Monday Musings With The Crew

• Dateline Anderson, IN:  Four students from Highland Middle School were recently punished for viewing topless photos of a woman on an iPad during class.  Ho hum right? Not exactly.  The woman in question was their teacher, and the iPad was hers as well. She had given the students permission to use her iPad, they fired it up and out popped the teacher and her girls.  Instead of spreading the photo around the school, they promptly told the teacher about it.  Their reward for being of high character?  One given a warning, two suspended, and one expelled.  No punishment is forthcoming for the idiot teacher who put her self-porn on her school district iPad.  Had that happened to myself and Sahib in middle school (junior high back then), getting suspended would have been our last worry. We would have been trying to figure out how to live the rest of our lives with 2 smoking, charcoal lined pits where our eyes used to be.  

• From the "Timing is Everything" Department:  22 year old Sandeep Singh was having a tough time.  The Massachusetts man was having to work 2 jobs just to make ends meet, and to top it off his girlfriend dumped him.  She's probably having some second thoughts after Singh won $30.5 million dollars in the lottery last week.  

• Madonna riled up concert fans in Colorado last week.  She was 2 hours late taking the stage, and then opened the show by pointing fake guns at the audience and singing a little ditty about murder.  You remember Colorado right?  They've had a little trouble with murder out there recently, and the concert goers didn't take kindly to the Material Girl's antics.  I can definitely see their point, but seriously, if you wait 2 hours for Madonna to get on stage, you pretty much deserve what you get.  

• Since today's theme seems to be women making questionable choices, up for your consideration now is Donna from North Dakota. Donna called in to a local radio talk show to vent her frustrations with the deer crossing signs she sees frequently along the roads. You know, this sign......

Well, Donna just didn't understand why the highway department would encourage deer to cross the highway by putting up those signs...

"My frustration is that Minnesota and North Dakota departments of transportation would allow these deer crossings in such high traffic areas," she says. "Why are we encouraging deer to cross at the interstate?"

Eventually the radio hosts were able to convince Donna that the signs were not actually meant to guide the deer to a safe crossing area. Guess what Donna will be doing in two weeks? Voting for President.

 Be afraid, be very afraid.

• Finally this week, it is with great sorrow that I report the passing of a 70's icon, and someone I admired greatly.  No, no, not George McGovern.  I refer to the untimely death at age 60 of Sylvia Kristel.  Don't recognize the name?  If you are a man over the age of 40 you remember the character she played in several 70s films.......Emmanuelle.  In a film series marked with brilliant dialogue, remarkable character development, and crackling action, Kristel's performances as the title character were um, er, uhhh.....stimulating.  

RIP Emmanuelle.....

Weekly Hollywood HOs Winner: Morgan Freeman

Hollywood HOs

Weekly Winner: Morgan Freeman

We have several deserving nominees for this week's Hollywood HOs (Hall of Shame) winner.  We have Miley Cyrus attempting to join former pantheon of skankhood laureates Madonna, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton.  We have parent of the year nominee, Cindy Crawford, ushering her 10 year old daughter into a life of eating disorders, pedophiles, narcissism, and addiction.

But this week's winner is a dual award winner.  Not only has Morgan Freeman won this week's Hollywood HOs award, he has also won the coveted Woody Allen Creepy Patriarch Lifetime Achievement award.  Mr. Freeman has apparently either married or intends to marry his, get ready for it... GRANDDAUGHTER

OK, she is only his "step" granddaughter, but EWWWWWWW!  In general, I feel that the use of "EWWWWWWW!" is unmanly in the extreme, but nothing else quite suffices.  My first memories of Morgan are of him on the children's show The Electric Company in the 70's.  Considering media reports that he has married, intends to marry, or in the very least  is having a relationship with a woman 45 years his junior that began when she was 17, again I say EWWWWWWW!

My 12 year old son just walked by as I was writing this post and saw the picture of Morgan Freeman, but not the text.  He asked, "Is that Morgan Freeman?"  I said, "Yes."  He asked, "How old is he?"  I said, "74."  He asked, "Is he still doing stuff?"  I nodded and as he walked away I said softly, "Apparently."

*Editor's note:  At times, we take some creative liberties in our stories.  The preceding paragraph is a 100% factual account of my conversation with my son.

Weekend Musings with the Crew

With apologies to Jack Handey, it's time for another edition of Weekend Musings....

• A multi-car pileup on a Japanese expressway involved 8 Ferraris, 1 Lamborghini, and several Mercedes, resulting in the most costly car accident of all time.  What is still not clear is why so many Democratic congressmen were driving together along the Japanese highway.  

• NBC breathlessly announced that Madonna would provide the halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl.  Scientists at NBC parent company GE are hard at work on the time machine that will be required to transport Super Bowl viewers back 15 years to when Madonna was relevant.  The Crew expects a significant "wardrobe malfunction" as part of the hoopla.

• A 7 year old Boston boy is being charged with sexual harassment after he allegedly punched another boy in the groin.  His mother claims he acted in self defense after the other boy choked him while they were on the school bus.  As any of us males who have received such a sack tap can attest, there is nothing sexual about it.  In a related story, a 9 year old North Carolina student was suspended for sexual harassment as well.  His dastardly deed..... calling his teacher "cute".  Now, when I was 9, had I called my teacher cute I would not have been suspended for sexual harassment.  Rather, I would have been immediately referred to the local optometrist for a thorough vision evaluation.  Now, had I used the phrase "gnarly old hag".........

• A high school principal in New York is under fire for this picture that was posted on her Facebook page.....the principal is the one on the right.   :))

Oh those wacky school administrators!