Monday Musings

One of our many hallowed traditions here at SACSTW is Monday Musings with the Crew.  Let's face it, Mondays suck...so I try to gather up a few little nuggets of blazing insanity from over the weekend to get your week off to a good start.  Let's dive right in..

•  In what can only be described as the ultimate indictment of the left, Debbie Wasserman Schulz is still the chairman of the Democrat National Committee.  She had an interesting weekend on the talk show circuit, as first Tingles Matthews and then Chuck Todd asked her to explain the difference between a Democrat (Hillary Clinton) and a Socialist (Bernie Sanders). She ignored the question, instead "focusing" on the difference between Democrats and Republicans....

the difference between Democrats and Republicans is that Democrats want to make sure that people have the opportunity to climb the ladder of success and reach the middle class--
Debbie Wasserman Schulz 

          

           What DWS failed to mention is that the ladder of success can be climbed in both directions.  

           Her party is most interested in helping people reach the middle class by climbing DOWN that

           ladder. One of SACSTW's intrepid field reporters caught up with Ms. Wasserman Schulz to 

           ask her to elaborate..

          

• On Wednesday of this week, doctors at the Tufts University School of Veterinary Medicine will fit a chicken named Cecily with a $2,500 prosthetic leg.  Cecily's owner is paying for the procedure out of pocket.  Seems reasonable, after all you don't eat a great chicken like Cecily all at once.

• No matter how bad your weekend was, it was likely better than Colin Corkhill's.  The 26 year old Arizona man was jailed over the weekend on a number of charges.  He is now hospitalized after pulling his right eyeball out with his fingers in the jail.  Interestingly, all the TVs in the jail were tuned to MSNBC at the time of the ocular extraction.  Been there my friend...

• Looks like Piers Morgan, Michael Bloomberg, Barack Obama and the rest of the gun control

  

  FYI, Amy is in the foreground

  whackadoodles can stand down.  Over the weekend, actress Amy Schumer made this comment about gun violence..."don't worry, I'm on it.  You'll see."  Schumer's movie Trainwreck was playing in the Louisiana theater that John Houser shot up last month.  She is also the star of something called "Inside Amy Schumer".  Uh, no thanks.

• For all of us here at SACSTW, I'd like to say...Run Joe, Run!

Down Goes Obama, Down Goes Obama!

Overhead view of the debate stage as Jim Lehrer checks on the President

I've seen a lot of beatdowns in my life.  I saw Mike Tyson bludgeon Michael Spinks into dreamland in the first round in 1988.  I saw Jordan hit that jumper over Craig Ehlo,  I saw the 49ers manhandle the Broncos 55-10 in Super Bowl XXIV.  Now I have to add Romney-Obama I to my list of the all-time greatest routs.  Dennis Miller had the best line of the night when he said "Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered under Obamacare".

Romney came out from the get go loaded with facts, truth, and the courage to face down the President of the United States.  After striding out onto the stage with his usual supercool demeanor, President Obama's body language changed to that of a Labrador puppy who tore up the furniture while his owner was at work once Romney started to work him over.  Guess what Barry, the owners are home, and we're pissed about the mess you have made of our house!  Bad President!  Bad President!

Even with moderator Jim Lehrer holding his hand through some of the tough spots, the President looked like that debate stage was the LAST place in the world he wanted to be.  Well maybe, the second to last place.  If you think that Mitt was tough on Obama during the debate, how do you think Weezy treated him during the flight home?

The one recurring theme of Mr. Obama's presentation was that profits are bad.  He demonized profit making in the oil industry, banking, Wall Street, healthcare, you name it.  Romney was having none of it.  My favorite moment came when he made a not very subtle suggestion that Lehrer update his resume because federal funding of PBS is going away very soon!

Romney was sincere, with just the right amount of gravitas and personality.  Obama was a sulking teenager who realizes the game is up.  Several pundits are wondering based on his performance whether Obama really wants to serve another term in office.  I think there may be some truth behind that theory.  Maybe Dear Leader is looking forward to the $50,000 a pop lecture circuit that is awaiting him.

