Monday Musings With The Crew

This week's edition of Monday Musings starts with breaking news!  Do yourself a favor and sit down........Bill Maher actually said something funny!  Of course he did it unintentionally while delivering his quasi-serious political analysis......   but it was still hilarious

Maher:  "You know who the role model of every President should be?  Jimmy Carter.  Because he is the one out of all of them who figured out how to sit in office for 4 years and never fire a shot."

Look, I've got nothing personal against Jimmy Carter.  He served his country in the Navy, and by all acounts is a kind man.  He was also (until the WH's current occupant came along) the worst President in the history of our nation.  Guess what happens when a President is weak and "never fires a shot"?  Stuff like this.....

Speaking of Dear Leader, he has really sunk to a new low.  He trotted out Francine and David Wheeler, parents of a child killed in the Newtown shooting, to deliver his weekly radio address.  Exploiting a family's pain for political gain is nothing short of reprehensible, but about what we have come to expect from Barack Hussein Obama.   

Big kudos to Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) who addressed this issue on the Senate floor, and has started a campaign to gather the stories of those whose lives and families were defended and protected through the use of a firearm.  Project 2A has collected over 5000 such testimonials in a very short period of time.  Here is Senator Lee commenting on the Senate floor, it is powerful stuff.

Last Stand of the Melting Pot

Check them out at www.missourimavericks.com

One of the best things about my home town is the minor league hockey team.  It has a loyal, passionate fanbase, and as a season-ticket holder I attend virtually every home game.  Every night at the arena, I marvel at the number of fans wearing not just the home team jersey, but jerseys from dozens of different teams.  NHL teams like the Blues, Red Wings, Maple Leafs, Flyers, and Bruins are well represented.  I’ve seen gear from other minor league teams, international teams, college teams, beer league teams, the entire spectrum of hockey can be seen each night. 

These fans come to the sport of hockey from every socio-economic background.  They represent different ethnicities, religions, and political viewpoints. However, the reasons they all cram into the arena on game night are not their differences.  It is because they are united in a single purpose, a single dream to cheer the home town boys on to the championship.  They are proud of their hockey heritage yes, but that is secondary to their sense of unity as fans of the local team.  Therein lies their greatness, the reason they are widely considered the best fanbase in the league.

Historically, America has resembled that game night crowd.  Immigrants would come through the turnstiles of our great melting pot, with their individual heritage intact but secondary to the desire to be American, to cheer the home team, and to reap the benefits of the grand American experiment.

Over the last few decades, things have changed.  Progressives planted the seeds of division in our public schools by emphasizing to our children what makes them different from one another.  Our skin color, our ethnicity, our religion, our gender, our sexual orientation, even our body mass!  Those seeds have taken root, and the harvest is the increasingly fractionated society we live in today.  Our children have grown up identifying themselves not as Americans, but as hyphenated citizens whose true loyalty is to their past.  It is no coincidence that the words “diversity” and “division” share a common root.

America is in trouble, and lust for diversity is our greatest internal threat.  If we don’t reverse this infatuation with our differences then the idea of a great American melting pot will pass from our national conscience, to be replaced by an increasingly cacophonous population of individuals interested only in favorable treatment for their own segment of society.

Don’t believe me?  Ask anyone you know under the age of 30 what the phrase “melting pot” means to them.  Don’t be surprised if most of them think it is the new fondue restaurant in town.

Ban Dodgeball? Fine By Me!

I read with sneaking dread last week's story about a school district in New Hampshire banning dodgeball and other "human target" games.  Apparently a parent complained that their child was being bullied during the games.  Here's the kicker......they were already playing with Nerf balls, not the red rubber playground balls that I ......that I.......that.....I...............remember.

This anti-dodgeball movement comes about 35 years too late for me.  Had I been born in a different time, a different place, I might have been spared the soul-shattering trauma.  But I wasn't. Back then we played a dodgeball variant known as bombardment.  Rules were simple, if your throw hit a player on the other side, they were out.  If the opponent caught your throw, you were out.

6th grade.  The final match of the year to decide which class had bombardment supremacy.  I was a good player, with a strong arm and catching abilities honed on the baseball diamond each summer.  The match was brutal. One by one the players on both teams fell by the wayside, adorned with scarlet playground ball size blotches on various portions of their anatomy.

