Big Changes For Hollywood HOs Award....

One of our regular tasks here at SACSTW is awarding the Hollywood Hall of Shame award, or Hollywood HOs for short.  A brilliant creation of Sahib's, this award goes to the celebrity who best embodies the brain-dead, liberal-dogma spouting, narcissistic traits that we all have come to love in our Hollywood heroes.

I'm going to take some liberties today with Sahib's award, and announce a name change...     The Hollywood Hall of Shame award will now (at least for this week) be known as "The Miley".  I have a team of designers and sculptors feverishly working to produce a trophy, but can share this image of the prototype design with you today.....

Anyway, on with the countdown.  Several excellent contenders were vying for the very first Miley, but the judges selected Gwyneth "Fast and Furious" Paltrow.  The actress was an absolute menace on the roads this week, cutting off a school bus while riding her scooter with daughter Apple (don't get me started...).  Husband Chris Martin followed close behind on another Vespa, and the pair haughtily "zoomed" through traffic creating their own lane as they went.  Watch for yourself....

The Paltrow's narrowly averted making Applesauce out of their daughter, and in doing so are this week's Miley Award winners!

P.S.  I've never really gotten the "Gwyneth is so hot" thing.  Your thoughts?

Hollywood HOs Winner: Nicki Minaj

Hollywood HOs

This week's Hollywood HOs (Hall of Shame) winner was a slam dunk!  Even though Gwyneth Paltrow still takes baths with her 5 and 7 year old children, I knew on Monday there could only be one winner this week.  Nicki Minaj.  Before I go any further, let's take a look at just one of the images from her Grammy "performance".

Nicki Minaj or Maxine Waters?

Ms. Minaj's night at the Grammys included being escorted by the Pope, dancing priests, levitation, and an exorcism.  (Maybe Maxine Waters confused the GOP with the Grammys.)  The Catholic church, which has had a really rough couple of weeks, was understandably not amused.  I was only able to watch snippets of her performance in attempt to keep my revulsion level down and will not post the video on my blog.  If you wish to see it for yourself, you can view the video on John Nolte's blog post on Big Hollywood here.

My guess is that Ms. Minaj felt slighted at being upstaged by MIA at the Super Bowl so she decided to ratchet up her level of outrageous for the Grammys.  I have the perfect idea for her!  Nicki, if you really are a brave, independent, creative, outrageous performer, let's take it to the next level.  Perform this piece next year at the Grammys and I can promise that you will have publicity, exposure, and notoriety like you have never known.

• You are escorted in by Muhammad... with a fuse hanging out of his turban.... and eating a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich.
• As he leads you to your seat, you reward him with a painting of him and dogs playing poker.
• You perform your new single "Mecca Meltdown" surrounded by 72 dancers in white burqas.  

• At the end of the song, the dancers rip off the burqas and they're not women, they are gay men.

• You lead Muhammad onto the stage to be carried off on the shoulders of the dancers.

I'm sure that Hollywood, the television networks, and the music industry will rally in support of your brave genius.

Hollywood HOs Weekly Winners: Beyonce and Jay Z

Hollwood HOs

"We are the coolest people ever!"

We have not one person, but a couple as this week's Hollywood HOs (Hall of Shame) winners.  Beyonce and Jay Z are this week's winners, but not for the reasons you think.  By now, you have probably heard about parents being blocked from getting to their babies in the NICU, taped-over security cameras, and other general celebrity nonsense.

Apparently, hospital administrators and Mayor Bloomberg want to stay on the good side of one of the entertainment industry's power couples because their exhaustive "investigations" have shown complaints to be exaggerated.

No, Beyonce and Jay Z are this week's Hollywood HOs winners because they named their daughter Blue Ivy.  What was their choice for a boy's name?  Plutonium Kafka?  I have always wondered which came first, the talent or the narcissist. Do fantastically talented people become narcissists as a result of people constantly fawning all over them or do narcissists succeed because they really believe they are the center of the universe?  And if all the Hollywood celebs are the center of the universe, shouldn't they be multiverses?  It's enough to make Stephen Hawking's brain to explode.

Who would have thought that Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple would have the "normal" name.  I can give Moxie Crimefighter's dad Penn Jillette somewhat of a pass because I think he was crazy to begin with, but why do these idiots do this to the people they are supposed to "love"?  Their kids are going to have a hard enough time growing up somewhat normal in the abnormal celebrity world.  Why make it even harder for them?

I can answer my own question.  It's because celebrities don't think it matters.  Being creative and nuanced is what counts.  They are the center of their own multiverse.  The rest of the world will adjust to their wills and desires.  When the jacked up name of their kids is just one more straw on camel's back it's OK right?  They've got money.  That's all that matters right?

Of course, it doesn't always turn out badly for the oddly named children of celebrities.  The first one I can remember is Chastity Bono.  (Come on!  Cher naming a kid Chastity is like Courtney Love naming her kid Sobriety.)  We all know what a healthy, happy, well-adjusted woman she grew up to be.  Though if I remember correctly, I think she did change her name....

*For the record, Sahib's boys' names are simple correctly spelled names.  No hyphens, no symbols,  no silent Ps. Of course the Crew's boys are named Habakkuk and Splat, but that's OK.  He IS the center of the universe.