I really only have one regret from last night.   Where was this Mitt Romney in 2008?  This Mitt Romney would have mopped the floor with Senator Granddad in the primaries, and made the name Barack Obama a footnote in the history textbooks.  Maybe this Mitt Romney could have saved our country a lot of the pain and suffering of the last four years.  Better late than never.

Now in case you think I'm just crowing about my guy's performance from an ideological standpoint, I'll leave you with what Chris "the Tingle is Gone" Matthews had to say.....

Late Breaking Update!   Al Gore explains President's poor performance.....must watch!

Black Bishop Slams Chris Matthews

The SACSTW Time Machine Returns

Chris (Tingles) Matthew's new tattoo.

Back in January, the SACSTW Physics Department put the finishing touches on our new time machine prototype.  Unfortunately, it was only operational long enough to let us see a partial Chris Matthews' interview with Barack Obama after Tim Tebow is inaugurated as president next January. 

The good news is that the boys in R&D got the time machine back up and running.  The bad news is that we used it for another Chris (Tingles) Matthews interview.  This time however; we went back in time instead of forward. In fact we went back just one day to help Bishop Harry Jackson prepare for his Chris Matthews Hardball interview.

Harry Jackson is a black bishop who has spoken out against gay marriage and was on Hardball yesterday.  Many of you have read about it or seen the video clip.  But for those of you who missed it, here are the highlights:

TINGLES MATTHEWS: Do you think he (Jesus) would have been chasing after the kid with long hair and cutting his hair or he would have been the one protecting the kid with long hair in high school?

BISHOP HARRY JACKSON: He would have been protecting the kid with long hair.

MATTHEWS: Right. I thought so. But you're with the guy who was going after the kid with long hair.

JACKSON: No, no, no. I'm not necessarily with him right now.

MATTHEWS: Oh, you're not with Romney?

JACKSON: I'm not with Romney at this point. I want to say something about righteousness and justice. The Bible talks very clearly about how righteousness, which is like personal morality and holiness. It also talks about justice. What's broken in American politics is that the Democrats think they own social justice. The Republicans think they own righteousness, but the Bible doesn't take righteousness or justice, it takes righteousness and justice.

Later in the interview 

JACKSON: Why not let the Muslims have polygamy and bigamy?

MATTHEWS: Mr. Bishop, I hope you evolve. Thank you very much. I'm just teasing.

JACKSON: That's all right.

The Crew and I zipped back to yesterday morning before the interview and filled in Bishop Jackson on what to expect from Tingles Matthews.  This is how the interview went the second time:

TINGLES MATTHEWS: Do you think he (Jesus) would have been chasing after the kid with long hair and cutting his hair or he would have been the one protecting the kid with long hair in high school?

BISHOP HARRY JACKSON: He (Jesus) would have been protecting the kid with long hair.  He also would have been with the little girl that President Obama pushed and bullied when he was in school. And with all the babies murdered by abortions whole-heartedly supported by President Obama.  And with the millions of people who have lost their jobs and gone on food stamps since Obama became president.

MATTHEWS: Uhhhhhhh. But you're with the guy who was going after the kid with long hair.

JACKSON: Yes, there is absolutely no way I could ever again support Barack Obama for president.  

MATTHEWS: Oh, you're with Romney?

JACKSON: I'm with Romney at this point. I want to say something about righteousness and justice. The Bible talks very clearly about how righteousness, which is like personal morality and holiness. It also talks about justice. What's broken in American politics is that the Democrats think they own social justice. The Republicans think they own righteousness, but the Bible doesn't take righteousness or justice, it takes righteousness and justice.

Later in the interview  

JACKSON: Why not let the Muslims have polygamy and bigamy?

MATTHEWS: Mr. Bishop, I hope you evolve. Thank you very much. I'm just teasing.

JACKSON: Evolve into what Chris?  Evolve into the man (BHO) you so clearly adore?  Evolve into a man who doesn't have to guts to stand for his convictions except when they're politically expedient?  A man that was for gay marriage, then against gay marriage, and now for it again?  This man is the top of your evolutionary pyramid?

