Monday Musings With The Crew

Yep, it's true.  I'm back from  vacation with a few brand new musings for ya!

• In his latest attempt to treat all Americans equally and avoid any semblance of class warfare, President Obama today will propose raising income taxes on everyone who makes more than 250K a year.  After all, the "rich" need to pay their fair share.  So.....we once again arrive at the great unanswered question of our time.....Exactly what percentage of their income is "their fare share"?  So far, no one in Dear Leader's regime has let slip the obvious answer (100%), but I bet if we get a couple snorts into Joe Biden he will spill the beans.  

• Sandra Fluke and the rest of her liberal cronies who accused conservatives of waging "war" on women might want to go here and watch this video.  Nice little piece from CNN about an Afghani woman being publicly executed amidst a cheering crowd of Taliban men. The religion of peace claims another victim.  

• Lynaa Dobbins celebrated her son's birthday party at a Pennsylvania Chuck E. Cheese in real style over the weekend.  She attacked the new girlfriend of her son's father with a knife and a brick.  Some bystanders may have reported hearing her scream "the giant rat, can't anyone else see the giant rat?".  The woman who was cut with the knife was actually thankful for the incident, as it let her "get out of there without having to eat any pizza".  

• Finally, there is the really big news of the weekend.....Barney Frank got married!  In a lovely ceremony officiated by Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick, Rep. Frank married his long-time sweetie James Ready.  I went through all my mail several times, but couldn't find my invitation.  I was out of town anyway, but I wish the mailman hadn't lost it as it would have made a lovely keepsake.  Here's to a lifetime of happiness for the lovely couple, not that there's anything wrong with that.  I give it 16 months on the outside.  

Gender Bending Shocker in Congress!

All this time, we thought that Congressman Frank (D-MA) pronounced his first name "Bawney" due to his Boston area accent.  New evidence this week suggests that perhaps the congressman has been pronouncing his actual first name, "Bonnie", correctly from the start.

If "his" first name is Bonnie, and "he" has a sexual preference for men, could "he" maybe in fact be...."she"?

 I know, I know, you think the Crew has finally gone off the rails for good with this one.  Not so fast, my tinfoil hat brethren!  I mentioned new evidence that has recently been, ahem, revealed about Congressman Frank.  Let's go directly to the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives..................

Female First Name-  Check
Sexual Preference for Men- Check
Great Rack- Check

Ah Winnie,
 the stories you could tell!

For months, DNA researchers at SACSTW have been working around the clock to solve this mystery once and for all.  Using samples obtained from the Congressional cloakroom, our scientists have determined that Congressman Frank is the illegitimate daughter of Winston Churchill and Aunt Bea.  Other reports have suggested that Congressman Frank was named in honor of Aunt Beas's OTHER secret lover, Deputy Barney Fife.  These reports remain unsubstantiated at presstime.

Sorry Barney, I just had to have a little more fun with you before you sail off into the sunset.  I love you man!  Well, I don't love you like that you know.....I mean geez.....not that there's anything wrong with that......aw forget it.  Nice moobs.

Monday Musings With The Crew

Once more, into the breech......

• How bad are the Kansas City Chiefs?  Try this little experiment.  Stand up.  Take 5 long steps.  You have now traveled further than the Kansas City offense did in the entire first half yesterday against the New York Jets.  LATE BREAKING UPDATE:  Minutes after this post was published, the Chiefs fired head coach Todd Haley.  The influence of SACSTW knows no bounds!

I'm guessing he's Spanky

• Al Sharpton's not-for-profit (insert smirk here) National Action Network is in serious financial trouble.  NAN owes over $880,000 in federal payroll taxes.  They also owe over $200,000 to one of Sharpton's for profit firms, Bo-Spanky Consulting.  Let me write that again..... Bo-Spanky Consulting. Almost as much fun to write as it is to say.  I am calling for an immediate investigation into the true leadership of this consulting firm, anything named Bo-Spanky has to have Barney Frank involved somehow.  

Sorry little fella, don't take it personally

• The Patriot Freedom Alliance is the Tea Party organization in Hutchinson, Kansas.  They have run afoul of the race card in the last few days.  A cartoon (since removed) on their website compared a skunk to Barack Obama, saying that like the President, the skunk is "half-black, half-white, and everything it does stinks".  The local NAACP predictably termed the cartoon as racist and offensive.  The Crew wonders how much longer an organization with the words "Colored People" in its title will be allowed to be the arbiter of racism.  Actually, I agree that the cartoon was offensive and degrading.... to skunks.

• Looks like the Obama administration is deadly serious about securing our southern border.  After all, why else would the federal government open an unmanned border crossing point?  That is exactly what they want to do in Big Bend National Park so the residents of the tiny Mexican town of Boquillas del Carmen don't have to travel the 240 miles to the nearest legal entry point.  Here is how it will work..... note that this requires a significant suspension of disbelief!  Border crossers using the "kiosk" will scan their documents in and talk to a Customs officer who will be at least 100 miles away.  Attention Dear Leader, kiosks are for selling sunglasses in the mall.  Gun towers and German Shepherds are for border crossings.

• A large Christmas light display has a neighbor angry, calling the display "psychological warfare".  No, this doesn't involve U.S. public schools, state courthouses, or any of the other places Christmas lights usually run afoul of the left.  This time, it's Kim Jong-il and his merry band of North Korean gangsters protesting a South Korean Christmas light display about 2 miles from the border with North Korea.  North Korea's official website decried the display as "a mean attempt for psychological warfare", and threatened retaliatory gunfire if the lights are actually switched on.  Geez, who knew?  All that angst about North Korea's military build-up and all we had to do was string up some pretty lights!