Hollywood HOs: Alicia Silverstone

And you thought Morgan Freeman dating his granddaughter was creepy...

Hollywood HOs

WARNING:  Do NOT read this while eating your breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snack!  In fact, after reading this, you probably won't want to eat for a week.

I know SACSTW fans expected this week's Hollywood Hall of Shame winner to be either Spike Lee or Roseanne Barr.  In most weeks, you would have been correct.  No devoted readers, this week's winner put the EWWWWWW in spew.  This week's Hollywood HOs winner is Alicia Silverstone.

As if naming her spawn Bear Blu wasn't bad enough, she premasticates for her 10 month old son. (For KCMO public school students - Mastication:   The process by which food is chewed or ground by teeth.)  Premastication is where the food is chewed by one person and then spit into the mouth of another.  Apparently, things have not been going well career-wise for Ms. Silverstone and she cannot afford a blender or food processor.  For those of you with a stout heart and iron stomach, you can view the video below:



Here's what Ms. Silverstone, a vegan, had to say about this on her website:

"I just had a delicious breakfast of miso soup, collards and radish steamed and drizzled with flax oil, cast iron mochi with nori wrapped outside, and some grated daikon. Yum! I fed Bear the mochi and a tiny bit of veggies from the soup…from my mouth to his. It’s his favorite...and mine. He literally crawls across the room to attack my mouth if I’m eating. This video was taken about a month or 2 ago when he was a bit wobbly. Now he is grabbing my mouth to get the food!"

She had me at "drizzled with flax oil"...  I really hope she is putting away the money she is saving by not buying MEAT to pay for the decades of therapy this poor boy is going to need.  Ms. Silverstone, and I speak for everyone, please make any future movies/videos in which you star... "Spewless".  I shudder to think the process she used to breastfeed.

Now that we are all indelibly scarred, I hope everyone has a wonderful meat-filled weekend.  But please, everyone chew for themselves.

Young, Wild, and Naked: A Deadly Threat!

Hello devoted readers!  I know that you clicked on the link to this blog post to see naked, ax-wielding supermodels, or because you were thinking "What did Morgan Freeman do now?"  Here you go. Sort of...   (Sorry, this blog safe viewing for everyone but liberals.)

Beautiful and Deadly! (not)

Titillating and scary sells.  How else could we have such venerable Hollywood classics like "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers"?  So if I had titled this post "The Hidden Dangers of Federal Regulation", would you have clicked on it?  I know I wouldn't have.  It would have met with a yawn and a "Pass!"

Americans suck at evaluating risk.  You are three times more likely to die from tipping over a vending machine than from a shark attack, but I must have missed the "When Snacks Attack!" special on the Discovery channel during Vending Machine Week

Here is a picture of something a million times deadlier than the attractive young lady above.  If your children are near, shield their eyes.

Code of Federal Regulations Books:  Boring and Deadly (VERY)

New federal laws are the sexy ax-wielding Victoria's Secrets models riding a shark.  Federal regulation is the vending machine tipping over on you after you've had a heart attack from high blood pressure.  Let me illustrate with an example currently in the news.

There's a relatively new law of which you may have heard.  We lovingly refer to it as Obamacare.  It was the cause of much brouhaha and ballyhoo.  What you may not know is that it is packed with HIPAA regulations that will cost billions to implement.  These are not part of the obese monstrosity that is already the law.  These are "add-ons".  These regulations get ZERO press.  New regulations, departmental "guidelines", and level of enforcement are everything.  With the right regs and enforcement, you can make just about any law mean anything you want.

Recently however; the Obama administration has inexplicably tipped its hand.  Feeling 50 foot tall and bullet-proof because they hadn't been previously taken to task, they decided they were up to tangling with the Catholic Church.  Obamacare forces employer provided healthcare plans to include contraceptive coverage as part of those plans.  As per Obama administration instructions to HHS, the scope of religious exemptions is to be very narrow and enforcement to be vigilant.  Needless to say, Catholics around the country (including Obama supporters) are not amused.

The moral of this tale dear readers, is that elections matter.  Who the president is matters. Not in the sexy veto, state-of-the-union, commander-in-chief sort of way, but in the boring departmental and lower-court appointee way. Obama must go!  If Mr. BoTingles Chris Matthews thinks the president has gone to far, then WOW!



H/T Laughing Conservative

Weekly Hollywood HOs Winner: Morgan Freeman

Hollywood HOs

Weekly Winner: Morgan Freeman

We have several deserving nominees for this week's Hollywood HOs (Hall of Shame) winner.  We have Miley Cyrus attempting to join former pantheon of skankhood laureates Madonna, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton.  We have parent of the year nominee, Cindy Crawford, ushering her 10 year old daughter into a life of eating disorders, pedophiles, narcissism, and addiction.

But this week's winner is a dual award winner.  Not only has Morgan Freeman won this week's Hollywood HOs award, he has also won the coveted Woody Allen Creepy Patriarch Lifetime Achievement award.  Mr. Freeman has apparently either married or intends to marry his, get ready for it... GRANDDAUGHTER

OK, she is only his "step" granddaughter, but EWWWWWWW!  In general, I feel that the use of "EWWWWWWW!" is unmanly in the extreme, but nothing else quite suffices.  My first memories of Morgan are of him on the children's show The Electric Company in the 70's.  Considering media reports that he has married, intends to marry, or in the very least  is having a relationship with a woman 45 years his junior that began when she was 17, again I say EWWWWWWW!

My 12 year old son just walked by as I was writing this post and saw the picture of Morgan Freeman, but not the text.  He asked, "Is that Morgan Freeman?"  I said, "Yes."  He asked, "How old is he?"  I said, "74."  He asked, "Is he still doing stuff?"  I nodded and as he walked away I said softly, "Apparently."

*Editor's note:  At times, we take some creative liberties in our stories.  The preceding paragraph is a 100% factual account of my conversation with my son.