Showing posts with label Charlie Sheen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Charlie Sheen. Show all posts

Monday, July 16, 2012

Monday Musings With The Crew


Folks, I tell ya, some days this blog just writes itself.  Shall we begin?

Tryouts at Saudi Olympic Headquarters
  • Saudi Arabia has announced they will be sending 2 female athletes to the Summer Olympics for the first time in the history of the Kingdom.  Initially they were to compete in beach volleyball, but they kept tripping over their burkas when trying to serve the ball.  The Saudi Olympic Committee has decided the women will be entered in this year's newest Olympic sport.....stoning.  
  • Music fans in London's Hyde Park area were more than a little miffed when local authorities pulled the plug on a recent concert during the encore.  The reason....the show had run longer than the 3 hours the city council had alotted to it.  So, off with the sound.  That's what nanny state governmental intrusion has in store for this country!  Heck, it really wasn't that big of deal.  I mean, it was only a concert by a couple of no-name hacks...... Bruce Springsteen and Sir Paul McCartney.  The cozy little crowd of 76,000 was not amused. 

Why, she could be Mary Poppins!

  • Charlie Sheen just can't get a break.  All he wanted to do was hire Lucy Treadway to be a nanny for his kids, when the ex-wife Brooke Mueller nixed the idea.  Why?  The erstwhile governess was "too hot".  Come on Brooke, one look at Lucy's picture and you can see she just exudes responsibility and integrity, and poses no risk to anyone's vows.  In fact, I have contacted Lucy about caring for my two boys.  Being 16 and 20 years old, they are quite enthusiastic about the prospects of Lucy joining the Crew's household!
  • Finally there's this.  The Voter Participation Center is a group that targets likely Democrats who are unregistered.  The VPC then sends out a voter registration packet to them.  According to hotair.com, recipients of the packets include Rosie Charlston, a Labrador Retriever who died in 1998, Scampers the cat from Virginia, a deceased dog named Mozart, as well as actual human beings who are no longer above ground.  Page Gardner, president of the VPC, published a statement in response to the report at the group's website, www.voterparticipation.org.  Ms. Gardner's statement is the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time (SACSTW posts excluded of course)!  The heartfelt earnestness tinged with liberal indignation meant I could not get past the first paragraph without bursting into maniacal laughter.   Try it yourself......
The mission of the Voter  Participation Center is to register qualified voters- NOT (emphasis hers) dogs and cats.  Pets cannot submit voter registration applications and they cannot vote- which seems to be news to some people, given all the attention some small number of pets receiving a voter registration application has received.  
The story isn't that dogs vote- something that cannot happen- it's about the people who cannot.

Hey look, this is actually great news.  Now we can put an end to the controversy over voter ID legislation, and everybody just use your rabies tag!

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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

2013 Obama Interview: A Peek into the Future


Chris's legs have lost that loving feeling...


The SACSTW Physics Department having completed work on its time machine prototype has had its very first glimpse into the future.  We have some bad news and some great news.  The bad news is the first message from the future is a Chris Matthews’ interview with Obama.  The great news is that Obama lost the 2012 election.  The following is a partial transcript of the interview from February 1, 2013:

CM:  Mr. President, thank you very much for your time.  In know this must be a difficult time for you.
BO:  …………………….
CM:  Mr. President?
BO:  ……………………
CM:  Mr. President, I know you are upset.  Please talk to me.
BO:  Oh, hi Chris.  I didn’t notice you there.  When did you come in?
CM:  Mr. President, we have been setting up for an hour.
BO:  Oh, sorry.  Hey!  Since when have you been in a wheelchair?
CM:  **Sob** It happened on election night.  When the early election returns looked favorable for you, my legs were tingling and jumping around like Charlie Sheen on a three day meth bender.  But when you gave your concession speech 15 minutes later, they went completely numb.  I haven’t had feeling in them since.  But enough about me… How are you getting along now that you are out of office?
BO:  ……………………
CM:  Mr. President?
BO:  Sorry Chris.  Since when have you been in a wheelchair?
CM:  Don’t worry about my troubles Mr. President.  How are YOU doing?
BO:  Well Chris, to be honest… not so hot.  The girls aren’t speaking to me, I’ve had to eat that crap the Michelle tried to force on school kids, and Reggie won’t return my calls.  I think he’s found someone new.  And you know the worst part Chris?
CM:  What’s that Mr. President?
BO:  I’ve only been able to play about 15 rounds of golf!
CM:  But Mr. President, you’ve only been out of office 11 days…
BO:  Yes, but they’ve all been rounds on **sob**, local courses!
CM:  The horror!
BO:  Warren and George have been making fun of me.
*editor’s note:  Warren Buffett and George Soros
CM: So how do you think the new president will fare?
BO:  How will he fare?!?! HOW WILL HE FARE!?!?  He’s friggin Tim Tebow!
CM:  I know, it is a little amazing…
BO:  Amazing?  AMAZING?  Friggin miraculous is what it is… if I believed in that sort of thing.  The guy farts unicorns and pukes lollipops.  First he wins the Super Bowl**, and then his fans get the 28th amendment to the constitution passed in six weeks lowering the minimum age for the presidency, and then the day after he is inaugurated Iran surrenders to Israel!  Gas prices are down, unemployment is down, Obamacare has been repealed, and the republicans balanced the budget in six days!
CM:  I know, it’s very disturbing.
BO:  If things keep going like this, Tebow and the republicans will have America an unassailable superpower again by the end of the year.  HE”S UNDOING EVERYTHING WE WORKED FOR!
CM:  Mr. President. please calm down.  You are going to give yourself a heart attack.
BO:  I won’t calm down!  And the running mate he picked!  I can’t believe he picked……..

At this point, the SACSTW time machine prototype experienced technical difficulties.  Once our scientists get it back up and running, we’ll try and get you the rest of the interview.  Suffice it to say, we were very encouraged by what we heard.  It just goes to show you how bad Obama is that Sahib and the Crew would prefer a Florida Gator/ Denver Broncos quarterback over Obama.

*Sahib and the Crew would like to thank our good friend and Crew Member Emeritus Brian @Holyfield67 for the idea for this post.  We hope you enjoy it Brian!


**Sahib and the Crew are not responsible for gambling losses based on SACSTW time machine predictions.  Sahib and the Crew do however expect a 10% vig on any gambling wins based on SACSTW time machine predictions.  We're kind of like the IRS that way....