Showing posts with label Joe Biden. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joe Biden. Show all posts

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Democrats Love Vermin!

No, I'm not referring to the president...

Leading Democrat candidate Vermin Love Supreme

Apparently, Hillary, Creepy Uncle Joe, and Commander Kerry are not the only Democrat presidential candidate retreads who are running or are considering running for president.  Sahib and Crew favorite Vermin Love Supreme is throwing his boot, err hat, into the ring.  (He has the boot to this day!)

Running on a platform of a free pony for every American, time-travel research, mandatory dental hygiene, and zombie power, Mr. Supreme appears to be one of the more lucid candidates running for the Democrat nomination.  As he perfectly illustrates in the video below of a debate from his 2012 presidential run.

Of course when these are your choices...


This guy doesn't seem so bad...

However; I must disagree with Mr. Supreme on one point.  Given the moral bankruptcy of the Democrat party, he may be Vermin, but he is hardly Supreme.


Monday, August 3, 2015

Monday Musings


One of our many hallowed traditions here at SACSTW is Monday Musings with the Crew.  Let's face it, Mondays suck...so I try to gather up a few little nuggets of blazing insanity from over the weekend to get your week off to a good start.  Let's dive right in..

  •  In what can only be described as the ultimate indictment of the left, Debbie Wasserman Schulz is still the chairman of the Democrat National Committee.  She had an interesting weekend on the talk show circuit, as first Tingles Matthews and then Chuck Todd asked her to explain the difference between a Democrat (Hillary Clinton) and a Socialist (Bernie Sanders). She ignored the question, instead "focusing" on the difference between Democrats and Republicans....
the difference between Democrats and Republicans is that Democrats want to make sure that people have the opportunity to climb the ladder of success and reach the middle class--
Debbie Wasserman Schulz 
          
           What DWS failed to mention is that the ladder of success can be climbed in both directions.  
           Her party is most interested in helping people reach the middle class by climbing DOWN that
           ladder. One of SACSTW's intrepid field reporters caught up with Ms. Wasserman Schulz to 
           ask her to elaborate..

          
  • On Wednesday of this week, doctors at the Tufts University School of Veterinary Medicine will fit a chicken named Cecily with a $2,500 prosthetic leg.  Cecily's owner is paying for the procedure out of pocket.  Seems reasonable, after all you don't eat a great chicken like Cecily all at once.
  • No matter how bad your weekend was, it was likely better than Colin Corkhill's.  The 26 year old Arizona man was jailed over the weekend on a number of charges.  He is now hospitalized after pulling his right eyeball out with his fingers in the jail.  Interestingly, all the TVs in the jail were tuned to MSNBC at the time of the ocular extraction.  Been there my friend...
  • Looks like Piers Morgan, Michael Bloomberg, Barack Obama and the rest of the gun control
    FYI, Amy is in the foreground
    whackadoodles can stand down.  Over the weekend, actress Amy Schumer made this comment about gun violence..."don't worry, I'm on it.  You'll see."  Schumer's movie Trainwreck was playing in the Louisiana theater that John Houser shot up last month.  She is also the star of something called "Inside Amy Schumer".  Uh, no thanks.
  • For all of us here at SACSTW, I'd like to say...Run Joe, Run!


Friday, March 1, 2013

Women Try Out Biden's Advice- Must Watch Video!



This just in to the SACSTW news desk.... Already planning for after he gets clobbered in the 2016 primaries by Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden has started a company specializing in self-defense instruction for women.  We have obtained video of Joe's first class going through some firing drills.......


Please compare and contrast the clips of women firing Joe's weapon of choice, versus the eminently controllable and precise AR-15.

There appear to be a few flaws in the curriculum at the Biden School for Self Defense.  Certainly there are many women out there perfectly capable of operating a shotgun properly, SHEAL Teams 1 & 2 come to mind.  Is a double-barreled scattergun fired into the air the best SD technique for anyone?  Umm, no.  Joe Biden should just shut his yap when it comes to guns, and only bloviate on topics he IS an expert on.  Like spending other people's money.  

Friday, January 11, 2013

Hey Joe, Don't Let These Facts Get In The Way....

I'm guessing that Mighty Joe and his merry band of gun control wonks don't really care much about facts.  Anyway, here's some more.



Thursday, November 8, 2012

Gee I Wish Obama was White!


