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Thursday, April 26, 2012

Barkeep! Hand Sanitizer, And Make It A Double!

Word is trickling out of the Peoples Republic of California that some local juvenile delinquents are showing up in emergency rooms with alcohol poisoning......from drinking hand sanitizer!  Apparently the stuff is about 60% ethyl alcohol, and the little miscreants are performing some alchemy to separate out the alcohol and get a 120 proof shot out of it.  Practicing the typical restraint of the callow teenager, a few GermX shots and it's off to the ER with stomach pains, nausea, and disorientation.

All of this sounds like just another Saturday night for the Crew, albeit circa 1983.  Of course back then it was Malt Duck and canned Country Time Lemonade spiked with vodka.  Hand sanitizer would probably have tasted better......but I digress.

Editor's note:  Historical information contained herein should not be construed as an endorsement of underage drinking, nor should it be repeated to anyone who might be the mother of the Crew

Crikey people! Think of the ramifications of this.....every school in the country has a bottle of hand sanitizer in each classroom, in the office, the cafeteria......  For Ralph Nader's sake, they might as well just plop a fifth of Jim Beam on the counter so the little darlings can throw back a belt between classes!  

Let the California liberal pantywaists get hold of this, and we will need a prescription for a bottle of the pungent gel.  My advice...buy stock in soap companies.

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7 comments:

  1. SahibApril 26, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    Remember! Followers of Sahib and The Crew always sanitize responsibly.

    ReplyDelete
  2. the CrewApril 26, 2012 at 4:07 PM

    And for years the schools have been contributing to this delinquency!! Asking kids to bring a bottle to school!! SHAME!

    Mrs C

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousApril 27, 2012 at 3:54 PM

    Sahib & the Crew, there may be a simple misunderstanding. Perhaps, the inventive tykes were simply trying to sanitize their organs. I mean, if sanitizer can help rid hands of flu and cold germs just think what it can do for the internal organs. Unfortunately, the science teacher forgot to mention that the results may be hazardous to one's health. Will be interestin' to see how state and local gov'ts handle this one. Carma @got_Carma

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousApril 27, 2012 at 3:58 PM

    BTW, this hearkens back to ye-old-cough-syrup alternative to the alcohol. I believe that there's still some alcohol in cough syrup, but perhaps it's been decreased.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousApril 27, 2012 at 3:59 PM

      for to sign that one: Carma @got_carma

      Delete
    2. SahibApril 27, 2012 at 4:04 PM

      Did your mom ever give you Paregoric for an upset stomach? Found out years later it is an opiate.

      Delete
    3. AnonymousApril 27, 2012 at 10:59 PM

      yes, she did! and she also gave me a hot toddy for my incessant cough when I was sick. It's a wonder that we're not ALL alcoholics or drug addicts. Carma

      Delete