MATTHEWS: Uhhhh, that's all we have time for today.  Thank you very much.  I'm now going  back to my dressing room to curl up into the fetal position.  

Wow, am I glad we have a time machine!  That was really fun.  Unfortunately, it's really expensive to run so devoted SACSTW readers might have to wait a while before we can fire it up again.

2013 Obama Interview: A Peek into the Future

Chris's legs have lost that loving feeling...

The SACSTW Physics Department having completed work on its time machine prototype has had its very first glimpse into the future.  We have some bad news and some great news.  The bad news is the first message from the future is a Chris Matthews’ interview with Obama.  The great news is that Obama lost the 2012 election.  The following is a partial transcript of the interview from February 1, 2013:

CM:  Mr. President, thank you very much for your time.  In know this must be a difficult time for you.
BO:  …………………….
CM:  Mr. President?
BO:  ……………………
CM:  Mr. President, I know you are upset.  Please talk to me.
BO:  Oh, hi Chris.  I didn’t notice you there.  When did you come in?
CM:  Mr. President, we have been setting up for an hour.
BO:  Oh, sorry.  Hey!  Since when have you been in a wheelchair?
CM:  **Sob** It happened on election night.  When the early election returns looked favorable for you, my legs were tingling and jumping around like Charlie Sheen on a three day meth bender.  But when you gave your concession speech 15 minutes later, they went completely numb.  I haven’t had feeling in them since.  But enough about me… How are you getting along now that you are out of office?
BO:  ……………………
CM:  Mr. President?
BO:  Sorry Chris.  Since when have you been in a wheelchair?
CM:  Don’t worry about my troubles Mr. President.  How are YOU doing?
BO:  Well Chris, to be honest… not so hot.  The girls aren’t speaking to me, I’ve had to eat that crap the Michelle tried to force on school kids, and Reggie won’t return my calls.  I think he’s found someone new.  And you know the worst part Chris?
CM:  What’s that Mr. President?
BO:  I’ve only been able to play about 15 rounds of golf!
CM:  But Mr. President, you’ve only been out of office 11 days…
BO:  Yes, but they’ve all been rounds on **sob**, local courses!
CM:  The horror!
BO:  Warren and George have been making fun of me.
*editor’s note:  Warren Buffett and George Soros
CM: So how do you think the new president will fare?
BO:  How will he fare?!?! HOW WILL HE FARE!?!?  He’s friggin Tim Tebow!
CM:  I know, it is a little amazing…
BO:  Amazing?  AMAZING?  Friggin miraculous is what it is… if I believed in that sort of thing.  The guy farts unicorns and pukes lollipops.  First he wins the Super Bowl**, and then his fans get the 28th amendment to the constitution passed in six weeks lowering the minimum age for the presidency, and then the day after he is inaugurated Iran surrenders to Israel!  Gas prices are down, unemployment is down, Obamacare has been repealed, and the republicans balanced the budget in six days!
CM:  I know, it’s very disturbing.
BO:  If things keep going like this, Tebow and the republicans will have America an unassailable superpower again by the end of the year.  HE”S UNDOING EVERYTHING WE WORKED FOR!
CM:  Mr. President. please calm down.  You are going to give yourself a heart attack.
BO:  I won’t calm down!  And the running mate he picked!  I can’t believe he picked……..

At this point, the SACSTW time machine prototype experienced technical difficulties.  Once our scientists get it back up and running, we’ll try and get you the rest of the interview.  Suffice it to say, we were very encouraged by what we heard.  It just goes to show you how bad Obama is that Sahib and the Crew would prefer a Florida Gator/ Denver Broncos quarterback over Obama.

*Sahib and the Crew would like to thank our good friend and Crew Member Emeritus Brian @Holyfield67 for the idea for this post.  We hope you enjoy it Brian!


**Sahib and the Crew are not responsible for gambling losses based on SACSTW time machine predictions.  Sahib and the Crew do however expect a 10% vig on any gambling wins based on SACSTW time machine predictions.  We're kind of like the IRS that way....