You know devoted readers, I really wish Bronco Bama was white.  I'm really tired of every criticism of him and his big government socialistic policies somehow being racist.  I've seen some accusations that require  mental gymnastics with more spins and twists than a McKayla Maroney vault.  Granted there are some people out there making racist comments like:
  • At least I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean.
  • He is light-skinned African American with no Negro dialect.
Anyone who says something like that should be publicly shunned and should lose their jobs right?  Unfortunately, our fellow citizens decided that Joe Biden and Harry Reid deserve to keep their jobs.  Anyone who has any desire (and the stomach) to see a sample of how the "tolerant" left handles African Americans with whom they disagree, check out what they had to say about actress Stacey Dash on Twitter when she had the temerity to voice her support of Mitt Romney before the election. 

Fortunately, there are still a few intrepid Americans trying to educate our children about Obamanomics as Steven Crowder is doing in this hard-hitting video:



BUT WAIT!!!!!  How did I miss it!  He's wearing a brown bear costume.  You know... brown like African Americans have brown skin.  And a bear... you know that President Obama used to go by Barry. That's the most thinly veiled racist attack on the president I have ever seen!  I am embarrassed that I posted his video on my blog.  But rats!  I can't figure out how to delete it so it will have to stay.

Well, I guess I'll just have to live with four more years of The Crew and I being branded racists until 2016 when Hilary runs... and then we get to be sexist.  Buck up little campers.  At least it won't be boring.

Friday, October 12, 2012

SACSTW Reader's Brilliant Debate Analysis- Must Read!


So I sit down at my keyboard this morning to pound out some debate analysis.  I even got a draft done, full of SACSTW's usual snark and sarcasm.  Then I read something that Jill Miller, one of our great readers and frequent commenters, had written.  I was struck by Jill's insight into the mindset of the left, and immediately chucked my draft into the recycle bin.  Jill graciously gave me permission to share her brilliant analysis with the entire SACSTW community.  Enjoy.........

The Obama campaign was deeply rattled by the President's dismal performance in last week's debate.  The Dem assessment:  the President was too polite, not forceful enough, and allowed Romney to take command of the stage.  The plan: don't let that ever. happen. again.  [Note: they are always about style, not substance. Facts are subservient to The Narrative and The Intentions.]

The solution? Let Biden be Biden.  Bluster, filibuster, and wear his heart on his big veneered teeth sleeve.  Manners be ding-danged: interrupt whenever you can.  Plow over the top of whatever Ryan is trying to say, whether with physical reactions or a torrent of words.  Say something - anything - and put the LIberal Create-A-Fact (TM) stamp of approval on it: "and that. is. a. FACT!"(TM)

It appears to have worked on the liberal base, who think Joe won because he was more forceful and passionate.  This makes sense to them because, to the postmodern liberal, facts and outcomes are trumped by feelings and intentions.  But there remains a huge swath of people in this country who are in the middle - not devoutly conservative, yet not postmodern liberal either - and they were really put off by Biden's demeanor.  It's one thing for the guy on the street to bluster and wave his arms and laugh at his opponenet.  It's quite another for the guy who is one heartbeat away from the Oval Office to do it, particularly when he is the older, mature, experienced on doing it to a younger man.

The two political sides in this nation are deeply divided and you can get a good glimpse of the nature of that divide in the reaction to the debate.  

Conservatives see truth as objective and external, unchanged by point of view.  We value manners and ethics that calmly display an understanding of facts, and we value outcomes that produce a measurable result. 

Libs see truth as subjective and internal, varying with circumstance and situation.  They value emotion and "the heart", and judge by intentions rather than outcomes.

No wonder conservatives think Ryan won, and libs think Biden won.

- Jill Miller

There you have it folks.  Simply the best, most incisive analysis of last night's debate that you will find anywhere, by anyone.  Thanks again to Jill for allowing us to share her wisdom with everyone.  


~Awesome job Jill!  Great analysis.  Thanks for letting us post this.  *Sahib

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Veep Debate Vocabulary Primer




I know it's an unpopular train of thought with progressives, but words really do mean things.  Each and every day, the liberal statists try to corrupt our vocabulary, ramming their euphemisms down our throats in an attempt to disguise their contemptible strategies.  Expect that "dictionary distortion" to be on full display this evening during the Ryan-Biden debate.

Fear not SACSTW readers, here is a brief translation of socialist mumbo-jumbo into clear English for you to consult as you watch Joe Biden stagger his way through tonight's festivities.......


When Joe Says This              He Means This       

Revenue                                                   Taxes  (syn. your money)

Investment                                               Federal Spending (syn. your money)

Economic Stimulus                                 Federal Spending (syn. your money)

The Rich                                                  Middle-aged white businessmen  (syn. job creators)

Old Ideas                                                The founding principles of our country

Fundamentally Transform                          Destroy the founding principles of our country

Hope and Change                                       Destroy the founding principles of our country

Freedom of religion                                   Freedom from religion

Individual rights                                       What the federal government will allow you to do

Republicans                                            Demons (syn. baby starvers, old lady murderers)

Voters                                                  Unidentifiable humans who may or may not be legal citizens

Disenfranchised voters                            Unidentifiable humans who may or may not be dead

War on Women                                 Sandra Fluke should buy her own condoms


Enjoy the debate, it's always fun to watch Joe on live television!








Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Biden Slips The Leash in North Carolina


Vice-President (and great friend of SACSTW) Joe Biden really threw the bit today at a campaign stop in North Carolina.  In what can only be called a remarkable moment of lucidity, Dear Leader's running mate said this about his boss's term in office while commenting on Republican tax policy....

This is deadly earnest.  How they can justify--how they can justify raising taxes on the middle class that's been buried the last four years?

Now of course Republicans don't want to raise taxes on ANYONE, let alone the middle class.  It is Democratic refusal to extend the current tax rates that will result in a middle tax class hike.

What's more interesting is Joey's admission that under Barack Obama's leadership, the middle class has been "buried" the last four years.  I am delighted to completely agree with that characterization.  The failed presidency of Barack Obama has indeed buried the middle class, and it is now time for Joe and Dear Leader to quit throwing dirt on us.  Put the shovel down Joe, and back away slowly.

Most folks are calling Biden's comment a "gaffe".  I'm sure Dear Leader is calling it something else tonight.  Myself, I prefer to think of it as an all too rare dose of honesty from a member of the administration.  Too bad he isn't smart enough to realize what he said.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Ryan's Debate Practice Partner

As I was browsing the news stories on the NBC News website this morning, I saw this story title:  Ryan's Debate Practice Partner Chosen  I was totally surprised to hear that they had chosen former US solicitor general Ted Olsen.  This is who I would have thought would have been more appropriate:

He even looks like Biden

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Biden: Welcher as well as Plagiarist

I have this many Tootsie Rolls in my pocket!
There was a Fox News Story a couple of days ago about Smokin Joe Biden saying "male bovine excrement" at a recent campaign stop in Pennsylvania.  Having been an ardent Biden admirer for years, I thought "Why is this even a news story?  For Joe, this is a moment of incredible lucidity."  As I read further, I realized the author of the story missed a much more important point:  The vice president is not only a thinker of deep thoughts, orator of remarkable renown, and plagiarist, he is a welcher too!  Actually, the entire story is a perfect picture of the liberal politician thought processes.  I'll hit the highlights for you:

  • Joe drops in unannounced at a Shanksville (no, not a reference to Obama's golf game) Volunteer Fire Department's grill out session.  ~moocher
  • Joe was approached by Deputy Chief Brad Shober who showed him a challenge coin Joe had given him a year ago.  The coin Joe gave him came with the agreement that the next time they saw each other, whoever didn't have his coin had to by the beer.  ~empty promises
  • Of course, Joe didn't have his coin and guess what?  He didn't buy the beer! ~broken promises as well as being a welcher
  • Being caught without coin and refusing to honor his previous promise, he promises FUTURE beer if the guy and his buddies decide to drop by DC. ~Follows up broken empty promises, with more empty promises
Ahhhhhhh, liberal politicians... the group of people who made "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today" a campaign slogan.  As is customary whenever I read about the latest antics of the vice president of the most powerful nation the world has ever known, I wonder, "How did Obama and the DNC ever choose this guy to be Obama's VP?"  I think I know their reasoning.  I'll sum it up in a slogan:

"Joe Biden:  Better than Kevlar!  Able to stop an assassin's bullet before it leaves the barrel of the gun!"

Monday, September 10, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew


After taking a Labor Day break last week, MM is back!  This week I am heeding the old saw that a picture is worth a thousand words.  So.....on with the countdown!
  • Let's start with what is hands-down my favorite image of 2012 to date....

Evidently the Vice-Creeper was at an Ohio diner over the weekend when he decided to join some bikers at their table.  While Harley gal seems to be having fun, Biker 1 and Biker 2 appear less than amused.  Note to Joe-  The new season of Sons of Anarchy starts tomorrow night on FX.  You might want to watch a few episodes before you decide to spoon with some biker's old lady.  By the way, has anyone seen Joe today?

  • Back in the days of yore, a young Sahib and Crew used to saddle up Sahib's trusty scooter Flame, and cruise the highways and byways (well, at least the residential streets) of our youth.  Many times we made the famed Belinder Run, with Flame threatening to shake herself to pieces beneath us.  At no time during any of these joyrides did either Sahib and I fall asleep.  The same can not be said for the Russian woman in this video.....


