Thursday, November 3, 2011

Karl Rove is the Occupy Protest Mastermind!

SACSTW has unearthed a plot so cunning, so diabolical, that Machiavelli himself would have been proud.  Karl Rove is the mastermind behind the Occupy Wall Street protest movement.  Undercover SACSTW reporters have obtained a secret recording of the planning and implementation meeting held in King Karl’s secret underground bunker.  (Built by non-union construction workers.)  The following is the transcription of the recording:

April 1, 2011 10:43:02 EDT
King Karl:  I am sick and tired of all the crap that the Tea Party people are getting from the media and the left.

 Minion #1:  Yeah and why do the American people keep buying the “big government is the answer” lies from the Obama and his all commie chorus?

Minion #2:  We need a plan to show the American people the foolishness of socialism and how the Tea Party supporters are hard working patriotic Americans who want the best for everyone. 

King Karl:  Any ideas?

Minion #1:  We could let Obama, Harry Reid, and Debbie Wasserman Schultz keep talking…

King Karl:  You would think that would work, but it’s taking too long. 

Minion #2:  We could start a big ad campaign denouncing socialist policies and supporting hard work and personal responsibility.

Minion #1:  The mainstream media wouldn’t cover it.

King Karl:  Wait a minute…. I have an idea. (Sinister chuckle)  What if we let the lefty moonbats and media do the work for us?  We send some operatives undercover into the bowels of the liberal bastions to sow the seeds of a protest.  We play on their paranoia and public school brainwashing.  We feed their insecurities and inherent laziness.  We plant slogans like, “Greedy People Suck!”, “Banks have all the money, give us some!”, and “I don’t want to repay my student loans!” If that doesn’t work, they can use the magic words…. “Free weed!”  Send them someplace like Wall Street to protest.  The lib media will eat it up.  The dem politicos will have to back them because they ARE the democrats’ voting base.  The American people will see what a bunch of whack jobs occupy the left.  It could be my biggest triumph!  Hmmmm, whack jobs, occupy, Wall Street….

Minion #2:  I don’t know boss.  Not even the lib media is dumb enough to fall for that.

King Karl:  Three words.  Olbernamm, Maddow, Krugman.

Minion #2:   Point taken.

Minion #1:  To which liberal bastions should we send our operatives? 

King Karl:  Oh, East Village coffee houses, the NYU student union, methadone clinics.  You know, the usual.  We can’t start right away.  Our operatives will require some rigorous training.  Besides, we want the protests to have time to really start ramping up about the time the weather starts getting really nasty.  Begin say, mid-September? What should we call them by the way?

Minion #2:  Karl’s Kommandos?

King Karl:  Too commie.

Minion #1:  Rove’s Raiders?

King Karl:  I like it!  It has kind of a corporate raider flair.  That goes perfectly with the name I have for the protests… Occupy Wall Street.
End of transcription

At this point the SACSTW reporter’s recording device failed, but he was able to provide us with before and after pictures of Rove’s Raiders.  According to SACSTW reporters, the training was a strict regimen of vegan diet, bi-weekly bathing, Michael Moore "documentaries", and heavy doses of marijuana. 

Rove's Raiders prior to training
Rove's Raiders after training
Stay tuned to SACSTW for the latest updates to this fast-breaking story!

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