Wednesday, January 11, 2012

2013 Obama Interview: A Peek into the Future

Chris's legs have lost that loving feeling...

The SACSTW Physics Department having completed work on its time machine prototype has had its very first glimpse into the future.  We have some bad news and some great news.  The bad news is the first message from the future is a Chris Matthews’ interview with Obama.  The great news is that Obama lost the 2012 election.  The following is a partial transcript of the interview from February 1, 2013:

CM:  Mr. President, thank you very much for your time.  In know this must be a difficult time for you.
BO:  …………………….
CM:  Mr. President?
BO:  ……………………
CM:  Mr. President, I know you are upset.  Please talk to me.
BO:  Oh, hi Chris.  I didn’t notice you there.  When did you come in?
CM:  Mr. President, we have been setting up for an hour.
BO:  Oh, sorry.  Hey!  Since when have you been in a wheelchair?
CM:  **Sob** It happened on election night.  When the early election returns looked favorable for you, my legs were tingling and jumping around like Charlie Sheen on a three day meth bender.  But when you gave your concession speech 15 minutes later, they went completely numb.  I haven’t had feeling in them since.  But enough about me… How are you getting along now that you are out of office?
BO:  ……………………
CM:  Mr. President?
BO:  Sorry Chris.  Since when have you been in a wheelchair?
CM:  Don’t worry about my troubles Mr. President.  How are YOU doing?
BO:  Well Chris, to be honest… not so hot.  The girls aren’t speaking to me, I’ve had to eat that crap the Michelle tried to force on school kids, and Reggie won’t return my calls.  I think he’s found someone new.  And you know the worst part Chris?
CM:  What’s that Mr. President?
BO:  I’ve only been able to play about 15 rounds of golf!
CM:  But Mr. President, you’ve only been out of office 11 days…
BO:  Yes, but they’ve all been rounds on **sob**, local courses!
CM:  The horror!
BO:  Warren and George have been making fun of me.
*editor’s note:  Warren Buffett and George Soros
CM: So how do you think the new president will fare?
BO:  How will he fare?!?! HOW WILL HE FARE!?!?  He’s friggin Tim Tebow!
CM:  I know, it is a little amazing…
BO:  Amazing?  AMAZING?  Friggin miraculous is what it is… if I believed in that sort of thing.  The guy farts unicorns and pukes lollipops.  First he wins the Super Bowl**, and then his fans get the 28th amendment to the constitution passed in six weeks lowering the minimum age for the presidency, and then the day after he is inaugurated Iran surrenders to Israel!  Gas prices are down, unemployment is down, Obamacare has been repealed, and the republicans balanced the budget in six days!
CM:  I know, it’s very disturbing.
BO:  If things keep going like this, Tebow and the republicans will have America an unassailable superpower again by the end of the year.  HE”S UNDOING EVERYTHING WE WORKED FOR!
CM:  Mr. President. please calm down.  You are going to give yourself a heart attack.
BO:  I won’t calm down!  And the running mate he picked!  I can’t believe he picked……..

At this point, the SACSTW time machine prototype experienced technical difficulties.  Once our scientists get it back up and running, we’ll try and get you the rest of the interview.  Suffice it to say, we were very encouraged by what we heard.  It just goes to show you how bad Obama is that Sahib and the Crew would prefer a Florida Gator/ Denver Broncos quarterback over Obama.

*Sahib and the Crew would like to thank our good friend and Crew Member Emeritus Brian @Holyfield67 for the idea for this post.  We hope you enjoy it Brian!

**Sahib and the Crew are not responsible for gambling losses based on SACSTW time machine predictions.  Sahib and the Crew do however expect a 10% vig on any gambling wins based on SACSTW time machine predictions.  We're kind of like the IRS that way....


  1. Sortof a reverse Wayback Machine. Wayahead Machine? Oh, the gold mine of blog posts it would furnish, if only...

  2. No, the scientists in the SACSTW Physics department did a bang up job on our time machine. When it works, it can move forward or backward in time based on the vagaries of the wishes of Sahib and the Crew.