Notice how the trusty scooter attempts to continue the mission without the pilot... Flame would be proud.

  • Not to be outdone, some boaters just down the lake from the Ozark headquarters of SACSTW took to the beautiful waters of the Lake of the Ozarks.  In my almost 48 years, I have spent thousands of hours on the Lake of the Ozarks.  I have never done this........


  • Remember the 1996 movie "Fly Away Home"?  Don't worry, nobody else does either.  In that heartwarming tale, Jeff Daniels and Anna Paquin starred as a father and daughter who fly an ultralight plane to teach a flock of orphaned geese how to migrate.  Now comes word from SACSTW's Moscow bureau that President Vladimir Putin is starring in the sequel, "Fly Away to the Lubyanka".  That wacky Vlad spent last week flying a motorized hang glider around Siberia, trying to teach some young cranes how to fly......

Unfortunately, he is also teaching the young birds how to prop up tinpot dictators around the globe.


Don't forget to like us on Facebook, and share your favorite SACSTW posts with your Facebook friends!  






Tuesday, August 14, 2012

More Civil Discourse From The Obama-Biden Campaign

I thought I would check in with the Obama-Biden 2012 campaign today, just to see what sort of calm, reasoned, and civil discourse they were engaging in.  Vice-President Joe Biden was in Virginia where he said this about Romney and the Republicans to an audience containing numerous black Americans.......


I am really starting to get concerned.  I mean, how in the world am I going to accomplish all that is expected from a middle-aged white conservative man?  Just in the next few days I need to whack a couple grannies, steal food from the mouths of babes, molest a couple kids on an airplane (more about that tomorrow), and now I find out I have to chain up a bunch of blacks and ship'em back to the Congo.  Don't these people know I have a job?  What do they think I am, an Obama voter?

On a more serious note, Biden's comments today rank right up there with the most vile and repulsive things to spew forth from the Democrat campaign, and brother, that is saying something.  What has happened to my country?

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Ryan Is Veep Choice, Crew Snubbed Again!




So I got the call late yesterday afternoon from the Romney campaign.  They thanked me for agreeing to be considered for the #2 slot on the GOP ticket, but said they were going with Paul Ryan instead.  Something about that Eddie Munster hair cut was just too good to pass up I guess.  I was mollified somewhat when they added "Crew, your work at SACSTW is just too important to the future of America to be distracted with being the Vice-President".

In all seriousness, the announcement this morning that Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan will be Romney's running mate is spectacularly encouraging news for this blogger.  Ryan is young (42), energetic, articulate, and oh by the way, brilliant!  Of course, as a white male conservative, I'm sure Dear Leader's campaign will paint Ryan as an evil woman-hating racist, but that is just standard operating procedure for the Democratic machine.

As chairman of the House Budget Committee, Ryan has been the conservative movement's point man in developing a plan to escape the morass of runaway deficits and grotesque federal spending.  He has offered a solid budget proposal ("The Path To Prosperity"), in stark opposition to the derelict U.S. Senate.  His enthusiasm, calm demeanor, and critical thinking skills make him a great choice to join the Romney campaign!

May I make a suggestion?  Mark October 11, 2012 on your calendar.  Keep that night free so you can watch the carnage that will be the Ryan-Biden Vice Presidential debate.  Somehow I don't think the smartest guy in Washington debating arguably the densest guy in Washington will be a fair fight, but it will be spectacular TV.   I am a little worried that Health and Human Services agents may try to arrest Ryan on charges of elder abuse in the midst of the debate, but it will still be a lot of fun.

Here's my prediction.  By the year 2028, as Paul Ryan's second term as President comes to an end, America will owe a great debt to the voters of Wisconsin who sent Ryan to Washington D.C. in the first place and allowed him to become a player on the national political scene.  Wisconsin......who da thunk it?

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Barack Hussein Obama: Better than Jesus!


The Argument is Compelling...


Chicago Jesus and his Acolytes
Is Chicago Jesus better than Nazarene Jesus? Maybe he is.  Please bear with me devoted readers. At first, I too was skeptical, but as I reviewed the life and legacy of this truly amazing man, it made me think twice. Follow along with me on his journey and you too may be converted.  The evidence submitted for your approval:

