Secret Video From Inside Conclave Of Cardinals Released!

In what can only be described as a stunning triumph in undercover journalism, SACSTW has obtained highly classified video taken during the recent conclave of cardinals.  The video captures the reaction of the new pope as he is informed of his election.  It is believed that the video was taken by a hi-tech camera hidden in Cardinal Murray's cassock.

Holy Smoke!

In related news, the Environmental Protection Agency, in conjunction with the United Nations,  is preparing a lawsuit against the Vatican for violation of air emissions standards.....

Courtesy of our friends at The Patriot Post.....

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Monday Musings With The Crew

it's been a good year....

• Congratulations to the KState men's basketball team on their first conference championship (albeit shared!) since 1977.  Attention KU fan, if you are going to count your shared titles in 2005, 2006, and 2008,  we are counting this one.

• A 25 year old high school softball coach has lost his job after "allegedly" asking some of his female players to "find a cute girl" for him to date.  Troy Hennum was on the job at Roosevelt High School in Seattle for a grand total of 6 days.  I suppose we can be thankful he was just using his players to find him dates, instead of actually dating his players.  More here.

Very fly in the prison
orange Mr. Mayor!

• Former Detroit mayor and current scumbag Kwame Kilpatrick was convicted today of multiple counts of racketeering and corruption.  When last we saw Mr. Kilpatrick, he was doing 14 months in the slammer for probation violations related to a case involving his affair with his chief of staff.  Maybe I should start a weekly "Democrats in prison jumpsuits" feature here at SACSTW!

• Here is my nomination for best headline of 2013, from Foxnews.com...... "Saudi Arabia may stop beheadings over shortage of swordsmen".  Apparently the Kingdom is considering old-fashioned firing squads, they are probably the only ones who can afford the ammo these days.

• Dennis Rodman's little buddy Kim Jong Un has evidently gone off his meds.  The North Korean crackpot has canceled the armistice agreement that ended the Korean War.  Somebody better tell Hawkeye and Beej.  

• Found some old video of Howard Dean the other day, he's the one in the green......

Dianne Feinstein: It's Legal To Hunt Humans....Really

Here at SACSTW, we strive to illustrate the sheer idiocy of the left.  To that end, we occasionally use hyperbole, satire, and other tools with which to skewer our prey.  At other times, we just let them fall on their own sword.......

All these years I have thought these were used to display clothing,  now I find out they are really hunting decoys......

The Face Of Gun Control In Colorado

Everyone knows that gun control activists are busy all across SecondTermica, making grabs for your lawfully purchased guns, magazines, and ammunition.  Nowhere is this more true than in the Colorado statehouse.  Unfortunately, the great state of Colorado has succumbed to a massive influx of liberal statists from California.

The Colorado legislature has moved forward with several anti-gun legislative measures, and one of the lawmakers at the forefront is Representative Rhonda Fields.  A Democrat from Aurora, Fields has been a prominent voice railing against your Constitutional rights.  Let's see, I'm sure I have a picture of her somewhere.......

Nope, not there....hmmm

Wait.......yep, there it is!

Ain't she a peach!  Now to be honest, I'm not sure exactly when this particular mugshot was taken....could have been in 1976 when she was arrested for larceny.  Or maybe 1991, when she was arrested for shoplifting.  I'm pretty sure it's not from 1998 when she pled guilty to writing bad checks.  Probably wasn't from her careless driving charge in 1989, or her traffic citations in 2007, 2009, and 2011.  

Ahh, now I see.  The date on the mugshot is indeed 1991.  Voters in Aurora must be so proud!  

Woman Killed By CousCous!

Look, I know that the news today is all about Rand Paul's filibuster, the shredding of the Constitution by Dear Leader, blah blah blah.  The real news today is that an innocent young American woman was killed by a heretofore seemingly inocuous form of Middle Eastern grain.  Was this another Islamist plot?  Can we expect further pasta attacks?  What??  Hold on just a second here......

I am being informed by SACSTW researchers that the couscous in question was actually CousCous, a 350 lb African lion.  The beast apparently killed a worker at an exotic cat refuge in California.  The 24 year old volunteer intern was inside the cage with CousCous when the cat attacked her.  As I watched the report on Fox and Friends this morning, noted wildlife expert Gretchen Carlson intoned that authorities were investigating what "triggered the attack".

WARNING-WARNING-WARNING.....BLUNT TRUTH AHEAD!

Let me save the "authorities" a lot of time and trouble.  What triggered the attack by Couscous was the close proximity of a defenseless prey item.  End of story.  Literally.  Every time a human being tries to cozy up to a large predator and gets killed and/or consumed there is great confusion and consternation amongst the greenbean/animal lover/do-gooder crowd.  Let's ask noted grizzly bear enthusiast Timothy Treadwell about the habits of large predators around humans.  Nevermind, I forgot that Timothy and his girlfriend were killed and eaten in 2003 by their bear buddies.

Take some advice from your old friend the Crew......a sure fire way to avoid becoming predator poop is to stay out of cages that contain said predator.  Note that this advice is not all-encompassing in areas where such creatures roam around naturally.  In these places I would add this corollary.....don't get it on with your sweetie in the African bush.

Personally, I blame The Lion King, but that's just me.