Friday, June 22, 2012

Violence In Chicago To End On Saturday!

Let's say you are Joe Whiteywhacker, roaming the mean streets of Chicago on this beautiful Friday night in June.  You take a short break from felonious assault to drop in on your best girl Maria, only to find her in the sack with her nerdy boss.  Of course you are still carrying your work equipment, specifically a low-rent .38 revolver.  Two in the head for both Maria and Chad, and you're good to go.... right?  Wrong!  Now you gotta ditch your piece, can't get caught holding a murder weapon.

Good news Joe, all you have to do is turn your gat into the cops tomorrow!.  Not only will they take it from you no questions asked and destroy it, they will pay you $100 to boot!  Yes folks, once again it is time for Chicago's annual Murder Weapon Turn-In and Evidence Disposal Gala!

Saturday, June 23, Chicago police officers will be located at numerous churches throughout the city. They will take any and all weapons, no questions asked, and will be paying $100 per gun.  Just think, you can finally get rid of that old .22 that you killed the neighbor kid with, the 9MM you got from your mom's pimp when you turned 13, and even that beautiful vintage Colt you took off that old geezer when you bludgeoned him to death.

Heck, you get 4 or 5 of your thug buddies together, and you can come up with enough cash for something really cool like this.....
all courtesy of the Chicago Police Department.

Wait, it gets better.  Do you have any young goons in training in your home?  They can get $10 each for replica guns and BB guns at this year's event.  Now that really appeals to the capitalist in me.  Go down to every dollar store you can find, and clean them out of 99 cent cap guns.  Then.......Officer Friendly will gladly hand you $10 for each one of them.  Hey, where else in this economy can you make 900% profit overnight?  Besides carjacking I mean.

Of course this is all typically ludicrous liberal folderol.  There is NO, and I mean ZERO evidence that gun turn-in events have even the most microscopic benefit to society.  Why is Chicago such a violent and dangerous city?  Simple, it is a human shooting gallery.  Chicago in particular and Illinois in general are among the few places left in the U.S. where no citizen can legally carry a concealed firearm to defend themselves and their loved ones.  Joe and his buddies know this, and can feel free to cavort among the unarmed populace as violently as they wish.

If Mayor Emanuel and the Chicago PD were really serious about reducing violent crime in Chicago, they would hold a Gun Distribution Event.  Each tax-paying, law-abiding adult would receive a Glock 19, 2 magazines, and a voucher for 20 hours of training with an NRA instructor.  Then I might even feel safe enough to visit Chicago again.


  1. This has got to be the single most STUPIDEST thing I have ever heard of.

  2. Now, this might be most of a good policy. Only the wording is wrong. The cops need to hand out guns to law-abiding citizens. Then the crime would go down, instead of up.

  3. Dmarks--- i agree completely. Thanks to you and Cynthia for stopping by SACSTW!