At the end, only two were left.  Me on one side of the court, and Leann on the other.  Ahh, Leann.  One of the prettiest girls in school, soft-spoken and delicate in stature, kind to small animals and old people, and the LAST human on Earth you would want your team's bombardment hopes riding on.

As if Fate itself had decreed my victory, I had accumulated all the balls on my side of the court.  Leann was alone, defenseless, cowering in the corner of the court like a fly entrapped in the spider web of my athletic prowess.  I gave my fallen teammates on the sideline a confident grin, and calmly selected the instrument of Leann's demise from the collection of playground balls I had at my disposal.

No need to be fancy here I thought, don't give her a chance to unwittingly dodge the throw with the involuntary tremors that were racking her body.  I fixed her with a steely gaze, softened with just a touch of pity.  As I drew the ball back all pity left me, and I was filled with equal parts swagger and malice.

The throw was true, center mass, and resulted in a satisfying "thwack", closely followed by a wispy "oomph" as every last molecule of air left Leann's lungs in a rush.  I turned to my teammates, arms in the air celebrating certain triumph.  Wait.....why do they have such shocked expressions?  Why is there a roar arising from my vanquished opponents?

I whipped around as primitive horror began to clutch at my brainstem.  There was Leann, crumpled on the court surface where the impact of my projectile had left her.  Clutched in her diaphanous arms was....the ball.  She had caught my throw, and I had lost.

Leann's classmates swarmed her in victory as I stumbled off the court, seeking solace from my team.  Instead, I met with only callous disregard from my fellow 12 year olds.  I was an outcast, a leper, to be avoided at all costs.  When the fateful heave had left my hand, I was "King of Bombardment and All He Surveys".  When its flight ended in Leann's tenuous grasp, I was forever reduced to "the kid who threw the ball that Leann caught".

Uusally I am critical of school districts banning this, prohibiting that, all in the name of protecting the precious self-esteem of their students.  You will forgive me of course, if I make an exception for dodgeball.

Editor's note:  After not hearing her name in decades, I recently received a Facebook friend request from Leann.  I haven't slept well since.  

Monday Musings With The Crew

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend with their family and loved ones.  All over our nation, Americans listened to their spiritual leaders talk about new life, renewed optimism, and hopes for a better future.  Well, except for the Obamas......

• The Obamas spent Easter morning at a "worship" service at St. John's Episcopal Church in Washington, D.C.  During said service, Dear Leader and his family heard the pastor at St. John's say this.......

“It drives me crazy when the captains of the religious right are always calling us back…for blacks to be back in the back of the bus…for women to be back in the kitchen…for immigrants to be back on their side of the border,” 

Isn't that special?  My first question when I read those comments was...."When did Jeremiah Wright become pastor at St. John's in DC?".  A little further investigation revealed the pastor's name is actually Rev. Dr. Luis Leon.  I'm sure Dear Leader felt right at home hearing this garbage spewing from the pulpit.

• In other related Easter news, I found graphic video of  sweet, innocent bunnies and chicks being lined up and summarily executed with a .50 caliber rifle!  Here's the video if you can stand the gore.....

• With all the incredible things happening in Cyprus lately, I started wondering.....why does the government there feel so comfortable and secure that they will invade the bank accounts of its citizens and make off with a large chunk of their hard-earned money?  Doesn't the government fear an armed uprising from the citizenry?   Then I checked gun laws in Cyprus.....  SURPRISE!

         from wikipedia....

  Cyprus has strict gun control. Private citizens are completely forbidden from owning handguns and rifles in any calber, even .22 rimfire. Only shotguns are allowed, and these require a license. Shotguns are limited to two rounds. The only shotguns typically sold in stores are double-barreled side-by-sides or over-unders. Pump actions and semiautomatics are prohibited............A gun license is required to buy ammunition, and ammunition sales are recorded. ..........Cyprus also controls airguns, and airgun owners require a license.

         It is a simple, inescapable fact.  When the citizenry is disarmed, the  
       government is free to wreak havoc among the people with no fear of
       reprisal.