  • Nazarene Jesus:  First immaculate conception birth
  • Chicago Jesus:  First birth to occur in two places at the same time- Kenya and Hawaii
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Mary was pregnant before marrying Joseph
  • Chicago Jesus:  Stanley was pregnant before marrying Barack Sr.
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Died for our sins
  • Chicago Jesus:  Wants us to pay for our sins (real and imagined)
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Right-hand man Peter was always putting his foot in his mouth
  • Chicago Jesus:  Joe Biden.... Nuff said.
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Battles spiritual evil
  • Chicago Jesus:  Personally responsible for - Saving the American sea captain from Somali pirates, inventing the computer viruses that have plagued Iran, and the assassination of Osama Bin Laden
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Never had a girlfriend
  • Chicago Jesus:  Had a "compressed" girlfriend
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Had history books written about him
  • Chicago Jesus:  Had himself written into history books (actually, official White House website presidential biographies, but close enough)
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Multiplied the loaves and fishes
  • Chicago Jesus:  Increased the national debt by $5 trillion
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Took a 40 day 40 night vacation in the desert
  • Chicago Jesus:  Has taken 40 vacations and played 90 rounds of golf
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Abraham, Moses, Isaiah, and God are his mentors
  • Chicago Jesus:  Bill Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, and George Soros are his mentors
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Hung out with prostitutes, tax collectors, and other undesirables
  • Chicago Jesus:  Has $40,000 a plate fund-raisers with  Robert Downey Jr,. Sarah Jessica Parker, Cher, Jessica Alba, Sophia Bush, Jared Leto, Billy Crystal, Salma Hayek, Matthew Broderick, Ellen DeGeneres, Drew Barrymore, Vanessa Williams, Lady Gaga, Will Smith, Whoopi Goldberg, Jamie Foxx, Eva Longoria, Spike Lee, Al Green, Mariah Carey, Will Ferrell, Jim Belushi, Robert Di Nero, Don Cheadle, J.J. Abrams, Reese Witherspoon, Julia Roberts, Danny Devito, and billionaire Warren Buffett.. (OK, that one might be a wash.)
  • Nazarene Jesus:  Ministry on Earth lasted about 3 1/2 years
  • Chicago Jesus:  Devastation of the country lasted only 4 years
So dear readers, I think the evidence clearly shows that Chicago Jesus is superior to Nazarene Jesus.  Don't believe me?  Just ask him yourself.  I don't think he's on vacation or at a Hollywood fund-raiser today.  I think he's in HIS White House.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Cavernous Trachea Bombshell! Is Obama the Antichrist?


Last night as I was (belatedly) preparing my motorcycle for the riding season, I opened a saddlebag to store my new registration and proof of insurance.  In the bottom was a USB flash drive with a note attached.  It said: "Dear Sahib and The Crew, I have gone to great lengths risking life and limbs to provide you with this audio recording of Dear Leader Obama and his inner circle.  Please share this with your readers.  The world must know!  Your friend, CT."  I immediately contacted The Crew. Below is a transcript of what we heard.  It is truly terrifying.
BHO:  Welcome everyone.  Before we get started, what does everyone think of my new tat?  What?  Isn't it obvious?  It's Warren Buffet and George Soros making out.  Pretty cool huh?  
OK, let's get down to business.  I've come up with a plan that will accomplish the vast majority of our goals in one fell swoop.  Yes Joe?  No you can't turn on the Cartoon Network.  Please pay attention.  Like I was saying, I have a new plan.  Here are the basics:
  • It isn't fair that income tax is the only tax that is progressive, so we are making all taxes progressive.
  • Charitable contributions to groups and organizations deemed discriminatory will be taxed.  The people making the charitable contributions will pay the tax, not the group or organization receiving the contributions.
  • Financial transactions using currency and precious metals is out-dated and difficult for us to track.  I am eliminating physical US currency and making private ownership of precious metals illegal.  
Those are the basics.  We increase the number of people dependent on government support and play on their class envy by showing we are making the rich pay their fair share. This will also choke off funds to groups we find offensive and cause them to fade into oblivion. The masses will love it!  We'll be in power forever. Questions?  Yes Tim.
Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner (TG):   I get the gist of your plan, but am a little concerned how you plan to implement it.  Does everyone get like a government debit card that has their tax bracket and access to their financial accounts?  If so, how do we keep rich people from paying poor people to buy stuff for them using their lower bracket cards?  Also, what kind of groups would be considered "discriminatory"?
BHO:  Excellent questions Tim!  This is the beauty of my plan.  There are no cards. Each person has a programmable chip with their information embedded in their right hand.  If they don't have a right hand, it's embedded in their forehead.   No person-to-person financial transactions are allowed.  All payments for goods and services go through a federal transaction system.  Any suspicious transactions will be flagged and investigated. Violators will be imprisoned. 
As to your question about which groups would be considered discriminatory, the usual suspects.  You know the Boy Scouts, evangelical Christian denominations, the Salvation Army, the RNC etcetera, etcetera. Anyone else?  Yes, Hillary. 
Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC):  I'm a little concerned about public response to your plan. Having been often referred to as Lucifer's mistress, usually by Bill but by others as well, I am uniquely sensitive to certain religious parallels being drawn.  Aren't you worried about people referring to the chips as "the mark of the beast"?
Deep, slow, chuckle from BHO
BHO:  I'm sure there will be a few religious whackos that will make that comparison, but it's not like we're making everyone get 666 tattoos. (Another chuckle) Next question. Yes, Debbie. 
DNC Chairperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (DWS):  How did you come up with the plan and what are you going to call the new federal agency to oversee it?
BHO:  The plan was told to me by the voice behind the glowing red... I mean I thought of it myself. The new agency will be called the department of  State Annuity Transactions And Numeration.
Well, that's enough questions for this evening.  We'll iron out the details later.  Stanley's (Obama's unicorn) been waiting patiently this whole time for our evening ride on the South Lawn.
This was the end of the recording.  After listening to the recording with The Crew, and waiting for my terror level to diminish, I went back out to my motorcycle to look for more clues as to CT's identity.  I noticed some drops of liquid that at first looked like motor oil.  On closer inspection, it was oil, but not motor oil.  I'm no expert, but I think it was crude oil.  Hmmmmm...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Cavernous Trachea Returns! Obama Letter to Karl Marx


