Secret Video From Inside Conclave Of Cardinals Released!

In what can only be described as a stunning triumph in undercover journalism, SACSTW has obtained highly classified video taken during the recent conclave of cardinals.  The video captures the reaction of the new pope as he is informed of his election.  It is believed that the video was taken by a hi-tech camera hidden in Cardinal Murray's cassock.

Holy Smoke!

In related news, the Environmental Protection Agency, in conjunction with the United Nations,  is preparing a lawsuit against the Vatican for violation of air emissions standards.....

Hollywood HOs Winner: Nicki Minaj

Hollywood HOs

This week's Hollywood HOs (Hall of Shame) winner was a slam dunk!  Even though Gwyneth Paltrow still takes baths with her 5 and 7 year old children, I knew on Monday there could only be one winner this week.  Nicki Minaj.  Before I go any further, let's take a look at just one of the images from her Grammy "performance".

Nicki Minaj or Maxine Waters?

Ms. Minaj's night at the Grammys included being escorted by the Pope, dancing priests, levitation, and an exorcism.  (Maybe Maxine Waters confused the GOP with the Grammys.)  The Catholic church, which has had a really rough couple of weeks, was understandably not amused.  I was only able to watch snippets of her performance in attempt to keep my revulsion level down and will not post the video on my blog.  If you wish to see it for yourself, you can view the video on John Nolte's blog post on Big Hollywood here.

My guess is that Ms. Minaj felt slighted at being upstaged by MIA at the Super Bowl so she decided to ratchet up her level of outrageous for the Grammys.  I have the perfect idea for her!  Nicki, if you really are a brave, independent, creative, outrageous performer, let's take it to the next level.  Perform this piece next year at the Grammys and I can promise that you will have publicity, exposure, and notoriety like you have never known.

• You are escorted in by Muhammad... with a fuse hanging out of his turban.... and eating a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich.
• As he leads you to your seat, you reward him with a painting of him and dogs playing poker.
• You perform your new single "Mecca Meltdown" surrounded by 72 dancers in white burqas.  

• At the end of the song, the dancers rip off the burqas and they're not women, they are gay men.

• You lead Muhammad onto the stage to be carried off on the shoulders of the dancers.

I'm sure that Hollywood, the television networks, and the music industry will rally in support of your brave genius.

Young, Wild, and Naked: A Deadly Threat!

Hello devoted readers!  I know that you clicked on the link to this blog post to see naked, ax-wielding supermodels, or because you were thinking "What did Morgan Freeman do now?"  Here you go. Sort of...   (Sorry, this blog safe viewing for everyone but liberals.)

Beautiful and Deadly! (not)

Titillating and scary sells.  How else could we have such venerable Hollywood classics like "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers"?  So if I had titled this post "The Hidden Dangers of Federal Regulation", would you have clicked on it?  I know I wouldn't have.  It would have met with a yawn and a "Pass!"

Americans suck at evaluating risk.  You are three times more likely to die from tipping over a vending machine than from a shark attack, but I must have missed the "When Snacks Attack!" special on the Discovery channel during Vending Machine Week

Here is a picture of something a million times deadlier than the attractive young lady above.  If your children are near, shield their eyes.

Code of Federal Regulations Books:  Boring and Deadly (VERY)

New federal laws are the sexy ax-wielding Victoria's Secrets models riding a shark.  Federal regulation is the vending machine tipping over on you after you've had a heart attack from high blood pressure.  Let me illustrate with an example currently in the news.

There's a relatively new law of which you may have heard.  We lovingly refer to it as Obamacare.  It was the cause of much brouhaha and ballyhoo.  What you may not know is that it is packed with HIPAA regulations that will cost billions to implement.  These are not part of the obese monstrosity that is already the law.  These are "add-ons".  These regulations get ZERO press.  New regulations, departmental "guidelines", and level of enforcement are everything.  With the right regs and enforcement, you can make just about any law mean anything you want.

Recently however; the Obama administration has inexplicably tipped its hand.  Feeling 50 foot tall and bullet-proof because they hadn't been previously taken to task, they decided they were up to tangling with the Catholic Church.  Obamacare forces employer provided healthcare plans to include contraceptive coverage as part of those plans.  As per Obama administration instructions to HHS, the scope of religious exemptions is to be very narrow and enforcement to be vigilant.  Needless to say, Catholics around the country (including Obama supporters) are not amused.

The moral of this tale dear readers, is that elections matter.  Who the president is matters. Not in the sexy veto, state-of-the-union, commander-in-chief sort of way, but in the boring departmental and lower-court appointee way. Obama must go!  If Mr. BoTingles Chris Matthews thinks the president has gone to far, then WOW!



H/T Laughing Conservative