it. They just send us Yahoo E-cards wishing us well." 

And she had this to say about voting rights for prisoners:

"It is tragic that people who are incarcerated are unable to vote. They are probably the most important voices to listen to because they can tell us what we need to change. Yet they are arbitrarily silenced, as if forfeiting their right to vote punishes them. In truth, it punishes the rest of us because it turns the right into a privilege. Whenever privilege is introduced, there are problems. We cannot afford any more problems." 

My goodness, where was she when I was single?  Have a great weekend everyone!

Hollywood HOs Winner: Sarah Silverman Edges John (t)Ravolta

Hollywood HOs

Deciding this week's Hollywood HOs winner was exceedingly difficult.  I spent countless seconds trying to decide between John (t)Ravolta and Sarah Silverman.  It came down to the fact that propriety and decorum prevent me from writing any of my thoughts about the plethora of John (t)Ravota stories on a family friendly blog.

So without further adieu, this week's Hollywood HOs winner is the ever-classy Sarah Silverman.

Such a classy lady!

I know Ms. Silverman is a D-lister at best, but her tweet about the Tea Party could not go unrewarded. She had this to say:

"The Tea Party is just a (female pubic) hair away from being the Westboro Baptist Church ~ Maya Angelou"

For those of you unfamiliar with the Westboro Baptist Church, it is the church in Topeka, Kansas founded by Fred Phelps that protests fallen servicemen's funerals with protest signs that are beyond vile.  When judgement day arrives, Fred Phelps is in for a very rude awakening. What Maya Angelou has to do with Ms. Silverman's tweet, only her fevered brain could say.

Thank you Ms. Silverman for keeping up the proud tradition of venomous hatred perpetrated by previous Hollywood HOs winners Ellen Barkin, Jane Fonda, and Cher.

OK.  I can't resist.  Just one John (t)Ravolta joke:  "I guess Sandy's leather pants were just too tight so Danny had to settle for Kenickie's."  Mom, please forgive me.

Weekly Hollywood HOs Winner: Cher

Hollywood HOs

We had several good candidates for this week's Hollywood HOs winner.  We had Sean Penn's mind-boggling interpretation of the constitution and we had this week's Clooney-Obama lovefest (John Travolta's invitation was withdrawn) to raise money for Dear Leader's reelection campaign.

No, this week's winner is perennial bastion of grace, good-taste, and decorum.... Cher!   She had this to say about presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney:

“If ROMNEY gets elected I don’t know if I can breathe same air as Him & his Right Wing Racist Homophobic Women Hating Tea Bagger Masters.”

Got to give the better hair award to Mitt.

None of this is surprising given that ad hominem attacks are simply daily tasks for the left. "Get up, take shower, get dressed, slander someone who doesn't agree with me."  What I find absolutely precious are the news stories about Cher "apologizing".  I saw a couple of them and thought here comes the standard, "I'm sorry if my words offended anyone.  Personal attacks have no place in the debate over the direction of the country."

WRONG!  She apologized to her Twitter followers NOT the person she slammed :

"Sorry 4 bringing Wrath of Kahn Lovelies," she tweeted Tuesday. "Feelings [are one] thing but no right 2 let mean spirit run free! Anger in heart made me turn back on Luv" 

As one of the founding fathers of  the White Heterosexual American Males Only! (WHAMO!) movement, I am deeply offended.  I am never buying another Cher CD or attending another Cher concert again in protest.  Wait... I never done either of those things before.  Oh well, everyone have a great weekend!

Hollywood HOs Weekly Winners: Beyonce and Jay Z

Hollwood HOs

"We are the coolest people ever!"

We have not one person, but a couple as this week's Hollywood HOs (Hall of Shame) winners.  Beyonce and Jay Z are this week's winners, but not for the reasons you think.  By now, you have probably heard about parents being blocked from getting to their babies in the NICU, taped-over security cameras, and other general celebrity nonsense.

Apparently, hospital administrators and Mayor Bloomberg want to stay on the good side of one of the entertainment industry's power couples because their exhaustive "investigations" have shown complaints to be exaggerated.

No, Beyonce and Jay Z are this week's Hollywood HOs winners because they named their daughter Blue Ivy.  What was their choice for a boy's name?  Plutonium Kafka?  I have always wondered which came first, the talent or the narcissist. Do fantastically talented people become narcissists as a result of people constantly fawning all over them or do narcissists succeed because they really believe they are the center of the universe?  And if all the Hollywood celebs are the center of the universe, shouldn't they be multiverses?  It's enough to make Stephen Hawking's brain to explode.

Who would have thought that Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple would have the "normal" name.  I can give Moxie Crimefighter's dad Penn Jillette somewhat of a pass because I think he was crazy to begin with, but why do these idiots do this to the people they are supposed to "love"?  Their kids are going to have a hard enough time growing up somewhat normal in the abnormal celebrity world.  Why make it even harder for them?

I can answer my own question.  It's because celebrities don't think it matters.  Being creative and nuanced is what counts.  They are the center of their own multiverse.  The rest of the world will adjust to their wills and desires.  When the jacked up name of their kids is just one more straw on camel's back it's OK right?  They've got money.  That's all that matters right?

Of course, it doesn't always turn out badly for the oddly named children of celebrities.  The first one I can remember is Chastity Bono.  (Come on!  Cher naming a kid Chastity is like Courtney Love naming her kid Sobriety.)  We all know what a healthy, happy, well-adjusted woman she grew up to be.  Though if I remember correctly, I think she did change her name....

*For the record, Sahib's boys' names are simple correctly spelled names.  No hyphens, no symbols,  no silent Ps. Of course the Crew's boys are named Habakkuk and Splat, but that's OK.  He IS the center of the universe.