• While reading about gun control in Cyprus, I came across a message board forum where someone was asking if and how a person could obtain a handgun license in Cyprus.  One of the responses went something like this..... "why would anyone need a gun on Cyprus?  It's an island, criminals who commit crimes can't go anywhere, they always get caught...".  Sorry buddy, but private citizens don't want to be armed so they can help round up criminals after they commit crimes.  They want to be armed to reduce the chances they become the victim of a crime in the first place.  

• Finally today, I want to share a message I received this morning from Sahib....

April 1, 2013

Dear Crew,

I wanted to let you know that I have left the Midwest, having decided after 5 years of Obama that liberalism and social progressivism really do hold the only true hope for mankind.  I have traveled to California, and intend to make it my base of operations as I feel the warm embrace of like-minded people everywhere I go.  True, the embraces are mostly from dudes in San Francisco, but I digress.  

Turning my back on the conservative rantings of SACSTW, I will now subsist solely on granola and

green beans.  I have found a commune full of friendly fellow granolans here in the San Jose area, and look forward to the day you abandon your outdated philosophies, and join me here amongst the chosen people.

Mariska Hargitay,

Sahib

PS- I hope you like this snapshot of me living the good life

Monday Musings With The Crew

I have to confess.....I was so overwhelmed with the lunacy of the left last week, that I just couldn't form any coherent posts on any of the topics.  Let's try to sum up a few of the humdingers in Monday Musings today....

Excuse me while I whip this out!

• It has come to this.  In the country of Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Reagan, it has come to this. Today, if you google the phrase "duck penis", the first thing you find is a story about the United States federal government.  Sufferin' succotash!  It seems that you and I gave researchers at Yale University $400,000 for a study entitled "Sexual Conflict, Social Behavior, and the Evolution of Waterfowl Genitalia".  Here is my question.....If this grant request was approved, exactly what do you have to propose researching in order to have a grant request denied?  The soul shudders at the thought.....

• Florida State Senator Audrey Gibson (D-Jacksonville) has proposed legislation that would require purchasers of ammunition to present proof that they have taken and passed an anger management class.  Obviously she is one of the great Constitutional scholars of our time.  

The fiends are even marketing these weapons
to children!

• Anthony Mayo was arrested in Mojave, CA on charges that he murdered his wife in August of 2012 in Las Vegas.  He allegedly beat his wife with a vacuum cleaner, and she succumbed to her brain injury 2 weeks later.  Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) responded by calling for a ban on all vacuums with a canister or bag capacity over 1 quart.  "There can be no justification for having these high-capacity devices in the hands of ordinary citizens" said the Senator, adding "They just suck."  

• Can we finally put to rest the notion that Barack Obama is the most brilliant man to every occupy the Oval Office?  Last week on his sojourn through the Middle East, Dear Leader spent much of his time talking about the "2 state" solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.  Here is one of his more outrageous comments...

And those two states I think will be able to deal with each other the same way all states do.  I mean, the United States and Canada has arguments once in a while, but they're not the nature of arguments  that can't be solved diplomatically.

Grammatical difficulties aside, did the President of the United States just equate the Israeli-Palestinian conflict with the relationship the United States has with Canada along our northern border?  That seems a bit of a stretch, even for Dear Leader.  I mean, it has been months since the Canucks lobbed a missile strike into the U.S., and anyway they are just mad that it has been 20 years since a team from Canada won the Stanley Cup!

An interesting caveat to these great words of wisdom from Dear Leader......he delivered them while standing under a giant picture of Yasser Arafat, the father of modern terrorism.  I'm sure this photo gives Netanyahu a warm cozy feeling.....

Poetry-Reading Lesbian Bondage Experts of the World Unite!

A tragedy of biblical proportions has befallen one of the hallowed halls of higher education.  The University of Tennessee has decided not to COMPLETELY fund a cherished UT campus tradition.  No, they haven’t done away with the annual torch walk and Smokey IX will get a new orange and white smock to be embarrassed in at football games next year.  It’s even worse.  Organizers will have to come up with some of their own funding for Sex Week.  Apparently, university leaders have caved and abandoned their principles in the face of opposition.  Instead of footing the entire $20K bill for Sex Week, they are only chipping in about a third.

