Babe, Put Down The M-16 And Make Me A Sammich!

In March of last year, Sahib and I announced the formation of our new political movement....White Heterosexual American Males Only, better known as WHAMO.  You can read the founding document of WHAMO here.  You may be wondering why you haven't heard much about WHAMO since then, and I am here today to tell you why.

Given that an organization such as WHAMO engenders incoherence, rage, and hissy fits in many liberals, Sahib and I decided that WHAMO's first order of business was the development of an elite security and counter-insurgency force.  For the last ten months, we have been in the planning and development phases of this project.  Now that SecDef Panetta has approved women in combat, the time has come to announce to the world the special-operations arm of WHAMO security.

This ultra-elite commando unit's official title is Security-Housecleaning-Erotica-Armaments-and Libations,......but they will be better know as.......the SHEALs.

I have authorized the SACSTW offical photographer to release some early training images from the first group of SHEALs to make it through the grueling program......

As you can see, the training regimen of the SHEALs is arduous and harsh, but the troops are holding up very well to this point.  Sahib and I have direct operational control over all SHEAL units, and have tasked the group with a specific set of duties....

• Provide security at all events attended by significant numbers of WHAMO members.  Includes but not limited to.....Super Bowl parties, poker tournaments, and fishing trips..  

• Provide executive protection services for the WHAMO command structure, particularly if WHAMO personnel are to be within 5 miles of any of the following people
• Debbie Wasserman-Schulz
• Barney Frank
• Nancy Pelosi
• Emanuel Cleaver

• SHEALs will be expected to maintain their own garrison, and the quarters of WHAMO officers, in a professional and tidy condition.  Quarters are subject to inspection by WHAMO officers at any time.

• SHEALs will at all times be garbed in one of the several WHAMO approved ensembles, examples of these may be seen above.

• SHEALs will be in charge of maintaining and protecting the WHAMO Armory, and will conduct live-fire exercises as their leaders see fit.

• SHEALs will be prepared at all times to provide themselves and the WHAMO command structure with emergency rations as needed for survival.  Such rations are to consist primarily of mixed drinks and sandwiches. 

It is anticipated that additional duties appropriate for SHEAL teams will be identified in the coming months.  Although SHEAL Teams 1 and 2 are near operational readiness, Sahib and I's work is never done.  We will soon embark on a nation-wide recruiting mission, seeking out only the best of the best to wear the uniform of the SHEALs.  Look for the official SHEAL recruiting poster at a car show, Hooters, or beach volleyball tournament near you!

Sahib and The Crew Launch New Business Venture: Feminsurance

Feminsurance TM. 

Because heartless conservative men refuse to allow the government to force insurance companies to completely pay for your birth control!

Today, Sahib and The Crew in coordination with the WHAMO! (White Heterosexual American Males Only!) movement are branching into the health insurance business.  Let it never be said that Sahib and The Crew do not have our sisters in the leftist feminist movement at heart.  As it becomes apparent that SCOTUS is likely to scuttle Obamacare as unconstitutional, we have decided to jump into the breach to meet the feminist needs.

Today, we are proud to announce...... Feminsurance TM.

• Are you tired of having to pay anything for birth control pills?  

•  Are you fed up with your insurance premiums being wasted on circumcisions, prostate exams, testicular cancer treatments, and erectile dysfunction medicines for men only?
•  Would you like to see chocolate prescriptions designated as a medical necessity? 
• Would you like to see fertility treatments covered for single women and women partners only? 

If your answer to any of these questions is 'YES',  sign up for Feminsurance TM. today! SACSTW operators are standing by.

But WAIT!  There's more!  We excited to announce that SACSTW and WHAMO! are in negotiations with none other than women's reproductive rights champion, Sandra Fluke, to be our spokesperson for Feminsurance TM.  We will keep you abreast of the negotiations.

Devoted SACSTW readers and charter WHAMO! members, please join us in this effort to meet the plight of our sisters on the left.  Because really, who should have to pay $9 a month for birth control pills?

White Heterosexual American Males Only: Join Today!

The forefathers of WHAMO!

Because starting your own political movement seems to be all the rage, The Crew and I have decided to start our own. (Religion-wise, it made L. Ron a ton of dough)  At first, we considered taking a page from macho-conservative stalwarts Spanky and Alfalfa.and starting the He-Man Woman Haters movement, but that didn't seem inclusive enough for us.

So today, Sahib and The Crew proclaim March 13, 2012 as "Founders Day" for the White Heterosexual American Males Only movement, or WHAMO!  We have all sorts of fund-raisers and activities in the planning stages, but today we are sending a call for assistance out to all SACSTW readers.  We need one of our more artistically inclined readers to design a WHAMO! logo.  The best entry wins..... A WHAMO! t-shirt!  And of course the eternal gratitude of Sahib and The Crew, total credit for the logo, and a free lifetime subscription to SACSTW (what? it's already free?)  OK, a free t-shirt, all the credit , AND the eternal gratitude of Sahib and Crew. PLUS an autographed picture of the WHAMO! founders.  I know, you all are at a loss for words at the magnitude of our largess.  Entries can be submitted via email at:  sacstw@gmail.com

With that business out of the way, we now extend an invitation for all SACSTW readers to join WHAMO!  Simply post a comment below with the name, Twitter handle, or any other way you would like to be entered on the WHAMO! member rolls.

(huh? platform? we have to have a platform?)  The Crew has dutifully informed me that we have to have a platform before anyone would want to join.  I kind of thought the name, White Heterosexual American Males Only, was self-explanatory, but here goes:

• We are fed up with people demanding special treatment
• We don't care about your skin color, gender, who you sleep with, or who you pray to (or don't pray to).  Please just get out of our faces about it.
• We are sorry that our ancestors may have done bad stuff to your ancestors.  We didn't do it and it didn't happen to you.  Get over it.
• We believe in Americans.  If you insist on calling yourself an anything-American, you may not join.
• If we say something unkind, mean, or down-right nasty about your family, you have the right to be offended.  Anything else?  Toughen up pansy!
• If you are a liberal and find the name of our movement incongruous with our platform, ask a conservative friend to explain irony to you.

I hope that clearly defines the philosophies of WHAMO!  JOIN TODAY!  Invite your friends and neighbors as well.  We will post the winning logo as soon as we pick one from the thousands of entries I'm sure will be soon pouring in.