The Crew spent a relaxing weekend in the SACSTW secret Ozark compound.  As he opened his tackle box to do a little early morning fishing, he found a now-familiar envelope with a note attached.  The note said, "I hope you enjoy BHO's latest epistle to his role-model and hero, Karl Marx.  Dear Leader seems a little frazzled. Your friend, CT."  He transmitted the text to me through the SACSTW satellite up-link.  I hope you enjoy it as much as we did:
Dear Karl,
I'm at my wits end!  It's not my fault.  What's with the gag-order from above?  I'm just following the Saul Alinsky play-book as closely as I can.  I mean why are George and Warren insisting that I quit speaking in public?  They want to see more Joe Biden?  I realize they see him as assassination insurance.  Holder put it best when he said, "Joe Biden can stop a bullet from leaving the barrel of a gun just by opening his mouth.  Joe's lunacy is more protection than three inches of Kevlar."  But why do they want me to stop speaking from the heart?  There's no way that Mittens can beat me.  
America NEEDS me to sympathize with them.  Americans don't want freedom. They want protection.  They don't want liberty.  They want comfort.  They don't want sacrifice. They want fairness.  I am just providing avenues by my words and deeds to give them what they want.
So what if I called to commiserate with Sandra Fluke but not Bridget Palin?  Who cares that I said my beloved fictitious son looks just like Trayvon Martin and ignored my other fictitious sons when they set fire to a young boy in KCMO.  (Heh, pulled some strings and you can't even find the story on the Kansas City Star's website anymore.)  What difference does it make if I tell the Supreme Court to back off and keep its mitts off my healthcare power grab?  People want me to take care of them.
Like I told my old buddy Meddy, once I've finished off Mittens this fall, I'll have more "flexibility".  That was pretty smooth of me.  A couple more like-minded justices and I won't have to worry about that pesky "constitution" interfering with my plans to fundamentally transform America.
Hey!  There's Stanley, my unicorn, here for our evening ride on the south lawn.  He shows up now even without those wonderful shots they used to give me.  They do insist that I eat my pudding however...  Oh well Karl, thanks for listening.  Gotta fly!
Your undying fan,
Barry 

Just like in Sahib Jr.'s backpack, The Crew found gum drops next to the letter in his tackle box.  Hmmm....

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Military History 101 With Professor Biden

Vice-President Biden (aka The Gift That Keeps Giving) was at a re-election campaign stop in New Jersey this week when he broke out this little gem about the raid on bin Laden's Pakistani compound.
 "You can go back 500 years.  You cannot find a more audacious plan. Never knowing for certain.  We never had more than a 48% probability that bin Laden was there."

Uhh, what?  Did our Vice-President really refer to the bin Laden raid as the most audacious military action in the last 500 years?  Before you libs scratch a Grand Canyon size furrow in your melon, let's define audacious...
from dictionary.com.....Audacious:  extremely bold or daring, recklessly brave, fearles; Synonyms (that means words with the same meaning Professor Biden): courageous ,intrepid, dauntless, venturesome

I have no problem using any and all of those words to describe the men who carried out the raid on bin Laden, but to credit Dear Leader with the "most audacious plan of the last 500 years" is really a bit much, even for the human hyperbola Joe Biden.  Yeah yeah, I know.  Just look it up yourselves.  