As I read the news of this travesty, I thought “Gee, the poor kids won’t get to learn about being responsible, abstinence, contraception, and preventing STDs.”  Then I saw the agenda for the week.  Some of the highlights include:  “Getting Laid,” “Sex Positivity; Queer as a Verb,” “Bow Chicka Bow Woah,” “How to talk to Your Parents About Sex,” “Loud and Queer,” and “How Many Licks Does it Take…” – a workshop about oral sex. 

These paled in comparison to what I consider to be the climax of the week, a presentation by poetry-reading lesbian bondage expert, Sinclair Sexsmith.  In my almost 48 years of life and the millions upon millions of words I have read, I can honestly say I have never spoken, heard, or even read the combination of words, poetry-reading lesbian bondage expert. (Or PRLB to aficionados.)  And with great trepidation, I allowed my mind to wander and wonder… How does one get to be a PRLB expert?  Is there some kind of contest?  Is it a title like Nobel Laureate? Is there an International PRLB festival or symposium? And if not, The Crew has graciously offered to host one.  However; I digress.

PRLB Laureate Emeritus Sinclair Sexsmith 

What kind of country do we live in where our tax dollars are prevented from being spent on educating our children about getting laid and oral sex?  How can we ever hope to compete globally with China, Japan, and India when we are not doing everything in our power to assist the youth of America in becoming poetry-reading lesbian bondage experts?

Never let it be said that Sahib and The Crew are anything but civic-minded, so in support of this great cause, we are starting the Midwest Chapter of PRLB (a wholly owned subsidiary of WHAMO).  Anyone wishing to join is welcome.  You can submit your application in the comments section of this post.  Donations will be taken at the first chapter meeting to be sent to those poor kids at UT.  Because it’s all about the children.

Monday Musings With The Crew

• Something is happening in Philadelphia that should terrify you to your very core.  Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter has directed the Philadelphia Human Rights Commission to investigate Philadelphia Magazine.  You see, the magazine dared to publish an essay about race relations that was authored by a white journalist and that contained quotes and opinions from white citizens of Philadelphia.  Mayor Nutter called the piece "disgusting", and described the white citizens quoted in the article as "too cowardly" to use their names.  Here's my opinion.......Mayor Nutter is just one more in a long line of race-baiting progressives who will do anything it takes to shut white people up.  He is despicable, intellectually dishonest, and a threat to every freedom-loving American of any color.  Read the Philadelphia Magazine article here, and decide for yourself.

• Pew Research Center has released an interesting study of cable news outlets, comparing time spent reporting factual news vs time spent on opinion and commentary.  CNN led the way, spending 54% of its time reporting the news, and 46% opining about it.  Fox News was next, with 45% hard news and 55% opinion.  A distant third were the pyschopathic leftists at MSNBC, who spend 15% of their time reporting the news, and an astounding 85% of their time spewing filth about it.  Me? I think 15% sounds pretty high for MSNBC's actual news coverage.

• Barack Obama, the great centrist, has nominated a hard left radical to fill his Cabinet's empty slot at Labor.  Tom Perez is a dangerous man, and should be allowed nowhere near a presidential Cabinet post.  Senate Republicans must derail this nomination at any cost.  Read more about Mr. Perez and the Inspector General's report on his gross misdeed's while at the Dept. of Justice here.  

I'd give her a million bucks in taxpayer funds
just to go away....

• And then there's this......   The federal government has awarded a Harvard-associated hospital $1.5 million of Other People's Money (OPM) to research why lesbians are so fat.  According to the grant application, 75% of lesbians are obese.  Look, only one of two things can be happening here.  Either Rosie O'Donnell is just skewing the curve for everybody, or.....dare I suggest it.......maybe this is nothing more than the classic chicken and egg scenario.  

• Finally, in a remarkable example of typecasting, Barack Obama is apparently playing Satan in the current History Channel hit "The Bible".  The big baddie himself showed up in last night's episode, and the internet exploded with the amazing similarity the character had to Dear Leader.....here is Glenn Beck's tweet on the topic.......