Koran Burning: A Weenie Roast Gone Bad

Waiting on the Fatwa...

Intrepid SACSTW reporters have AGAIN uncovered the truth in another story of supposed "atrocities" in Afghanistan.  This time, the calm, peaceful, tolerant people of Afghanistan have their burqas in a bunch over the light toasting of a couple of Korans by American forces.

This is a simple cultural misunderstanding.  American forces are an outdoorsy bunch.  They like to relieve themselves outdoors: "USMC Yellow 'Rain' of Terror Conspiracy Exposed" and they like to camp.

This time they decided to have a hootenanny to foster good will with the Afghani people .  And what good hootenanny doesn't have a campfire?  They planned on singing  Islamic campfire favorites such as:  "She'll be Blowing up the Mountain When She Comes" and "Boom By Ya" and they decided to cook dinner over the campfire.

They purchased halal hot-dogs.  (100% beef, no pork, blessed by the local Imam)  They even had smores!  The problem arose when the campfire wasn't hot enough to cook the hot-dogs.  A "Native American" soldier informed everyone that the hottest campfires were fueled by bull sh!t (BS).  Non-"Native American" soldiers misunderstood and understandably tossed a couple of Korans on the fire.

Once the misunderstanding was resolved, the Korans were retrieved from the fire. Apparently the Afghanis, after sewing up the vagina of a 12 year old girl and beheading a couple of homosexuals, decided that this was a affront to their moral code.  The images below illustrate their measured and completely reasonable response:

This generated...

This!

Dear Leader Obama sent a three page letter of grovelling to Afghan President Karzai, but even better was this video apology by SACSTW favorite Kira Davis.  As Americans, Sahib and The Crew are appalled that our president didn't accurately portray the depth of our contrition.  Kira sums it up perfectly. 

We expect the fatwa any day now...

UPDATE:  Just heard that Andrew Breitbart died last night.  Our thoughts and prayers are with his family.

USMC Yellow "Rain" of Terror Conspiracy Exposed!

Once again the crack SACSTW undercover reporting staff has unearthed another conspiracy.  The team that brought you Karl Rove: OWS Mastermind has discovered an Obama administration conspiracy to cover up what really happened with the USMC urination scandal.  Many of you have seen the image below, but what you may not have seen is what crack SACSTW digital image forensic examiners discovered.  The images that have been plastered all over the Internet have been digitally altered.  Below is the digitally altered image of the marines.

Digitally Altered Image

Below is the original image.  If you are a liberal, you may want to turn away.  This will probably be more disturbing to you than the altered images.

Actual Image

This revelation poses a number of questions.

1.  What are Obama campaign bumper stickers doing in Afghanistan?

2.  Why were the marines urinating on them?

3.  Why would the Obama administration want to cover this up?

Never fear devoted readers.  Intrepid SACSTW reporters have the answers.  The Obama campaign staff looking to take advantage of AG Holder's somewhat "flexible" interpretation of federal voter qualifications decided to blaze a new trail in the search for new Obama absentee voters.  Thus it was decided to carpet bomb Afghanistan, Pakistan, and parts of Africa with Obama bumper stickers.  This also answers the question as to why the administration would want to cover this up.  It would be very embarrassing and potentially damaging to President Obama's reelection campaign if this came to light.

Why then, did the marines urinate on the Obama bumper stickers?  The answer to this took a little more digging.  Apparently, the marines saw the bumper stickers being air-dropped into Taliban controlled areas.  Concerned that the Iranians or other Taliban sympathizers were air-dropping arms or supplies to the Taliban terrorists, the marines investigated.

After killing and/or driving off the Taliban forces, the marines discovered that the Taliban forces had been using the Obama bumper stickers as toilet paper.  Frankly concerned with their condition, the marines decided to clean them to the best of their abilities.  Water being in short supply and remembering that urine is sterile, they made use with what they had handy.  Improvise, adapt, overcome!  At least, that's their story... and they are sticking to it.

And that devoted readers, is the unvarnished truth.  Or at least our interpretation of it.  Be comforted by the fact that the entire SACSTW staff is dedicated to shining the light of truth on whatever the left is trying to conceal.

*Editor's note:  Another masterful idea from crew member emeritus and creative consultant Brian Holyfield - @Holyfield67