The Crew would like to humbly offer a couple examples of "audacious" military actions of the past that Professor Biden might want to learn about....

  • June 6, 1944:  The invasion of Normandy involved landing 160,000 troops, and required the services of an additional 195,000 naval personnel and 5,000 vessels.  Oh yeah, it resulted in the freeing of a entire continent from Nazi (the real ones) tyranny.
  • Dec. 25, 1776:  General George Washington and his ragtag Continental Army cross the Delaware River under cover of night to surprise the Hessian troops at Trenton, New Jersey.  I understand that General Washington went on to have a nice career in politics, but according to Dear Leader he didn't make the top 4 Presidents of all time.  Seriously.....here's the video.
SACSTW readers, here is the first quiz from Professor Biden's Military History 101 class:

Which of the great military leaders pictured below is the most bold, daring, brave, and fearless?




Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Cavernous Trachea Strikes Again! Obama Letter to Karl Marx


Just when The Crew and I had thought we had heard the last of Cavernous Trachea, it happened again.  I was pulling the daily school planner out of Sahib Jr.'s backpack and I found an envelope addressed to SACSTW.  In the envelope was a letter with a post-it-note on it.  The post-it-note said, "Hello gentlemen!  Here is the latest missive from Dear Leader Obama to his hero and inspiration, Karl Marx.  Enjoy! Your friend, CT "  This was the letter enclosed:
Dear Karl,
I don't care what anyone says!  I did NOT have another "episode".  Maybe my celebration was a little excessive, but once again my actions were misinterpreted.  I probably shouldn't have done my Yosemite Sam imitation, snatched that Secret Service agent's gun out of his holster, and started shooting holes into the ceiling of the Oval Office, but I was just so darn excited.  Things are really starting to come together.  
Joe hasn't said anything incredibly stupid in the last 24 hours. (I wonder if he's in the country.) Moochelle is planning another vacation and is going to be on Leno so she hasn't been nagging me about smoking.  The republicans are beating the crap out of each other in the primaries.  Breitbart's death has delayed the release of his "Obama Gone Wild" video series at least for a while.  Life is good!  But you know what Karl?  That's not what really has me revved up.  I have accomplished two things I thought would never happen in my presidency. 
My two biggest enemies, Rush Limbaugh and Benjamin Netanyahu, have really screwed the pooch.  I think I've really snowed Bibi about Iran.  I think I've lulled him into complacency by repeating "Give negotiations a chance! Give sanctions a chance!" over and over again.  I never thought he would buy it, but I believe he has.  He has to keep the rhetoric up to assuage his constituency, but I think I can stall him long enough that Iran will have nukes before Israel feels they have to preemptively strike.  I am SO smart.  But he's just the little Satan.  I've scored my biggest victory against the Great Satan, Rush Limbaugh.
I can't believe Rush fell for DNC plant, "23" year old Sandra Fluke.  I mean it was SOOOO obvious.  She's a Cornell graduate for Pete's sake, and that's where I "went" to college. (Hee, hee, hee) Wait, no, I "went" to Columbia.  Oh well, whatever.  She was perfect with her "cherished" friend who lost her ovary due to the pernicious policies of the Georgetown administration.  I can't believe no one thought to ask why such a champion of female contraceptive rights wouldn't chip in a few bucks a month to help a "cherished" friend in dire medical straights. Or why didn't her anonymous friend go to Planned Parenthood or any of the multiple free clinics in DC?  Stupid conservatives.  And then Rush takes the bait hook, line, and sinker by calling her a slut and prostitute.  I couldn't get the talking points off the Media Matters fast enough.  Five dollar a gallon gas, trafficking guns to Mexican drug cartels, the Volt going belly up, more "green" energy companies propped up by federal loans failing, who cares?  Rush obliquely called someone a slut.  This has been the best week ever.
Well Karl, I have to go.  The doctors won't give me any more of those B12 shots that make me feel so good.  Eric Holder has to sneak them to me down in the kitchen.  If I don't take them, my unicorn, Stanley, doesn't show up for our evening rides on the South Lawn.  Thanks for letting me share my awesome news with you.
Your friend, 
Barry
 I dug through Sahib Jr.'s backpack looking for more clues as to the identity of Cavernous Trachea.  All I found were some gumdrops in the bottom of his backpack.  Sahib Jr. hates gumdrops.  Hmmmmm....



Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Dear Karl: Obama Letters to Karl Marx



As the Crew and I were leaving the SACSTW secret underground command bunker one recent afternoon, we heard a slight scuffling noise behind us.  With cat-like reflexes we spun and drew down on a shadowy figure lingering behind a tree.  In an obviously digitally altered voice he/she said, “You have nothing to fear from me.  In fact, I have something that might interest you greatly.”  At this point, the figure tossed a bundle of what appeared to be papers at our feet.  “What’s that?”  The Crew Asked.  “Letters.  Letters from Obama to his hero” the figure replied.  “Who’s his hero?” I asked.  “Just read the letters.  They explain everything.”  As the figure disappeared in the fog I yelled after him/her, “Who are you?”  The figure replied, “Just call me… Cavernous Trachea” and he/she was gone. 

The Crew and I quickly repaired to the command center to read the letters.  This is the first one:

“Dear Karl,
 I don’t know why I’m writing you.  This seems silly.  The doctors are totally over-reacting to my little ‘episode’.  I mean everybody needs to blow off steam once in a while right?  Running naked though the West Wing screaming, “Spiders!  Spiders are eating my brain!” was just my way of blowing off steam.  And I really wasn’t going to impale Joe Biden on that fireplace poker.  I was just messing with him.  Nobody can take a joke around here.
 So I guess writing you is supposed to be a more ‘reasonable’ way to deal with my frustrations.  They told me to write a letter to my biggest hero and most influential person in my life.  You were my first and only choice.  So Karl, help me out here.  Everyone’s against me.  Moochelle (she almost caught me calling her that) has been on a spending spree that would make Paris Hilton jealous, Reggie abandoned me, the republicans are catching on to my tricks, and I think my new Mao Zedong tat is infected.  I can’t put any weight on my left cheek at all.  Everyone around me is bummed too.  Even my best buddy, Mr. Teleprompter, is off his game.  Last week in my state of the union address, he just kept repeating the same exact lines from his…  I mean my old speeches.  And the worst thing… no one in my entire administration can think of a  single new euphemism for taxes.  We’ve used them all up.  Darn that vast right-wing conspiracy for trying to wake the chumps… I mean people, up.
 You know what Karl?  I think the doctors were right.  I do feel better!  I’m sure it has nothing to do with that shot they gave me about 20 minutes ago.  They told me it was just a B12 booster for energy.  Oh well, I better go. Stanley, my pet unicorn, just came into my bedroom.  It’s time for our ride on the South Lawn.
 I’ll write you again soon!

Your friend,
Barry”

After reading the letter, The Crew and I went outside to where we had seen the shadowy figure to look for clues as to his/her identity.  The leaves and brush were disturbed where the figure had been standing, but we saw nothing else.  As we were walking away, The Crew exclaimed, “Hey!  What’s that?”  He picked up what looked like piece of scrap paper.  On closer inspection we discovered it was a receipt:

Agent Provocateur
133 Mercer St.
New York, NY 10012
$47,356.78

Hmmmmm….

*Editor's note:  Another great idea brought to you by SACSTW creative consultant Brian Holyfield - @Holyfield67

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

This Guy is Really our Vice President?

Joe pulling another gem from his brain
While or president is preparing to vacation (at a 4 million dollar taxpayer expense) in Asia (Hawaii, the 58th or 59th state), the attention of Sahib and Crew turns to our esteemed vice president and quote machine, Joe Biden.

After his most recent pearl of wisdom, "The Taliban per se is not our enemy", I have only one question.  Are you kidding me!?  OK, make that two questions.  How did anyone vote for a presidential ticket that included this moron?  I mourn the lack of logic and reason in this country.  This guy is a heart-beat from the presidency!  The libs were nervous about the possibility of Dan Quayle becoming president?  Dan Quayle is Winston Churchill compared to this guy.

To give our lib friends a comparison they might understand, take the craziest pieces of Ross Perot and Ron Paul, mix in the moral laxness of Spiro Agnew, and add the combined intelligence of Maxine Waters and a box of rocks.  The results would be something slightly less disturbing than Joe Biden.  Just in case you have forgotten, here are a few Joe Biden "highlights":

  • His unabashed plagiarism of Prime Minister candidate Neil Kinnock's entire life along with speeches from Robert Kennedy and Hubert Humphrey.
  • "Our next president... Barack America!"
  • "Stand up Chuck, let em see ya!"  to Senator Chuck Graham who is in a wheelchair.
  • "Look, John's plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle-class, and it happens to be, as Barack say, a three-letter word, jobs. J O B S, jobs" 
  • His assertion that if the president's latest "jobs" plan wasn't passed that there would be an increase in rapes and murders.
  • "When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened." 
  • "You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.... I'm not joking."
  • And of course, the aforementioned "The Taliban per se is not our enemy."
Come on America!  You know better and we can DO better than this next year.  In 2012, lets kick our Dear Leader and his court jester to the curb.